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Jun. 24 2009 - 6:28 pm | 152 views | 0 recommendations | 15 comments

Jenny Sanford should be the Republican Party’s candidate for president in 2012

jenny_boysHi Republicans.

My name is Michael Roston. Sometimes we haven’t gotten along all that well. But if you’re not complete morons, you’ll heed my advice and send every leader of your party packing and ask Jenny Sanford to be your candidate for President in 2012. She is your new hero. Read this statement she just issued, which blew my mind, and the mind of my double in an alternate reality in which Jenny Sanford does not actually exist.:

I personally believe that the greatest legacy I will leave behind in this world is not the job I held on Wall Street, or the campaigns I managed for Mark, or the work I have done as First Lady or even the philanthropic activities in which I have been routinely engaged. Instead, the greatest legacy I will leave in this world is the character of the children I, or we, leave behind. It is for that reason that I deeply regret the recent actions of my husband Mark, and their potential damage to our children.

I believe wholeheartedly in the sanctity, dignity and importance of the institution of marriage. I believe that has been consistently reflected in my actions. When I found out about my husband’s infidelity I worked immediately to first seek reconciliation through forgiveness, and then to work diligently to repair our marriage. We reached a point where I felt it was important to look my sons in the eyes and maintain my dignity, self-respect, and my basic sense of right and wrong. I therefore asked my husband to leave two weeks ago.

via Gawker – Jenny Sanford: ‘I Asked My Husband to Leave Two Weeks Ago’ – Jenny sanford.

Mrs. Sanford should divorce her husband immediately, and open a political action committee. She ran her husband’s campaign for election as governor, and re-election, and was Vice President for M&A at Lazard Freres & Co. She QUOTED THE BIBLE in her statement explaining why she kicked her cheating husband, Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina, to the curb.

You’d rather have Sarah Palin and her snowbilly kin in the White House? Then you deserve the turd you’ll all be eating the morning after November 4, 2012 to cure your hangover.

Sincerely,

Michael Roston

True/Slant’s homepage editor


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  1. collapse expand

    Michael — I watched the Sanford presser this morning with a sinking feeling, thinking it was going from batshit crazy to sad in record time. I couldn’t help feeling some empathy for Sanford — I mean, what the hell was the poor dumb cluck thinking? — but mostly I felt my heart going out to the wife and the four boys. I still feel bad for the kids, but (with the usual caveat that nobody knows what goes on inside a marriage) the wife sure doesn’t sound like a victim to me. This is a tough, determined stance she’s taking. And it feels like something new in these political scandals, doesn’t it? (Let’s just hope it isn’t her way of teeing up a book deal.)

    • collapse expand

      Why the hell should anyone feel empathy for this sanctimonious asshole who in part built his political career by condemning the private lives of others? I for one feel only glee at witnessing the downfall of yet another repug who’s used my sexual orientation as a piece of red meat to toss to his rabid base.

      In response to another comment. See in context »
  2. collapse expand

    Addendum: Oh, jeebus. Thestate.com has Sanford’s emails to the mistress. That’s right: He WROTE IT ALL DOWN. He’s even dumber than I thought. (Puzzler: They’ve apparently been sitting on them since December.)

  3. collapse expand

    I’d pay cash money to see Ms. Sanford and Ms. Palin debate. But Sanford would have to be careful. The patented Palin “(nod), (wink), (wink), I gotta tell ya Jen (wink) dontcha know ’bout [inane blather] (nod) you betcha (wink)” debating style might make a reasonable woman’s head explode.

  4. collapse expand

    Despite all the obviously hypocritical family/community/values garbage that Sanford tried to make synonymous with his name, by the time he became a congressional rep, he either already was or soon became just another amoral politician. And he felt the concomitant invincibility that comes with high office, just like Bill Clinton and others have. Jenny had to be willfully ignorant not to see this happening, so I don’t feel a great deal of sympathy for her. Unless she’s as dumb as her bible harping makes her sound, she should know politics is a distinctly amoral world. If she takes him back it’ll be the best play Sanford’s ever made: fooling the person who supposedly knows him better than anyone.

  5. collapse expand

    Michael,

    Well, that was some read. After watching David Letterman have his fun at her husband’s expense, I thought I was done for the night. But, I hadn’t eaten and I know I am sleeping in tomorrow. I will be cool here in San Francisco, so, I could be spending some time at the gym. It’s hard to get back into your routine when you have lost almost a year of your life because of an accident and the respective ends of my 18-year-old cat, Maxine, and two weeks ago, My Dad died of lung cancer. Maybe the cat was harder because she was sick much longer, she lived 10 months after the first stroke and I medicated her everyday for a seizure disorder. My Mom and Dad arrived and moved in with my twin brother February 7th and every test and treatment was futile. I had an accident that left both my legs severely injured and because of the cat, I had my right leg done on October 15, 2008 with NO CAST. I had to be able to take care of that cat. I had what was the really fucked up leg operated on January 12, 2009 with NO CAST. I’ve had fun along the way. I enjoyed Maxine as she just wanted to eat, sleep and play like always and until the last couple days when she had another stroke, she was able to do that. On April Fool’s Day, I knew she would not make it and she died at my feet peacefully and pain-free just after I brushed her during Jeopardy. She lifted her head looked at me as I scratched her neck and took her last breath. Stress had taken its toll and I was sick and saw my Dad only a few times before he passed. The last time I saw him he was confused and didn’t make any sense. I’ve had something wrong ever since and am getting over the flu and only have through Monday to spend time with my Mom. I need to unload this. I have in little bits and pieces, but I have to get well and get on with my life.

    Now, Jenny Sanford’s full statement is in Michael’s embedded source material and he posted most of it, but I recommend you read it in its entirety. She is a brave woman with her head screwed on straight. Not only is she not Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, her flaky husband, she is also not Elizabeth Edwards. Her priority seems to be her boys and she has made no gesture to a run of any kind. It is just my opinion, but it is highly unlikely the Republican Party will pull it together until 2016.

    She had an articulate statement and may well be the most qualified person to lead the Republican Party. If you think America is in the mood for another Republican sex scandal, you are nuts. She definitely has shown some class, but she has a marriage to work on and a family to put back together. It is too early to tell if Governor Sanford is on board or not. The news leads me to believe he is not.

    My point is, I was very lucky to have had such a bad year all at once. I skated through life for 45-years and I wasn’t prepared for such a year of endings. I have a lot to do and some healing on the way, both emotionally and physically before I will really be back to my happy-go-lucky self again. I will never see life the same as I did a year ago.

    Jenny Sanford is in for a big fight, as she has decided to fight for her family. After reading the long version of her statement, she deserves a chance to try. If Governor Sanford is not on board, she will survive, but her children will need her even more. She has made her choice quite clear.

    Michael, I think you mean well and it is very sweet, but there will be no significant change in the makeup of Congress or the White House in 2012. The pendulum had swung way too far to the right. President Obama is doing OK and has much to prove and much to do. He has managed to put together an incredible Cabinet. He said he didn’t want a mess of people to agree with him, so, he has chosen well. He and Hillary are a good example. They have disagreed on many issues and I don’t know if you have noticed, but he keeps coming around to her thinking and they have such respect for one another. Who cares if they even like each other? The better ideas will win out in the end.

    Jenny will fight for what she believes and her children will be old enough for a 2016 run if that is indeed a road she wants to go down. So you are not disappointed, let her fix her marriage and when she is ready…if she is ready, celebrate that when she gets to it. Just my advice.

    Sandy

    • collapse expand

      Mrsandyclark,
      You have my sympathies I too lost family members to cancer, actually lost a number of good friends, suffered from a serious motorcycle accident and have lost many a good cat. However, it was in the span of some thirty years and I’m sure any one reading this could say the same thing. Your observation about having it happen all at once is quite a healthy reaction. I offer only one piece of advise…get yourself, if you can get yourself to a cat or animal shelter and find a new friend. One thing I know about cats is that they are all unique, like people, and they all make you laugh at some point. Go rescue one.

      In response to another comment. See in context »
  6. collapse expand

    I am shocked. A republican actually issued a statement that eloquently focused on the proper subject and never used the word God or Jesus.
    I second your motion.

  7. collapse expand

    Damn, spoke too fast, read the entire piece, there’s Lord and Him and a quote, crap, I just can’t vote for people who use the name of the lord thy God in vein. (My interpretation.)

  8. collapse expand

    Yeah, she has dignity, and experience, would really appeal to a lot of people, but is the GOP ready to run a woman who isn’t vaguely hot? I doubt it.

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