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Jun. 25 2010 - 5:20 pm | 1,343 views | 0 recommendations | 5 comments

Is Al Gore a sex-crazed poodle?

BURBANK, CA - AUGUST 05:  Former Vice Presiden...

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

Somehow I missed this story until I saw it on the headlines of the National Enquirer.  Perhaps that’s because the “respectable” media has been trying to avoid it.  And yet, it has all the elements of a great story: man who was elected president but cheated out of it by GOP dirty tricks then turns moral crusader for the environment attacks a massage therapist in a hotel room.  In other words, Al Gore, a massage therapist, and a strange stain on a pair of pants.

According to a complaint filed by the massage therapist in Portland, OR, Gore attacked her in a hotel room where she was giving him a massage in October of  2006.  The woman apparently saved her pants as evidence of her contact with Gore which leads to one and only one question:  Where the hell was Al Gore when Clinton was impeached for “evidence” on Monica Lewinski’s dress?

Of course there are a few other questions circulating too.  According to the complaint, the sexual contact was unwanted.  But if it was unwanted, why are there rumors that Al Gore left Tipper because of a relationship with a massage therapist?    Also, why did the woman describe the former Vice President as a “giggling sex-crazed poodle.” What does a sex-crazed poodle look like and how does it giggle?  Finally, why did the woman initially refuse to cooperate with police even as she hired an attorney and carefully saved the pants as “evidence.”  She says she wasn’t interested in money, that she didn’t want to be labeled a “gold digger,” but she simultaneously tried to sell her story to the National Enquirer for a million bucks.

Also, why do Americans continue to care about the sex lives of our political leaders?  Why does Al Gore being “happily married” to Tipper for forty years mark him as a good person while Bill Clinton, who is married but has a clearly complex relationship with Secretary of State Clinton, is considered lacking in moral leadership?

Marriage is a property contract between two people, not a sign of moral superiority.  It doesn’t guarantee that the husband and wife will be better people, take more ethical stances in their lives, or even be nice to the family dog.  The only thing “married” guarantees is that both will have a claim to any and all properties, including children.

But because our country is so embedded in the idea that good people are those that discipline their sexual impulses and confine them to marriage, we are unable to actually consider what politicians stand for until we have forced them to prove themselves “good husbands” (and sometimes “good wives”).  Until we can stop believing the Disney fairytale that marriage is the only goal, the one path to a good and happy life, we will continue to elect leaders who are actually sex-crazed poodles but stand around waving with their wives tightly by their sides.

And that’s too bad.  Because a lot of those poodles would be better off chasing sticks than leading this country.  And as for Al Gore- his real lack of ethical judgment was when he backed down from taking his rightful role as the elected leader of this country and gave it over to George Bush, leaving us with Afghanistan and Iraq to contend with ad infinitum.  Anything else Gore does, moral or immoral, pales in comparison to the horror his lack of backbone visited on this country and the world.  Bad dog indeed.


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  1. collapse expand

    Why did the “mainstream” media ignore the story? Because the woman was trying to sell the story, and mainstream media outlets can’t buy stories. They have to wait until something like the National Enquirer buys it.

    Did Al Gore leak some of his “man-juice” onto the massage therapist? Is he a “sex-crazed poodle”? Who gives a damn! When someone cares enough to buy the story (for $1M) then we will know.

  2. collapse expand

    Pr. Essig,

    US electoral politics is like a boxing match. Two fighters, usually male, move around and try to punch the other into unconsciousness. Most of the blow however do not land or only produce small damage. It is hoped, that after a dozen rounds of this, one of the fighters will tire and the cumulative impact of many small blows will be enough to score a narrow victory. However what everyone wants is one big, knock out blow (e.g. Pacquiao vs. Hatton). You never get a huge knock out blow from a policy debate, by debating the issues. To put you opponent on canvas for a 10 count requires a sex scandal. That is what the press wants, the crowd wants, the political parties want. No ifs, ands, or buts – down and out for 10! There is no appeal, no second chance, THE END.

    It is what it is.

  3. collapse expand

    If Al Gore tried to force unwanted sexual contact on any other human being, shame on him. But connecting that allegation to what might have been his imperfect marriage seems like a stretch–besides, why do so many folks (including journalists reporting the “Gore story” worry so much about marital infidelity as a sign of anything but acting human?

    Laurie Essig exhibits perfect pitch when she suggests that Gore’s deep immorality centers on his failure to seek the presidency more aggressively after the bogus Bush court challenges began. Gore committed a sort of political immorality even before the battle of the election results when he failed to carry his home state of Tennessee. For goodness sake, if he had won a majority of votes in the state where he and his father before him served as U.S.senators, George W. Bush would have crawled back to Texas instead of ascending to the White House.

  4. collapse expand

    First, I couldn’t care less about private citizen Al Gore. I don’t like his political rants, but that’s life. I celebrate the fact that he can have his opinions and I can have mine.

    If he is guilty, charge him. If not, leave him alone. His marriage is between Tipper and him. I see little reason to play that out in the media.

    However, your rant about the 2000 election fails to recognize what would have been ugly no matter which way it went. At the end of the day, there were (and still are) all sorts of electoral improprieties on both sides in many states. We have become complacent about our electoral system. Many new voting machines being applied to the field are un-auditable garbage; we know this; and yet they’re still being deployed.

    What we need is a standard for modern, auditable voting machines. We also need to focus more light upon impartiality of election boards. Better that than to curse the dark results of a high profile disputed election from eight years ago.

    Finally, GWB can not be president any more. His term is history. Can’t we move on?

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