Gaga gaga for celibacy
Image by Getty Images via Daylife
Reading about Lady Gaga in my local french-language paper, I assumed I had misunderstood the article (my french is so bad this is always a good possibility). It said Lady Gaga was celibate, but I thought maybe they were saying “single.” Yet there it is in the english-language news as well. Gaga is gaga for celibacy.
According to news reports, Gaga is telling young people, but especially women, to not have sex.
I can’t believe I’m saying this – don’t have sex,” Gaga said during a stop in England, according to MTV.com. She was there promoting MAC Cosmetics’ Viva Glam campaign, which supports HIV and AIDS projects around the world.
I’m single right now and I’ve chosen to be single because I don’t have the time to get to know anybody,” she continued. “So it’s OK not to have sex, it’s OK to get to know people. I’m celibate, celibacy’s fine”
I can’t believe she’s saying that either. Call me old-fashioned, but why can’t Gaga advocate safer sex practices, like using a condom, rather than abstinence? After all, condoms have been shown to be far more effective at stopping the spread of HIV than “Just say no to sex” campaigns.
The recent re-funding of Abstinence Sex Education in US schools under the Health Care Bill created a firestorm because of the lack of evidence that Abstinence works to stop teen pregnancy or AIDS. A recent article on CNN pointed out that:
A congressionally mandated study in 2007 found that none of four abstinence programs showed a significant positive effect on sexual behavior among youth.
A January 2009 study in Pediatrics found that religious teens who take virginity pledges are less likely to use condoms or birth control when they become sexually active, and just as likely to have sex before marriage as their peers who didn’t take pledges.
The evidence has been piling up for years: condoms prevent HIV and unwanted pregnancy; abstinence campaigns promote hyper-sexualized pop singers’ ( like Britney back in the day and Gaga now) careers.
But somehow, given Gaga’s supposed willingness to be different, I expected more from her. In truth, I was somewhat gaga for Gaga up until this point. Her insanely brilliant lyrics like “I want your ugly, I want your disease” seemed to expose exactly the sort of perversely self-destructive desires that most of us feel, but few of us admit. They seemed the opposite of the “good romance” that we are coerced into wanting: dyadic monogamous coupling resulting in a white wedding and a life of being “good” and “productive” adults.
But now Gaga is part of the “just say no to sex” rather than “just put a condom on it” world . She is not just single, but celibate. A strategy that may work for Gaga- at least for a few days- but doesn’t work for most American young people for the long term as study after study now shows.
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And as the mother of two girls, I don’t want them to be celibate until they’re married. Marriage is not “good” and fucking around is not “bad.” Fucking around irresponsibly, without ethics and without safer sex, is bad- whether you’re married or not. Married people do have sex outside their marriages just like teens who take virginity pledges have premarital sex just as often as teens who don’t take such a pledge.
The point is to encourage responsibility in all sexual relations: teen and adult; married and unmarried.
If only Gaga could be gaga for condoms. Then I would happily continue to listen to her music ad nauseam. But with her ridiculous celibacy advocacy, I am afraid that from now on I will have to treat Gaga and her music as just as insipid as those other famous virginity advocates, the Jonas Brothers. Gaga is now like all those Disney twerps who preach virginity until marriage and make a fortune doing it. As such, Gaga is no longer worth listening to.
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Aw, common. On the surface of it, I see your point. But anything that is against the norm is likely to get to kids, don’t you think? A lone voice, one ‘role model’ can say to kids that freedom always = choice. One young woman will think of LGG and it will bolster her courage to say no to the jerk who is pressing her, realizing that a “no” doesn’t necessarily mean loss in status; after all, LGG doesn’t do it, too.
Impressing on anyone what they should or should not do will always = rebellion. Add burgeoning hormones, and any top-down edict just doesn’t have a chance. I say: LADY GAGA, you show ‘em (but hand out the condoms anyway)
Wow, reactionary much? Okay, so this is my first time on this site, and my first read, but man, way to take things out of context. You’ve only quoted two bits of the interview, but even in what you shared, Gaga says “It’s OK not to have sex.” Saying it’s okay and acceptable to be celibate isn’t the same thing and demanding others do the same and preaching that abstinence is the only way to live.
From another source with more from the interview, she’s quoted as saying “You don’t have to have sex to feel good about yourself, and if you’re not ready, don’t do it. And if you are ready, there are free condoms given away at my concerts when you’re leaving!” A far cry from preaching celibacy till marriage.
What’s wrong with someone who’s known for sexually expressive lyrics and attitude coming out and telling their audience, especially young people who may not be ready for sex that it’s alright and completely acceptable to wait until you’re ready? And again, at no point does marriage come into the picture.
Normal people do go on self imposed stretches of celibacy all the time that last much longer than “for a few days”. She’s talking about expressing self control in society that pushes sex on us as though it had no consequences, physically and emotionally, and telling people to think about that aspect of things and take some time before jumping into it. What’s so insipid about that?
YAY, vengefulp!
In response to another comment. See in context »Celibacy is NOT the way to prevent the spread of HIV. Condoms and other safer sex practices are. We have a large number of years now of government-imposed sex MISeducation that says the best way to avoid HIV is to not have sex till you are married (or in Gaga’s words “find the right person”)
The best way to prevent HIV is to have safer sex-with strangers or spouses- and to be honest and communicate.
Good sex is not necessarily partnered, monogamous sex. It’s okay for “young women” to know that if they have sex, the most important thing is to be safe- not feel shame. Also, they should embrace pleasures- their own especially.
Obviously many young women want to have sex too (they are not all “pressured by men”). They shouldn’t feel like they need to make a commitment to sexual purity (talk about reactionary!). They should make a commitment to multiple orgasms and not getting HIV, and not feeling like they have to be in a marriage type relationship before they do (again, talk about reactionary)
In response to another comment. See in context »I love your point of view. Don’t agree completely in this instance, but so much of what you say is so (what?) realistic and … and free.
In response to another comment. See in context »One thing I will agree with you on is that abstinance only education is worthless and impractical. Kids pick up various ideas from friends and peers, and that’s how you end up with twelve year olds thinking they can’t get pregnant if they have sex in a shower. So, education about contraceptives and condoms is a must. But so is touching on how to protect yourself from the emotional and non physical aspects of sex, and teaching celibacy is a valid argument.
The best way to prevent the spread of HIV is to be educated. Safe sex is a very important aspect of this, but the “honest and communicate” aspect of the argument is throwing choas into the mix. In today’s age with the joys of the social networking sites, one can “get to know” another individual for weeks before ever actually meeting them, and there’s no guarantee whatsoever that who they meet will be the person they think they know. Strangers have no reason to be honest with you about their health, so the concept of “honesty and communication” is rather null and void. And there are plenty of stories of people in marriages and long term relationship who find out that their partner has been infected for years without ever divulging that information. Taking personal responsibility is a huge key to keeping oneself safe from contracting HIV, much moreso than relying on the honesty of strangers.
I’m also curious as to why I’m being called reactionary here. Both of the times you’ve accused me about being so are in reference to someone commiting themselves to sexual purity or being in a marriage type relationship. I don’t think my original post made any comment pushing that people only have sex in such relationships. Let me check…Yeah, not in my post. Did I miss something?
In response to another comment. See in context »Come on! Gaga has campaigned for safe sex in the past, and she’s not even VAGUELY attempting to suggest celibacy as a safe sex measure: she’s just saying it is her sexual choice right now, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Sexual freedom means nothing if it doesn’t also mean the freedom not to have sex, and to say so.
Gaga said this as part of HIV prevention and awareness campaign (at least according to the press)- Don’t get me wrong- I love Gaga and I believe everyone has the right to NOT have sex as much as have sex. I just don’t believe that celibacy is a way to prevent HIV. And that was the context of the remark.
In response to another comment. See in context »Ah, thanks for the update. Celibacy would work, I suppose, if one were, in fact, perfectly celibate, but of course the vast number of people who intend to be just aren’t. My favorite true story is the junior highschool girl who thought she wasn’t “sexually active” because she was very careful not to move during sex.
In response to another comment. See in context »That’s way better than “he told me he wouldn’t let the baby making sperms out”.
In response to another comment. See in context »Celibacy may not be THE way to prevent HIV, but to say it’s not “A” way to prevent HIV is just wrong.
I can pass my hand through a fire without getting it burned, but each time I run my hand through the flames, I run a risk of being burned. The only sure fire way to prevent myself from being burned by said fire is to never put my hand in it.
Same thing with HIV and celibacy. If one never engages in sex with someone infected with HIV, their chances of contracting sexually transmitted HIV are 0. So to say it’s an ineffective way of preventing HIV is just wrong.
Again, teaching celibacy is not the ONLY way, but it is a valid point that should be taught along side proper use of condoms and other forms of birth control. People (not just kids, but many adults out there, too) need to be properly educated about sex in order to be protected, and to enjoy it fully (with a long term partner or a one-time partner). As an educator, you should be supporting someone helping to push all the facts out there, because without all the facts, one cannot be fully educated, and in this case, protected. In terms of the original story, again, Gaga has free condoms available to the audience at her show, and is no way preaching a “celibacy till marriage only” agenda.
In response to another comment. See in context »Check out your fellow contributor Molly Knefel for a pretty good scoop on Gaga’s misconstrued words
(http://trueslant.com/mollyknefel/2010/04/13/confusing-news-of-news-of-gaga-celibacy-blown-totally-out-of-proportion/)
In fact, she said IF you aren’t going to use condoms, don’t have sex. Which is pretty sound advice.
What’s wrong with Gaga’s now-I-am-talking-to-the-press attitude is that it is ridiculously and unbelievably innocent. To turn out performances such as hers, to dress as she does and to sing what she sings is a completely different message than “I am a virgin again”. Kids don’t believe her. They believe their friends, their own urges, even the boys trying to get into their pants, more than a barely clothed sex goddess singing about sex. I suspect that rational messages to teens (and sub teens) will make a more lasting impression than naive, self-deluded, goody two shoes, tap dancing around the issues. Not carrying condoms is likely the main reason for having sex without condoms. I remember sex in my youth and the fuse burns so fast there’s no time to negotiate. Carry them with you.
I’ve had plenty of friends when I was younger who dressed provacatevely, were boy crazy, and talked about sex more than a sailor, yet remained virgins till well into their 20s. Just because someone presents themselves with one image doesn’t mean they can’t believe in something else. She’s a musician, and most music is about sex to some degree. Her character of Lady Gaga is over the top, and the costumes are all about that.
But it is still possible for one to be sexual without being sexually active. So to discredit her message because of all that other stuff is a little unfair. From what I’ve read, I don’t see her claiming “I am a virgin again”, but saying “It’s more fun to get to know someone than to just have sex with them.” I don’t see anything wrong with that message, no matter what the source.
Part of teaching celibacy is teaching self control and personal responsibility. If you don’t have a condom on you, the responsible thing, especially if you’re with a sexual partner you don’t know well or just met, is to tough it out, find some other way to deal with the situation, and make sure you’re packing for next time (mutual masturbation isn’t such a horrible thing, is it?).
In response to another comment. See in context »uh NO. SHE DID NOT SAY THAT CELIBACY IS THE WAY TO GO.
THAT IS MISQUOTED. I SAW THE COMPLETE VIDEO FOOTAGE OF THE MAC CAMPAIGN INTERVIEW AND SHE SAID THAT SHE IS CHOOSING TO BE CELIBATE BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T HAVE THE TIME FOR A RELATIONSHIP, HOWEVER SHE ADVOCATES TO BE CELIBATE IF YOU DON’T FEEL RIGHT ABOUT IT/DON’T HAVE THE TIME (LIKE HER), AND IF YOU DO HAVE SEX, TO BE SAFE AND ALWAYS USE A CONDOM. SHE ALSO SAID THEY HAND OUT CONDOMS AT HER MONSTER BALL SHOWS.
And I don’t understand why the hell you would stop listening to someone’s music (IF YOU REALLY LIKE IT) just because they (supposedly) said something that doesn’t not match your views. Be a little more mature than that.
Regardless, that is NOT what she meant.
“It’s OK to be whomever it is that you want to be,” she said. “You don’t have to have sex to feel good about yourself, and if you’re not ready, don’t do it…”
To me, this sounds like female empowerment. Possibly common sense. Maybe even something a good mother would (and should) tell her very own daughter.
I suppose two people can read these comments (completely) differently, but I find it very difficult to read into this not to take HIV (or other STD’s) seriously, or anything approaching the ignorance level of Bush’s bible-based abstinence education.