Stressed about money? Go f*#k yourself.

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

You gotta love the American do it yourself spirit.  As the Great Recession drags on and on and on, we spend our weekends at big home stores figuring out how to rewire the lights or fix the toilet ourselves.   We forgo family vacations elsewhere and have staycations in our own home.  And now we’ve decided to invest in sex toys and f*#king ourselves since a hundred dollars invested in a good vibrator or dildo will be a lot more entertaining and long lasting than $100 spent on a single evening of dinner and drinks (which may or may not result in fun in bed).

That’s right.  Around the country, sex toy stores are seeing a surge in business because when the times get tough, Americans wisely decide to invest their money where it counts: reliable pleasures.

“What we’ve found across the industry is that while the traditional old ‘dirty book store’ seems to not be doing so well, the ones that cater to couples and females are doing quite well,” says Keith Caggiano of Bushman Products.

Babeland, a chain of sex toy stores across the country, says sales were up 10 percent in the first half of the year. Representatives at Hustler Hollywood, one of Los Angeles’ most high profile adult stores, said they have seen a significant increase in business as well, though declined to give numbers.

As Porn Flounders, Adult Novelty Business Booms – Consumer Services * US * News * Story – CNBC.com.

At Babeland, the best sell is the Gi-Gi, a vibrator meant to hit a woman’s G-spot and with a splash-proof shell for “total release” (and it comes in super nice colors too).  Although this one is probably just “for the girls,” couples are apparently “saving money” (wink, wink) too.  The second most popular toy is

the We-Vibe is the first and only vibe that’s designed to be worn, hands-free, for simultaneous internal and clitoral vibration during intercourse!

According to the testimonials on the site, the We-Vibe is a big investment, but totally worth it.  In fact, it’s interesting to note just how many of the testimonials were worried about spending $130  on a sex toy that might not work.

I wasn’t sure about this one – it’s a lot of money, and I had high hopes. But as it turns out, it was exactly what I wanted.

One customer, who was not satisfied with the results was very disappointed that she’d spent her hard-earned dollars and it didn’t provide the pleasures she was hoping for.

This is the problem of high end vibes. Scared to put out the cash for a one-time failed experiment. I am completely disappointed.

Like a bad meal in an expensive restaurant, a sex toy that doesn’t deliver the promised pleasures is a bad investment of our increasingly limited leisure dollars.  But not to worry- because even if you have to try 3 or 4 sex toys, eventually you’ll find one that is a good investment for you.  And sex toys, unlike meals in restaurants, really are increasingly made to last now that they’re more mainstream and not limited to cheap “novelty” items.

And now that self-love is so mainstream, perhaps its time to wear your self-love on  your sleeve- or at least around your neck.  You can now get a necklace with a likeness of your very own vulva on it.  For a scant $23, you send your photos in and the artist produces a one inch pendant for you.

Each piece is an original, one of a kind hand sculpted image of its owner to remind her that regardless of what the world and the people in it may tell her: she is beautiful.

And if all this self-love doesn’t relieve your anxiety about the world around you- collapsing economy, endless wars, no health care- then you could always go back to the home store and finally fix that leaky toilet in your bathroom.