Why I’m Boycotting the NCAA Tournament
March Madness expansion "Shall Not Pass!" Image via Wikipedia
Ahhh, can you feel the ‘Madness’? America’s annual rite opened Tuesday with Arkansas-Pine Bluff’s 61-44 beatdown of Winthrop … and I couldn’t give a damn. I’m already burned out. Seriously, when’s April — although courtesy of the Tournament’s asinine timing, the final game is actually on April 5th. Did somebody say ‘April Absurdity’?
And did somebody actually propose to expand this thing? Here’s ‘Exhibit A’ for the folly of the too-many-good-teams-get-excluded argument: Arkansas-Pine Bluff started this season 0-12. I repeat: the play-in winner didn’t claim a victory until January 4th. Could we shrink it instead?
As a student of one of the 283 D-1 programs NOT in the field of 64, I’m not pissed we missed the NCAAs. Far from it — the team didn’t freaking deserve it. It’d be like enlarging the Fellowship of the Ring to include the daughter of that Aerosmith dude and another of those sexually ambiguous elf types — no-o way, Jose, it was too large to begin with. And similarly, this Balrog of collegiate legislation cannot pass the Khazad-Dûm of NCAA approval. This plan must be destroyed.
And a boycott would certainly perk up the college bosses. Honestly, you’d be doing yourself a favor by joining the strike. There are four (a bracket-friendly number, I might add) good reasons why the NCAA Tournament is, well, getting kinda lame.
The explanations are listed after the jump, thereby following the sage advice of a high school English teacher: Sound organization of thought can obscure the poorness of thoughts themselves. Ahem …
1. “March Madness” has devolved into a caricature of itself. Are buzzer-beaters exciting? Sure. Are mid-major upsets thrilling? Absolutely. But during the next couple weeks CBS and other media types will overhype non-existent stories and manufacture ‘moments’ lacking the suitable gravitas.
These aren’t fairytales, play-by-play announcer X. I don’t recall any mystical magic-making. These “Cinderellas” are only upsetting watered-down Prince Charmings that couldn’t compete with the NCAA dynastic top-seeds of yore.
Plus, real hoops fans can’t simply enjoy the games any longer without hyperventilating commentators waxing poetic about onions and glass kissing. Hey, I love Gus Johnson. In fact, I’m 73% sure I’d take a bullet for the man. But if Gus loses his mind over a meaningless three-pointer during a yawn-worthy #1 vs #16 cakewalk … I’ll manually insert that bullet into Mr. Johnson myself.
2. Lack of a rooting interest. College hoops’ upper echelon is mostly unlikeable.
There. I said it.
Many top coaches are simply detestable. Out of this tourney’s No. 1 seeds, one is a certified scoundrel and cheat, another looks like a shrew, a third loudly supports NCAA Tourney expansion, and a fourth … um … uh … may or may not doff a toupee: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Does_bill_self_wear_a_ toupee. Well, that’s good enough for me.
Last year’s winning coach, Roy Williams, lied to his old team. Rick Pitino, the only men’s coach to lead three different schools to the Final Four, lied to his family.
Elite players ditch the ivory tower before Joe Six-Pack fans know what hit them. Previously, stars such as Pat Ewing, Michael Jordan and Bill Walton (now we’re really talking about a bygone era) stuck around a few years, developed their games and built a rapport with student bodies, boosters (legally! legally!) and casual fans. Today, with very few exceptions, NCAA top-dogs from Carmelo Anthony to Derrick Rose nip promising college careers at the bud. And no, I’m not bestowing “top dog” status on Tyler Hansbrough.
Connected to this complaint …
3. The actual action on the court is none-too-pretty. If wild three-pointers, sloppy play and poorly organized offensive sets are your game, then the Madness is for you. But personally, transcendent ability always trumps “unpredictable” (that’s a cute euphemism for “mediocre”) chaos. It’d be nice if a favorite actually exhibited sustained greatness … but just last week we watched No. 1 seeds Kentucky nearly lose to Mississippi State and Syracuse lay down in their first game of the Big East Tourney.
Yawn … thanks, but I’ll be watching the NBA.
4. NCAA fatigue. Like seemingly everything in this country, whenever there’s a cool premise (weeks of none-stop college hoops) it’s soon coupled with buzz-killing extravagance. And in this copulation, the unfortunate partner embodies annoyingly compulsory office pools, incessant demands for gambling and good ol’ fashioned hyperbolic talk around office water-coolers.
Yo, just leave me alone. You’ll find me at the only sports-bar without the Tournament on: The Prancing Pony.
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Good points, Mack. Especially #2, the unlikeability factor. I noticed that as I was filling out my bracket last night for our T/S pool. The NCAA needs a bit of Glee to make it more fun and, well, collegial.
So…does this mean you’re not participating in the True/Slantament of Champions? That would put me one step closer to taking the tiara.
Thank you much, Andrea. And no, it does not mean I’m not competing (triple negative!)… you’ll see my submission titled “Zurich is Stained.”
Fortunately, I’m not above hypocrisy for the possibility of a little dough. I still refuse to watch the games: I’ll just track results via the interwebs’ scrolling scores.
In response to another comment. See in context »I agree. There is definitely an unlikeability factor. It should be more like reality TV, especially Jersey Shore. There should be gossip and locker cams showing the players crying after games or celebrating about the wins. It shouldn’t be all about basketball – no – that is way too boring.
In response to another comment. See in context »Kevin, I have no idea what your post means. What is this basketball thing of which you speak? Nevertheless, I just chose Gonzaga to win the T/S office pool. That’s a cheese, right?
Reason #5 to hate the tournament: Dick Vitale
Dickie V is a good reason to watch in a bar so you can’t hear him, babbbyyyy!
My suggestion, watch the women’s tourney. I hear tell they even go to class sometimes …
For me, women’s bball is a different animal than the men’s game. I’ll gladly watch the women’s Tourney over anything that the WNBA can offer. I’m not sure what that reflects … perhaps the ass-kicking of UCONN, Tennessee, et al?
In response to another comment. See in context »I have never watched even 5 minutes of a WNBA game, but I’d skip my mother’s birthday to watch UConn-Tennessee. We may get that match up in the Final Four, although Tennessee has a tough road to get there.
In response to another comment. See in context »A while ago my parents inexplicably became avid (AVID) fans of the Rutgers women’s b-ball team. They went to every game, knew all the players, even chatted with them on occasion. They did everything but paint an R-U on each cheek. Had I not already graduated it would have been totally embarrassing. So I also know it’s NCAA season by an increase in phone calls from my mother with score reports and updates on the women’s tourney. This year, K-Mack and Jody, I will be giving her your numbers.
In response to another comment. See in context »If you’ve ever seen or spoken with coach C. Vivian Stringer, you’d understand their obsession with the Rutgers program. C. Viv. is easily one of my Top Five Favorite coaches.
In response to another comment. See in context »I feel your pain Kevin, but the torture you describe as March Madness is only surpassed by that long lost game known as NBA basketball. Cheating refs, optional dribbling and the thug element of college sports doesn’t get any better in the pros.