Teabaggers: What is up with those freaks?
Image by Fibonacci Blue via Flickr
Can you expound on the Politico analogy from a few weeks ago — i.e., what brands of tea best identify the various types of teabaggers? — Ed O.
In the famous cartoon editorial meeting at the bat-cave/newsroom of The Politico, a story was proposed in which varieties of yuppie tea would be matched to elitist Republican establishment figures — “Pawlenty is Chamomile because he is sweet and calming, Romney is Earl Grey because he is traditional and dignified.”
But what about real Tea Party people, those real pro-American Americans with the tragic costumes and illiterate poster-board signs? Do they enjoy fancy imported tea from those dainty little tins? Of course not. The only thing Teabaggers take out of tins is flavored dip.
The actual tea-related products associated with angry patriotic Teabaggers are a) Sweet tea from McDonald’s (corn syrup with a lemon wedge in a paper cup), b) Raspberry-flavored tea at the Cracker Barrel (corn syrup poured over crushed ice in giant plastic cup), and c) Snapple or Snapple-related beverages purchased at the mini-mart (corn syrup in a glass or plastic bottle).
Rather than being soothing, these “caloric beverages” simply make people bloated and insane. Stick to water. Or alcohol.
Any chance this could happen: Palin bypasses the GOP primary by running as a Libertarian, which would put her on the ballot in nearly all states and be an easy, lazy way out, and solve the GOP’s “Tea Party problem” by separating the tea party people from the GOP? — Dan at GMU.
When you’re talking about Sarah Palin, there is no shut-off valve on the Crazy and no limit to her financial ambition. If HBO offered her $50 million to wrestle Conan O’Brien naked in jacuzzi full of live hamsters, she would at least show up to get the paycheck.
At this point, politics is nothing more than a gimmick to keep her in the news, so she can keep getting ridiculously sweet gigs like a million bucks an episode to stand in front of a camera for two minutes reading some platitude about Alaska scrawled on her hand.
You think she cares about John McCain? Yet there she was in Arizona this week, pretending to support old Walnuts the RINO. Her reward? Adoring teabagger fans who were only there to bask in her hair-sprayed glory, and hundreds of news reports about the adventures of Sarah Palin.
What Sarah Palin’s very short and very embarrassing career in politics tells us is that she enjoys the show-biz and the green rooms and the celebrity worship and the luxury suites and the free stuff and the fat paychecks and her entourage of snowbilly Wasilla trash and lots of poor sad unemployed desperate people screaming her name. She cannot follow any rules or ethics or whatever, and her only belief is that the people around her at any given time should worship Sarah Palin.
It’s wrong to dismiss her as a complete idiot, because she has the cheap, mean, instinctual ambition of a mobster. But will she run a White House campaign as a Libertarian or Independent? As much as America needs this comedy in 2012, it’s unlikely to happen. Politics is about at least projecting the semblance of public service. Sarah Palin only wants her public to serve Sarah Palin.
Send your important questions to ask.layne@gmail.com. But if you have a REAL problem, call the police or something, as Ken Layne will not really help you at all. This is just a web page on the Internet, and he is just a writer who works for Wonkette.
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How I wish HBO WOULD offer Palin $50 million to wrestle Conan O’Brien naked in jacuzzi full of live hamsters. At least then I could laugh about her. Great post.
Poor sad desperate unemployed people have very little to do all day except google Sarah Palin and then follow the hits to alternately stimulate the pleasure and the outrage centers of what remains of their disheveled cortexes. Expect some sweet tea fueled rage in 3…2…1…
If: Matt Taibbi’s rants are like Metallica.
Then; Ken Layne’s rants are like Slayer.
There is a sick part of me that almost wishes Palin would win the 2012(or “oh-12″ as she put it) just to watch that train wreck. Can you just imagine the deer in the headlights look on her face the first time she had to deal with a real crisis? I imagine the only diplomatic options she has in her toolbox are “Pray for it” and “Kill it!”. WWIII here we come…
As someone who was led astray by women and ended up living in mobile homes twice through no choice of my own, I object to the use of “trash” to describe anyone. Did Palin’s crew choose to be born in Alaska? No. Do they choose to follow her around? Yes, but that may be the best paying gig they can get. So, before you start calling people trash, look in your own kitchen garbage can first. Everyone’s pretty much looks the same, give or take several dozen beer cans.
Anyone as fast and loose with the facts as Palin and her supporters, can and should be labeled “trash.” Their ideas are trash. Their various warmongering religious denominations are trash. Their latent and not so latent racism is trash. Their ignorance of basic facts, coupled with intellectual hubris is trash.
“Trash” works for me. Or “rubbish”, “garbage”, “caustic”, “septic”, ad infinitum.
In response to another comment. See in context »