Flu Horror at the Target
Demonstrators march at an immigrant workers rights rally on May Day in Los Angeles (David McNew/Getty)
In this Great Recession Pandemic Horror of 2009, there are only four commodities in demand: Tamiflu, surgical masks, hand sanitizer and any form of booze to numb the fear and pain of daily life.
Having only Tamiflu in sufficient supply, thanks to previous freakouts about Avian Flu or SARS or Night AIDS or whatever it was that prompted me to shake down the various medical professionals in my family for a supply of this mysterious antiviral drug, I needed to stock up on wine, disposable face coverings and huge plastic buckets of squirt-top anti-bacterial gel.
There is a new giant “big box” store about 20 miles from my house, which itself is 70 miles from anywhere important, and so the arrival of this giant new multi-purpose shopping attraction — and I will not lie; it is a Target Super Store — should have invigorated this lonesome rural desert.
But no, not at all.
There is a Great Recession, so this shiny new Target featuring the only pleasant commercial or residential architecture in the region has been mostly deserted. I have occassionally stopped by, for inexpensive glassware or perhaps Star Wars-branded children’s party favors, and it was always creepily empty.
Once, I watched a small Latino child play a dumb melody on one of the electronic musical keyboards often displayed in the electronics section of the store. He was terrible, musically illiterate, and I guess my disgust was visible, because eventually he ran way, screaming.
Anyway, imagine my shock today when the monstrous store had quite a few customers on Friday afternoon. And, disturbingly, they seemed to mostly be crowding around the “pharmacy” section, which was exactly where I wanted to go, to find these surgical masks and germ goo.
I kept a safe distance of six or eight feet behind each shopping party, and when an obese woman began coughing I abandoned my cart and sprinted away. I wanted to yell, Why are you trying to kill me? But then my mouth would be open, and the death germs could fly right in like the Millennium Falcon flew into the Death Star.
In the end, it didn’t matter. Standing several yards away from the pharmicists’ counter, I politely yelled, “WHERE ARE THE FACE MASKS PLEASE?” The last thing you want to do is approach the counter, which is basically a morgue table due to sick people who frequent pharmacies.
“Sold out,” the pharmacy lady said with a shrug. “Hand sanitizer, too.”
I ran to the car and rushed home, stopping only to purchase a case of wine. America may not survive this awful crisis.
Post Your Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment
T/S Members
Log in with your True/Slant account.
Ken,
I’m sorry to hear about your unfortunate trip to Target. I’m sure they issue “rain checks.” Well, you did snag one essential on the way home. I love the admission: I politely yelled, “WHERE ARE THE FACE MASKS PLEASE?” That would have been fun to watch.
I wonder if the media gets a kickback from the shortlist of pandemic-must-haves. Disney probably makes the hand sanitizer, General Electric makes the masks, etc.
Not knowing how this will play out seems to be the common thread of fear running through our latest health scare.
Here in San Francisco, the local TV stations are obsessed with telling us about every school closure. The answer, for me anyhow, may well be to stop watching the local news. Another week of this and they will have succeeded in scaring everyone to death until some real news happens. The media isn’t being objective or informative. Just a mess of fear.
Hard to follow or swallow.
Sandy
Dear Sandy,
In the best of times, small children are horrific disease vectors. If I could keep my younglings slathered in Hand Sanitizer, I would — but it is apparently illegal, in this nanny-state economy.
In response to another comment. See in context »Ken,
Even as a kid I thought children were “horrific disease vectors.” Ironically, I was hardly what you would call a fastidious kid. Of course, I felt the same way about the elderly…more “horrific disease vectors.”
Remember what we have learned from the government in general, it’s only illegal if you get caught.
Sandy
In response to another comment. See in context »Priorities man, priorities… It is scientifically challenging to imagine a world without wine. French wine has the lowest carbon footprint due to boats. As for swine, the market is primed for a run on hogs.
Ken,
Our first local newscast here in San Francisco that didn’t start with school closures! I guess seven stores, including Macy’s had their windows knocked out by “anarchists.” This story is breaking news so it was back to school closures after about 20 seconds. I enjoyed the 20 second break and feel confident that all the high end stores on Grant Street are insured…hopefully not by AIG. Hell, their probably health care. (See how well I’ve been following that disaster.)
Sandy
Here in Austin, TX there is a children’s school called Lucy Read Pre-Kindergarten Demonstration School. I don’t know what that means either. The school was closed after one child was said to be suffering from a ‘probable case of swine flu.’ One child! Surely the better solution would be to have that one child stay home, rather than have every child stay home. Yet no school district seems to be even considering this alternative. This way madness lies.
in addition to fine wines and elegant bottles of aged whisky, america should also stop watching fox news. im beginning to hate mexicans and their imported “pig aids.” thanks to beck,hannity, malkin, i hate myself and i apologize on behalf of all brown skin people.
yeah hobo, they shutdown my kids school in circle-C (Obamaville).
apparently, one kid had flu-like symptoms. if that kid is anything like my 6 year old, he’s faking it.
actually, i dont watch foxnews, but here’s a summary of anti-immigrant hatred and tinfoil delusion:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mDvtZn_7LA
In response to another comment. See in context »Ken,
The Mexican drug cartels are trying to take over America (yes, THAT America). We already know they own 90 percent of all stores in America, especially Target (and the Gap). By creating and infecting us with this new bacon-flavored flu disease of death and such, we are forced to buy more drugs and face masks to protect ourselves. But, Ken, it is just a slippery slope. One day Grandma is sitting in her rocking chair sipping on gin and Theraflu, the next she is a SARS riddled whore in a crack house where crack babies fight to the death for marijuana and diapers.
Nanny-state? hunh? You want to slather your kid in hand sanitizer that is generally 62% alcohol and think the nanny-state won’t let you? That may be more of a Darwin Awards nomination unless I misunderstand what you are saying.
Do you ride a White Horse? (he actually seems like a good guy – he gets a crown and goes forth conquering, though that conquering bit could get a little bloody)
Don’t forget that Maximilian once owned Mexico so we could indirectly blame the French; but there also seems to be a pointer to a pig factory farm in NC in ‘98. Shoot let’s just blame the crack-babies.
“I kept a safe distance of six or eight feet behind each shopping party, and when an obese woman began coughing I abandoned my cart and sprinted away. I wanted to yell, Why are you trying to kill me? But then my mouth would be open, and the death germs could fly right in…”
You stood up to spooky George W. Bush and shape-shifting Barack Obama and your affraid of Susan Boyle’s own personal non-accountable to Congress civilian germ-army … ? The Gipper would like to have a word with you …
I understand why you fled, but heads up, Target carries box wine in 3L (that’s French) sizes. If they only had handgun ammunition…
Ken, never forget: boiling is an even more effective means of germ destruction than hand sanitizer. Boil everything and everyone, constantly. And you won’t need a face mask if you only breathe boiling water.
Ken,
The local TV news is backing off of the possibility of a pandemic. Although, they are quick to point out the Swine Flu has possibly reached 36 states and somehow it still was the first story covered this evening. Speaking of the word covered, it seems they may be covering their asses. (Think Chicken Little.) Maybe not enough goes on around these here parts.
They were playing up China’s holding of Mexicans where the Chinese entered the hotel where they are being…well…detained by the Chinese wearing Hazmat Suits. Mexico was busy trying to get planes over there to bring their citizens home.
Two more countries that are bound to be best friends for life.
Maybe closing all those schools has helped turn the tide? The point was to keep the children separated from one another. When interviewed, they (the students) planned on spending the days hanging out with their friends. Not a well thought out plan with the stated objective and all. Also, parents want answers to whether this means the school year will be extended as they may have plans already in the works. Each day a school is closed they lose a little Federal Funding.
I believe with all my heart that the only item on your list you actually needed, you were able to secure after you fled Target.
Sandy