If you’re a deviant, and you know it: get a tattoo
Just the research I’ve been waiting for to prove what a bad-ass I am.
A study by Texas Tech University sociologists has concluded that there’s a connection between “multiple pieces of body art” and “deviant behavior.” Somehow, TTU thought it would be a wise idea to create an entire “Body Art Team” to investigate the sordid details. Upon surveying 1,753 students at four Midwestern and Southern universities, the team had bad news for parents of college kids with four or more tattoos, seven or more body piercings, or (heavens!) piercings located in their nipples or genitals. Those with inked arms and bejeweled penises were more likely to admit to marijuana use, a history of arrests, cheating at school, binge drinking, and multiple sex partners.
And that was just at Midwestern and Southern schools! Can you imagine what the tattooed kids at NYU are getting up to? Probably piercing their own genitals while smoking a joint – outside of a police station – and videotaping the entire thing.
Good news – I guess – for parents of the dweebs who’ve only got bellybutton rings or cute little flower tattoos on their feet (ugh): the study showed “sharp differences in the levels of deviant behavior among those with just one tattoo vs. those with four or more, and among those with just one to three piercings vs. those with seven or more.”
This is a bit of a wake-up call for me. Apparently, I’ve got some binge drinking to catch up on.