Proof from Health: Plastic surgery is horrifying
Yesterday, Health Magazine’s website released a list of five “must ask” questions to pose before shelling out for plastic surgery. As I perused the items, I started to wonder if I was on some alternate-universe Health website, or whether The Onion had launched a new wellness section.
No. Plastic surgery is just really damn scary. We were reminded again this week, with the death of former Miss Argentina, Solange Magnano, after a butt lift gone wrong. And to reiterate the treacherous risks, I’ve taken the five Health tips, and then offered anectodal evidence to support their sad, but true, legitimacy.
1. How many times have you done this procedure?
Okay. That’s a fair question: maybe some Real Housewives want an experienced cosmetic surgeon to perform their Botox injection. But if you don’t ask, apparently even your “experienced” surgeon could leave you disfigured. From a case reported on the blog of a personal injury lawyer (yes, these blogs exist, and they are bizarre), a patient was left with “horrendous scarring” on her face, and needed two additional surgeries, after a well-know surgeon performed a reconstruction on her that he’d never done before. From the trial transcript:
Q. Now, prior to this patient’s surgery had you ever performed tissue expansion surgery on a hemangioma?
A. No.
Q. Had you every done tissue expansion surgery on a facial area as large as this patient’s?
A. No.
Q. Did you ever tell her that you had never done this tissue expansion on a hemangioma?
A. I did not.
2. Do you own or rent your laser?
Rent? Seriously? I’ve never had plastic surgery, but if I found out that a tattoo artist was renting his gun, I’d be out of there faster than I could contract Hepatitis from dirty needles. Ditto with a physician renting her syringe kit or a plumber renting his plunger. If this is your career, then own your equipment. If you can’t afford to buy your equipment, then you’re probably a really damn bad plastic surgeon.
3. What muscle causes the lid to droop?
Probably the same muscle that contributed to this: 
4. How did you learn how to do this procedure?
Well, I would assume they learned at med school. But the world just isn’t that benevolent: fake plastic surgeons, some of whom complete two-day training programs, and others who’ve never touched a Botox needle in their lives, are out there…waiting to turn you into Priscilla Presley. That’s right: last year, she admitted to falling prey to botched surgery from a phony cosmetic surgeon. Really? But she looks so good.
5. Will you be the one doing the procedure?
Yeah, if you pay $10,000 for breast implants that are going to be inserted by your surgeon’s ten-year-old daughter, I’d opt to stick with the A-Cup for now. Same goes for their girlfriend: Alan Bittner, a Beverly Hills liposuction specialist, used to let his unlicensed gal pal perform lipo while patients were under anesthesia. He’s now fled the country, on the run from a troop of angry, lawsuit-wielding, very lumpy former patients.
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Oh man, I think I’ll stick with my nose bump and A-cups. Makes running a lot easier
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Ditto. Spoken like a true runner!
And nose bumps add character…
Bad plastic surgeons continue to wreak havok on faces/bodies because this surgical specialty remains closeted. Knowledge is power. When was the last time you asked a person who looks great ‘Who did your work?”…You haven’t and until we do, bizarre people will find incompetent surgeons to cut on them and then sell their photos to the tabloids so they can end up in aggregate news centers like this one..
Your anectodal evidence fit quite well, sadly…
What a regretful feeling that must be when one is a victim of bad surgery. Growing old looking sure seems like such a better option.
it sounds like commenters here are young—as you age, your opinion might shift-as you see good work (that you won’t be able to identify unless the person tells you) you will appreciate the art of this surgical specialty…good surgery is good medicine—unfortunately, many who want plastic surgery have very little knowledge of what good surgery should look like…those people don’t end up selling stories to the tabloids…they just look marvelous for their ages….perception of plastic urgery tends to shift as we age