Celebrity athlete fail: ten sports jerks, Tiger not included
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Is nothing sacred?
First Michael Phelps goes from America’s swimming sweetheart to a pot-smoking, lady-hopping sleazebag. Then, Serena Williams has an on-court hissy fit at the U.S. Open, to the tune of a $150,000 fine. Finally, Tiger Woods – everyone’s favorite success story (remember his cute dad?) – cheats on his wife (maybe), drives his car into a bunch of stuff (according to police reports), and has the audacity to piss and moan about his lack of privacy (definitely).
Yes, it’s been a sordid year for sports fans. So much cheating, gossip and in-fighting that the simple pleasure of athletics is becoming akin to the dastardly drama of U.S. politics. Or maybe we’re just starting to notice: pro athletes have been acting like jerks – on and off-court – for decades. A quick walk down memory lane, as I list off, in my opinion, the 10 biggest athlete a-holes (Tiger, Serena and Michael not – yet – included):
John McEnroe: This dude is a no-brainer. He’s been nicknamed “Super Brat,” had dozens of on-court spaz attacks, and was a big enough jerk to think we’d all want to watch him on TV. His talk show, astutely titled McEnroe, was canceled after five months and twice received a 0.0 Neilson rating. Watching funny jerks on TV is enjoyable. Watching egomaniacs who are also jerks, and who are better tennis players than we are, is just annoying.
Michael Vick: An illegal dog-fighting ring and 23 months in prison is really, really bad. And then thinking we all want to watch you play football again? Jerk List-worthy. Oh, and secretly giving women herpes? Disgusting. Why are the Eagles paying him $1.6 million again?
Mike Tyson: As Mike Freeman at CBS Sports put it: “He is the perfect storm of jerkitude.” He’s a great boxer. Unfortunately, that talent doesn’t make up for the fact that he’s also a rapist, a coke fan and an abusive husband, among other things.
Tonya Harding: You probably think she made the list because of the Great Knee-Bash of 1994. In part, sure. Mostly, though, I dislike Tonya Harding because she tried to resurrect her career with a sex tape (called “Wedding Video”), a music career (with a band called “Golden Blades”) and a stint as a boxer. Tonya: you’re the malevolent she-devil who tried to maim that cute little Kerrigan. We dislike you.
O.J. Simpson: No comment.
Kobe Bryant: Kobe Bryant is a sexual deviant, who somehow assumes his talent allows him to cheat on his wife with 19-year-olds, lie to his fans about the rules of consensual sex, and play for whichever team he wants, whenever he wants, for as much money as he requests. So far, his little ploy has worked. Come on, guys. Stop liking him.
Ara Abrahamia: The lone Swede on my list, Abrahamia made the news last year, when the Olympic champ wrestler tore off his bronze medal on the podium, threw it to the floor, and stormed out of the gym. All while an arena full of his own fans booed him. Nice one, asshole.
Wilt Chamberlain: Some people collect stamps, Wilt Chamberlain collected women. The champion boasted of bedding 20,000 women during his career – that’s 1.14 women every day from the age of 15 onward. Undiagnosed sex addict? Unabashed liar? Maybe. But you don’t say this: “I was just doing what was natural—chasing good-looking ladies, whoever they were and wherever they were available”…and stay off the jerk list.
Elvis Stojko: One from my native Canadian homeland. Stojko is a figure skating champ who had a benign personal life and an uncontroversial rise to the top. But he makes the list because of his advertisements for McCain’s Deep n’ Delicious Cake and concentrated grape drink. So annoying. Those ads haunted my childhood, and those McCain cakes are disgusting.
Sean Avery: This guy is just such an a-hole. First there was the reference to his former girlfriend as “sloppy seconds”…then there was the 2008 internship at Vogue Magazine. Apparently, he’s mostly interested in women’s fashion. Here’s hoping against hope that mannequins in miniskirts is the closest he ever gets to another female.
…A list of ten, but, truly, there are many more sports celebrities who could have made the list. What is it about a career in athletics that lends itself to becoming an egomaniac sex-addict with a coke habit and a penchant for unfortunate cake advertisements? Successful athletes do what they enjoy, for millions of dollars more than they deserve. They’ve got legions of devoted fans, enviable bodies and piles of free loot and gear. Those sound like sweet perks, but I suspect that therein lies the problem. Perks = ego trip = a sense of entitlement that yields ugly indiscretions. One perk too many, and you’re driving your SUV into a fire hydrant. Right, Tiger?
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Catherine Burt, Shawn Dammermann. Shawn Dammermann said: Katie Drummond – The Extreme Self – Celebrity athlete fail: ten … http://bit.ly/7XaCSp [...]
Good list. Avery has to be the winner, though, for nothing else than being the most consistent. Other highlights of his include: getting kicked off the Dallas Stars; forcing the NHL to invent a new rule against standing in front of the goalie with your back to the play and waving your stick around (he was the first to do it); swearing at a fan while he was in the penalty box; starting a fight with Darcy Tucker in a warmup skate (might want to add Tucker to this list, too btw)… etc. etc.
And you know that someone is a total douche when DON CHERRY calls them a jerk.
Woah. He’s more of a douchebag than I thought…And dude, there’s a whole post on why Don Cherry sucks.
There is a fine line between “jerk” and violent psychopath. Being a pampered, whiny, womanizing douchebag is not laudable but it’s a pretty rational course of action for a pro athlete who can get away with it. Biting someones ear off on national television is not a jerk move. It’s a batshit insane move. Same goes for stabbing people to death.
Good point. I think this list may need to be divided into “jerk” (Elvis, Tiger and co) and “Batshit” (O.J., Mike, etc).
Katie, I think you forgot a major one – Terrell Owens. He insulted his team’s own quarterback, Donovan McNabb, while he had multiple injuries and claimed that if Brett Favre was in McNabb’s place the team would not be doing poorly on public radio. He spat in another player’s face. And he has, on numerous occasions, blamed other players and coaches for faulty plays on radio interviews, television interviews, and press conferences.
ehhh, now that I look at it I’m probably partial about Mr Owens being that I am from the Philadelphia region, what I mean is that between 2004 – early 2007 there was a new story (rant) about him every week on the local news.