There’s no way Taylor Lautner’s not on steroids
This kid is 17 years old, and says he gained 30 pounds of muscle in less than a year by “putting something in his mouth” every two hours. And while most people were making annoying sex jokes following that faux-pas on the Jimmy Kimmel Show, I was all “Mmhmm. You doping, boy.”
My proof, short of inspecting the kid’s arm for track marks:
1. According to research, teens who use steroids often engage in other high-risk behaviors, like “drinking and driving, carrying a gun…driving a motorcycle without a helmet.” Here’s a picture of Taylor Lautner engaging in some high-risk, helmet-free motorcycling through a body of water.
2. No matter how many crunches you do, or how much fat you lose, abdominal definition is mostly determined by genes. Unless you resort to “alternative” means of muscle gain. Here’s a recent picture of Taylor Lautner and his dad. Sure, Pappa Lautner might be hiding a six-pack under there – he could be hiding alot under there – but until we can be sure, this is Drummond: 1, Lautner Family: 0.
3. Anyone who knows anything about strength training knows that it takes around two months to notice moderate physical changes, and 1-2 pounds of muscle mass a week is pretty much the max, no matter how hard you work. New Moon started filming in late March of 2009, and Lautner had packed on the pounds well before then. A shot of him before and (less than a year) after:
Too bad he got sucked into the “big-is-in” men’s fitness trend. But I’m more worried about his fans, and that cute little Taylor Swift: steroid abuse is associated with cystic acne, blinding rage and shrunken testicles. Give it a few months, TSquared. Things are about to get a lot less sexy.