Memo to Paris: teenagers aren’t zombies – or idiots

Binge drinking's latest victim?

The city of Paris is trying a new tactic to curb binge drinking in teens. I’ve seen a lot of weird, lame, outdated attempts at “government outreach programs for troubled teens” and this one easily tops the list: any in-touch administrator should know that vampires are the horror flick hotties du jour.

Allow me to explain. The Parisian government has launched a short film competition, asking teens to come up with horror-style movies of up to five minutes, that illustrate the scary truths of binge alcohol consumption. Scary truths like alcohol poisoning, organ damage or comas? No, no. Like zombie attacks.

Here’s a link to the video that the municipal government cooked up as an example of what they’re looking for from participants. If you’re too lazy to check it out, allow me to summarize. Boy drinks heavily with friends. All is fun and games and ha ha ha party party sexy times. Until boy collapses and turns into an evil zombie! Zut alors!

So, the Parisian government is worried because one in five teens regularly binge drink – a statistic that’s risen by 10 percent since 2005. Their grand plan to solve the problem? Suggest that teenagers get together in groups and dream up fanciful, horror-flick inspired clips. Sounds like a good opportunity to get drunk and play with fake blood, am I right? But no:

A city hall spokeswoman said the competition would not accept films of real people getting drunk, but was seeking fictional horror films to boost the campaign against the dangers of bingeing aimed at 15 to 25-year-olds.

It’s okay, kids. They’ll never know.