Daily Dosage: Good sex now goes both ways

Honey, can you grab the ExtenZe?

Obviously, I’ve been slacking on my sexual enhancement research: it’s been over one month since ExtenZe For Women hit store shelves, and I haven’t blogged about this latest and greatest innovation in pseudo sex science.

Finally, a supplement that gives men on ExtenZe more hope that they’ll actually have someone to last longer and stay harder for. A few months ago, my coverage of the possible side effects of ExtenZe for dudes (hello acne and chronic gas) laid to rest any hopes among desperate guys that the pill might cure bedroom distress. Actually, in my observation, breakouts and chronic gas are pretty much a no-sex guarantee.

But if men’s ExtenZe is designed to act as the name implies, what’s a women’s version purported to offer? In the words of the company:

[For years] no one seemed to notice that women around the world were practically begging for products to boost their own sexual pleasure….Finally, a product that delivers the big, robust, explosive orgasms that most women only read about but have never experienced for themselves! Our proprietary blend of all-natural ingredients works to help women safely and effectively rediscover the sexual animal within!

Finally, women can let loose that raging sexual tigress, so long stifled by their den mother instincts. But be wary with your dosage, ladies. Much like an OD on male ExtenZe, too much of a good thing isn’t very sexy:

Dehydroepiandrosterone is a naturally occurring steroid, often sold as DHEA. High levels have been linked to increased rates of breast cancer in women.

Sure, maca root has been rumored to boost sex drive. But it’s also blamed for worsening thyroid disease, causing goiters and interfering with pancreatic function.

Alright, so men get the acne and the hair loss, and women suffer increased cancer risks and thyroid problems. But girls, here’s the good news: if you’ve already gone and bought a pack of ExtenZe, don’t toss it – smoke it. Damania Leaf, one of the ingredients in the female version of the supplement, is well-known among recreational drug users for mimicking the effects of marijuana and promoting lucid dreaming.

So while he’s falling asleep, smiling and satisfied, take a puff or two of your ExtenZe cigarette, and maybe you can dream yourself up an actual orgasm.