Daily Dosage: Don’t forget your latex gloves
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This Monday marks the start of the 24th annual Burning Man Festival in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert. The event, which drew nearly 50,000 people last year, revolves around the torching of a 12-meter effigy. But that’s hardly the sole focus: radical inclusion, a favor-based economy, participation and judgment-free self-expression are all crucial tenets of the week-long festival.
Inclusion? Favors? Freedom of expression? Sounds like the ingredients for a lot of promiscuous sex, if you ask me. And it is, according to Violet Blue, a San Francisco sex educator. According to her, there’s a “noticeable impact on local STD clinics and call centers when the “burners” come home,” with an increase in STD testing and positive results after Labor Day. Here, three of her Burning Man tips to avoid extreme health problems even when you’re covered in kitty litter, wearing nothing but a feather boa and “having anonymous sex with people who haven’t showered or used a functional bathroom in a week.”
-Carry baby wipes to keep yourself clean; Look for ones that are alcohol-free, unscented and pH balanced.
-Use latex or polyurethane (non-latex) condoms, and don’t get any oil near your latex. Avoid animal skin condoms at all costs, as they are not proven effective against HIV transmission.
-Buy and carry a pack of latex or non-latex gloves, as your (and your partner’s) hands will be filthy, and genital contact with germs will give you an infection.
Baby wipes? Oil within vicinity of genitals? Hygienic gloves? Throw in the fact that you’ll probably be knocking Birkenstocks within spitting distance of a meditation circle, dub-step dance party and towering inferno, and I’d like to suggest abstinence as the best bet for Burning Man attendees. The Extreme Self advocating abstinence? Hey, you’ve gotta draw the line somewhere. I draw mine at latex gloves during foreplay.
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The Burning Man Festival is for babyboomers who can finally afford a Harley and a condom. I used to avoid a guy in the supermarket who made this pilgrimage. He was the same guy who told me about the Personals in the local shopper magazine featuring women in their fifties and sixties. When our carts would occasionally clash he would speak glowingly about “the women” and great “vibes” of Burning Man. Just about any festival in the summer desert of Nevada means sweaty balls mixed with dust. I’m sure a lot of nice people go to check this out but I draw the line at two-star hotels. Tom Medlicott
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