Daily Dosage: Keep your nipples hardware-free

"Mmm, is that titanium?"

If you can’t stop opining about Kate’s (mother of eight, ex-wife of Jon) poor parenting skills, researchers at the University of Western Australia might convince you that she’s got at least one maternal asset: unpierced nipples.

That’s right. A team of Australian scientists set out to prove that nipple rings were detrimental to breast feeding among young woman. A metal rod shoved through your nipple can harm your milk ducts? Sounds obvious. But most studies have thus far proven that nipple rings, inserted correctly, actually don’t inhibit lactation.

But these intrepid souls of science were not convinced. In the June issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association, they offer three case studies of pierced ladies whose nipple accessories have caused “infant attachment problems or blocked ducts.” And research has already shown that the piercings can be inconvenient for a baby trying to get some damn breakfast: gagging, choking and milk leaking from a hungry tot’s mouth were all reported in a 2006 study.

I already rue the day I thought it would be super cool to get my nipples pierced – and I’m sure most mothers do too. But can you imagine how much rueing would go on if your baby actually choked to death on your nipple barbell? Come on, ladies! Take it out before feeding time.