Comments on: Is it a gamble to let a 10-year-old watch ‘21′? http://trueslant.com/karendukess/2009/06/29/is-it-a-gamble-to-let-a-10-year-old-watch-21/ Getting a Grip on Parenting Thu, 18 Nov 2010 16:16:01 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: mrsandyclark http://trueslant.com/karendukess/2009/06/29/is-it-a-gamble-to-let-a-10-year-old-watch-21/comment-page-1/#comment-304 mrsandyclark Thu, 02 Jul 2009 13:33:54 +0000 http://trueslant.com/karendukess/?p=1251#comment-304 Karen, You started my day with a good laugh and thanks for your comments. I think your idea of keeping Leaving Las Vegas in your back pocket is wise as it is definitely one of the most depressing movies ever made. It was my first thought to counterattack 21. It also reminded me why I avoid Las Vegas. I don't know why, but all of my male friends always want to go to Vegas. All I can think of is unnecessary drama, which I avoid at all costs. My point is that for you to even question whether that one decision can be life altering pretty much shows you are on the right track, but I don't think a single event is going to shape your son and who he winds up being. You obviously care for and love him a great deal. Maybe ease up on yourself just a little and enjoy this time of innocence. You'll always have your arsenal in your "back pocket." Sandy Karen,

You started my day with a good laugh and thanks for your comments. I think your idea of keeping Leaving Las Vegas in your back pocket is wise as it is definitely one of the most depressing movies ever made. It was my first thought to counterattack 21. It also reminded me why I avoid Las Vegas. I don’t know why, but all of my male friends always want to go to Vegas. All I can think of is unnecessary drama, which I avoid at all costs.

My point is that for you to even question whether that one decision can be life altering pretty much shows you are on the right track, but I don’t think a single event is going to shape your son and who he winds up being. You obviously care for and love him a great deal. Maybe ease up on yourself just a little and enjoy this time of innocence. You’ll always have your arsenal in your “back pocket.”

Sandy

]]> By: Karen Dukess http://trueslant.com/karendukess/2009/06/29/is-it-a-gamble-to-let-a-10-year-old-watch-21/comment-page-1/#comment-303 Karen Dukess Thu, 02 Jul 2009 11:21:35 +0000 http://trueslant.com/karendukess/?p=1251#comment-303 Dear Sandy Who cares if you are not brief; you should comment often as you are very wise. Most of the time I know you are right but it's helpful to have the reminder that obsessive worry in itself can be very self-centered. I will keep Leaving Las Vegas in my back pocket, so to speak; no need yet to introduce him to perhaps the most depressing movie ever made! Dear Sandy
Who cares if you are not brief; you should comment often as you are very wise. Most of the time I know you are right but it’s helpful to have the reminder that obsessive worry in itself can be very self-centered.
I will keep Leaving Las Vegas in my back pocket, so to speak; no need yet to introduce him to perhaps the most depressing movie ever made!

]]> By: mrsandyclark http://trueslant.com/karendukess/2009/06/29/is-it-a-gamble-to-let-a-10-year-old-watch-21/comment-page-1/#comment-302 mrsandyclark Thu, 02 Jul 2009 03:17:12 +0000 http://trueslant.com/karendukess/?p=1251#comment-302 Karen, What's one more movie a little ahead of his time? Watch Leaving Las Vegas with your son starring Nicolas Cage and Elisabeth Shue. If that doesn't take the glamour out of Las Vegas, what will? I've read a lot of your posts and I don't always feel the need to comment as I am rarely brief. Kids learn by example. It's that simple. I don't think any of us kids turned out exactly the way my parents had hoped. They did the best they could and for most of us it was an idyllic time. Lucy Ferris has written a beautiful piece that not only shows her sons flaws, but her own as well. What is an obsession of your son's addiction? In her case it sounds like self-centered fear. First, he is only an addict if he says he is and secondly, she has been way too hard on herself. You shouldn't be trying to control your grown-up children anyhow. That's just my opinion. You ask a question at the end, which I think you know the answer to: "Do we really think their character can be determined by watching a particular movie at age 11 or playing to win a jar of pennies in a childhood game of 21?" I believe you will find in time the answer is no. Some parents believe it is their job to worry for the rest of their lives and I think it is to move forward with your own life just as your children have and will continue to do so. If you taught them by example, they have the necessary tools to live life as an adult. But, life does happen to all of us. Whether it is addiction, health issues, etc. That's where teaching them by example comes in. You won't really see who they are and what they have learned until they are handed one of life's problems. Nobody is immune. You'll be surprised at how much they did learn when that time does come. Just a thought. Sandy Karen,

What’s one more movie a little ahead of his time? Watch Leaving Las Vegas with your son starring Nicolas Cage and Elisabeth Shue. If that doesn’t take the glamour out of Las Vegas, what will? I’ve read a lot of your posts and I don’t always feel the need to comment as I am rarely brief. Kids learn by example. It’s that simple. I don’t think any of us kids turned out exactly the way my parents had hoped. They did the best they could and for most of us it was an idyllic time.

Lucy Ferris has written a beautiful piece that not only shows her sons flaws, but her own as well. What is an obsession of your son’s addiction? In her case it sounds like self-centered fear. First, he is only an addict if he says he is and secondly, she has been way too hard on herself.

You shouldn’t be trying to control your grown-up children anyhow. That’s just my opinion. You ask a question at the end, which I think you know the answer to:

“Do we really think their character can be determined by watching a particular movie at age 11 or playing to win a jar of pennies in a childhood game of 21?”

I believe you will find in time the answer is no. Some parents believe it is their job to worry for the rest of their lives and I think it is to move forward with your own life just as your children have and will continue to do so. If you taught them by example, they have the necessary tools to live life as an adult. But, life does happen to all of us. Whether it is addiction, health issues, etc. That’s where teaching them by example comes in. You won’t really see who they are and what they have learned until they are handed one of life’s problems. Nobody is immune. You’ll be surprised at how much they did learn when that time does come. Just a thought.

Sandy

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