Will giving a child a cell phone turn him into a text addict?
Last night was my son’s 5th grade graduation, and today his long-awaited Nirvana arrived via Fed Ex: his own cellphone, a Samsung Alias 2 with a made-for-texting keyboard. Thanks to an upgrade, a corporate discount and a rebate, I got a great deal on the phone, which ended up at a price appropriate for an 11-year-old’s phone. But will the real cost be that I end up with a text addict?
So seems to think a friend of mine who also has a son heading to middle school next year. At a dinner the night before graduation, he dcclared that he would allow his son to have an old cell phone of his, but “no texting! I forbid texting!”
I have to admit, before I listened to my friend’s diatribe against texting, I had wondered if giving my son a text-friendly phone would just create and enable a texting habit. Were we encouraging his transition into a new phase of life in which he would become one of those text-crazy kids who text for thousands of hours and drive their parents to take a hammer to their cell phones? I suppose if our number one goal were to ensure that he does not become a text addict, the sure way to succeed would simply be to not give him a phone.
But I’m not one of those no-sugar, no television parents. I don’t have the discipline, and I do believe in moderation. I do not think that allowing Chips Ahoy, Man vs. Wild and a text-friendly phone will turn my child into an obese, sedentary, diabetic, television-watching couch potato who only stops texting to program the DVR.
I’m also not naive, however. I’m sure there will be arguments ahead, and limitations to be set, and moments when I find myself thinking, “if I had a hammer….”
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next i would love to hear why your child even HAS a fifth grade graduation. i have a younger child and i’m just now starting to see ‘graduations’ proliferating like dandelions!
Don’t get me started. Does no one remember that graduating 5th grade is actually required by law? Just be thankful there isn’t a pre-school prom, although i’m sure that is yet to come!
In response to another comment. See in context »My favorite comment on this is found in a scene from the movie “The Incredibles,” where the mother tells the father he’ll be missing their son’s fourth grade graduation:
Bob Parr: It’s not a graduation. He’s moving from the 4th grade to the 5th grade.
In response to another comment. See in context »Helen Parr: It’s a ceremony.
Bob Parr: It’s psychotic! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity.
Congrats to your son on this milestone event in his online life. Just curious Karen, why do parents worry about things like their kids becoming txt junkies and such?
I’m curious WHY your 5th grader needs a cell phone to begin with? If it’s to keep up with his friends, then what does this say about us as parents? Our society seems to have caved into our children’s whims, maybe as an excuse for spending less time with them in our parenting roles because of our dual-working/parenting roles. If we fear that the object for which the child lusts after is known to have inherent negative qualities, then we as the parents need to instill a healthy set of values exposing them to alternative ways of facing these issues. Communications and respect for each other can still happen, but maybe we need to take back some of the ground that parents have lost in getting to this point.
Let’s be clear here, nobody really “needs” a cellphone. They are handy but clearly in the “want” category. So no, my 5th grader doesn’t really “need” a cell phone but as he’s become much more independent, riding his bike around town, going to movies by himself or to get pizza etc, it’s convenient to be able to reach him and know that he can reach me. Did he want it because he thinks it’s cool? Absolutely.
In response to another comment. See in context »It’s not so black and white as you suggest. I think excessive use of a cellphone is a problem but I don’t think a cellphone is inherently negative. Again, moderation and responsibility are what children need to be taught.
I agree with you, Karen. It’s not so black and white. I like the idea of being able to reach my child if I need to, but does he NEED a phone? Absolutely not. Naturally, people are able to survive without cell phones- before they existed, we were all okay and somehow managed. People also survived without running water and indoor plumbing. Something to be said for technology…
In response to another comment. See in context »We have a ten year old son, who is dying for a phone. We made a deal with him; if he earns 100 points by doing chores, being nice to his sisters, not complaining or arguing, acting responsibly, etc… he can get a phone. However, points are taken away when these requirements are not met. Needless to say, he hasn’t broken 20. Secretly, I want him to have a phone- I don’t dare say that out loud. I like the idea that he’d be reachable, b/c he’s also reaching the age where he’s walking to town, going to soccer practices 40 minutes away, walking to school, etc… and things happen– schedules change, carpools switch, rain falls…
I don’t think texting should be banned, either. I enjoy a good text over a conversation every once in a while. Obviously, there would have to be rules and limitations, etc… Moderation is the way to go. If we don’t give children the chance to show they are responsible, how will they learn to be? (I sound like Reverend Shaw in Footloose…) That being said, I foresee a $300 overcharge the first month we get him a phone…. sorry for the long comment. I really enjoy your posts, by the way.
Meggan, I’m with you all the way. After months of listening to my son plead for a phone, I realized that I actually wanted him to have one for reasons that have nothing to do with his. For us it ended up cheaper to have our family plan with unlimited texting than adding a limited amount to both my son’s and au pair’s phones, but I told him his texts were limited so that he won’t overdo it. Only time will tell….I find he rarely talks on the phone but is really enjoying staying in touch with a friend who moved away. Their texts are unbelievably short and superficial (yes, I spy) but it’s keeping them connected.
In response to another comment. See in context »It is not clear to me that nobody “needs” a cellphone. Adults may. Five year olds, however, are not in the “cellphone-needy” category. It seems inevitable that once a certain critical mass of children receive these from worried parents, however (“where is Jane or Muhammed after school?), they will become the object of peer competition among children.
Breaking that cycle is a task best left to the pop psychologists.
I can’t for the life of me make a case for a child having a cell phone unless, and it’s almost a quibble, he has to do long self-monitored commutes. We are giving over our inner lives to constant external stimulation and I think we’re going to pay for it in life-long reduced attention spans and some goofy belief in “multi-tasking” that is only perceived but not real.