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Jun. 25 2010 - 7:43 am | 5,353 views | 0 recommendations | 3 comments

I so knew it

"Western soccer players humiliate DPRK."

Remember that extra-fishy World Cup match where the Portuguese crushed the North Koreans 7-nil?

Turns out I wasn’t the only who smelled the fish rot. A group of loyal St. Petersb– er, Leningrad Communists were also paying attention and their Central Committee has issued a statement revealing how the Portuguese, pledging fealty to their long-dead Fascist dictator Salazar, cheated the North Koreans of the victory that was rightfully theirs.

For starters, the plot entailed taking several North Korean players hostage. The four best players of the North Korean team were made to practice inside the walls of the American Embassy in South Africa so that the enemy could learn their fierce moves. Also, according to these truth hounds, evil South Koreans — who “did not listen to the instructions of the people’s coach, and refused to fulfill the commandments of Kim Jong Il” — were secretly swapped in for North Koreans at the last minute. These pawns of the world bourgeoisie simply let the goals in one after another. (The North Koreans, of course, never caught on, not even after the sixth goal was purposely let through by the South Koreans.)

And, my personal favorite, the real reason why the North Koreans were trounced by the fascists:

“The loss is explained by the fact that the artless soccer players of sunny DPRK ate only rice and fruit in order to stay in shape” — !!! — “while the Portuguese hourly pumped themselves with doping from frightening syringes.”

The Commies demand a redo.


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  1. collapse expand

    “players of the DPRK ate only rice and fruit”

    At least this part is true; there’s nothing to eat in North Korea.

  2. collapse expand

    Well, as we all know, soccer is just part of a big global conspiracy anyway…at least according to tinfoiler: http://tinfoiler.com/2010/06/15/world-cup-soccer-obviously-part-of-the-evil-socialist-liberal-agenda/

  3. collapse expand

    “A group of loyal St. Petersb– er, Leningrad Communists”

    Oh, Julia, those guys are “performance” (parody) project, created for fun and bad imaging of real communists. They have no connection to CPRF or other “lefts”.

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    Hi! I am a journalist who, for reasons of sentimentality and an abiding fascination with the absurd, decided to live and work in Russia for a year just as the country vies with Somalia for Most Un-Safest Spot for Journalists in the World. I will blog in a death-defying manner, dear reader. That is a promise.

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