A History of Swine Flu in Games
With the current disease du jour attempting to cross over into the big time as an official “pandemic,” I figured it’s as a good a time as any to look back on some of the more notable accounts of the swine flu, as documented by video games. So while we all sit back and wait for yet another thing President Obama can’t fix on our clock, let’s reflect on the heroes of the past who risked it all to save us.
3. Resident Evil – Our Saviors: Dr. Chris Redfield and Nurse Jill Valentine
Raccoon City suffered its own breakout of the swine flu in the late 90’s – it would eventually be distilled into a concentrated form of the disease known as the T-Virus (the name “Pig Virus” had already been trademarked years earlier by Howard Stern) and harnessed as a potential bioweapon against unruly populations, like Texas. Or at least that’s how I imagine the story goes, they lost me when they somehow wound up in Africa earlier this year. The results were catastrophic. Appetites turned away from normally nutritious bounties such as waffles and beer into a zest for flesh and blood. Heed your warning Obama, this is what it looks like when swine flu goes unchecked.
2. Theme Hospital – Our Savior: Dr. YOU (!)
Filling the shoes of both a Dr. Kelso and a Dr. Cox, it’s your job to manage the chaos of an everyday clinic. You need to take care of hiring, invest money into research and handle the amenities, all while trying to keep your doctors emoticon bubbles from turning angry face. Patients in Podunk, USA will test your patience with illnesses that range from Elvisitus to Baldness. And when you’re not dealing with their constant whining (or those lovely chain throw-up sessions), you’ll need to be on the lookout for the top hat toting big wigs from the health board who always manage to drop by at the most inopportune times. But at the end of the day, when all your lessons have been learned and the swine flu has been contaminated, you couldn’t ask for a better job or group of friends to carry you through.
1. Dr. Mario – Our Savior: Dr. Mario
- Dr. Mario J. Scalora
Plumber, ref, doctor, lover. Mario is many things to many people, but now that the swine flu is sweeping the country we need his help more than ever. And really, who better could you ask for – he’s got nearly 25 years of experience under his belt at fighting not only the Red and Yellow, but the volatile Blue virus as well (the most deadly from what I gather). Although when pressed, he’s never been able to produce legal documentation of his credentials (or his citizenship), he does wear a long white lab coat and a shiny plated headband, and that’s good enough for me. Word from Twitter is that he’s been hard at work the last few days experimenting with cures. Currently he’s eliminated the possibility of the Red Blue pill, as well as the Red Yellow combination. His hopes now lay with the experimental Blue Yellow medication, whose side effects range from mild headaches to explosive diarrhea – still, a small price for what amounts to a cure for this lethal flu.
Will Mario do what Obama can’t? We’ll all just have to sit tight and wait to find out.
Images Courtesy of MobyGames and IGN
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Think drummers are the only ones who get to pen scathing memoirs? They ain’t got nothing on a salaryman scorned. Prepare to be scandalized by one programmer’s unique method of venting.
If only people had listened to me when I suggested Dr. Mario, after Sanjay Gupta dropped out of the running for Surgeon General.
Now Obama’s really going to have egg on his face if Dr. Mario beats him to it.
In response to another comment. See in context »If Dr. Mario is so hard at work curing Swine Flu and/or gunning at the Surgeon General’s position following the inevitable expulsion/resignation of Dr. Gupta, how can he possibly find the time to Twitter? I wonder if he has one of his cronies (Physician’s Assistant Luigi, perhaps) do it for him…
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Zachary,
Agreed – there’s more to the PA Luigi story than I originally thought. Turns out he runs a black market pharmaceutical ring from a Canadian web address, peddling goods ranging from viagra and adderol to some of those crazy magic ’shrooms that those two are always going on and on about.
Yes, I’ve heard such rumors myself. It appears that his black market enterprise is financed by a former Canadian Miss Universe candidate who now goes by the alias Princess Peach…
In response to another comment. See in context »