Tiger Swings and Misses—Again

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And so the speculation—and the jokes—about what is really happening with Tiger Woods continues.

Did Elin really break a golf club over his head?

Did she demand that he leave golf or she’d leave him?

Is there an even bigger bombshell yet to come?

Tiger used his website again yesterday (Dec. 11) to issue his second statement, announcing he was taking an “indefinite break from professional golf.” He has not been seen in public since crashing his SUV into a neighbor’s tree in an early morning accident on Nov. 27, and nothing he said on his website answers any of the questions swirling around this story. Since nature abhors a vacuum,  every writer, comedian, and fan—and perhaps more women—will continue to fill in the blanks in the continuing destruction of what once appeared to be the perfect life.

“After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person,” Woods wrote on his website, his preferred—and to date only—means of communications.

“Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.”

Not sure just who has offered compassion and concern. Certainly not the flood of women who have come forward for their 15 minutes. Certainly not the David Lettermans and Conan O’Briens, who have been waging a race to the bottom for the worst Tiger joke of the year. Certainly not moralizing writers like Rick Riley, who’ve used Tiger’s problems to pass judgment from their own personal soap boxes.

Pulitzer Prize winner Eugene Robinson of the Washington Post—who I admire greatly—started a recent column by telling us to “Leave Tiger alone,” pointing out that “we have far more important things to worry about.” How true. Then Robinson wrote another 700 words about the golfer’s problems, including this nugget:

“Here’s my real question, though: What’s with the whole Barbie thing?

“No offense to anyone who actually looks like Barbie, but it really is striking how much the women who’ve been linked to Woods resemble one another. I’m talking about the long hair, the specific body type, even the facial features. Mattel could sue for trademark infringement.”

That’s the real question?

Let’s face it, this hasn’t been anyone’s hour of glory—Tiger’s or ours—as we continue taking voyeuristic pleasure in the golfer’s problems.

You do have to wonder about the advice and guidance Tiger is receiving from the people he pays million to handle his career. It’s not like the world that famous athletes live in is a secret to those inside the game (as you can read in this story from Deadspin). Every agent I’ve spoken to over the past two weeks is amazed at just how badly Tiger’s story has been handled. Most of them sound like Debi Mazar’s character Shauna on Entourage: “He’s got a shitty publicist. This wouldn’t happen if I was handling it.”

So far, it doesn’t seem like anyone is handling this story very well. And there’s little sign of any Tiger fatigue. Sadly, this doesn’t begin to end until Tiger comes forward—most likely with Oprah—and gives us his side of the story.

Until then, we will all continue to fill in the blanks.