Dear Glenn Beck: You know you’re a piece of *@#*^$&*!

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Dear Glenn. For the first time, I watched your Fox TV broadcast. Let me compliment you from the outset. You have a knack for doing voices of people you hate – especially young people whom you deem as naïve. Your caricature of a French accent is also tres magnifique, which proves you’re an educated person. I know you never went to college – you don’t cite an institution of higher learning on your web site biography – but lots of smart people don’t have a bachelor’s degree. You’re in the same educational camp as (to cite a liberal) Woody Allen, who was kicked out of NYU.

Glenn, I know Keith Olbermann hates you. Olbermann has called you an “uneducated, imperceptive, panicky whack job.” To tell you the truth, Glenn, I agree with Olbermann. Not on the “uneducated” claim (see the previous paragraph), but with the noun and other adjectives in Olbermann’s parry. In Friday night’s broadcast, Glenn, you came to the conclusion that “progressives are coddling kids” – and that president Obama and other Democrats were causing young people to have “disdain for the elderly.” Wow. Do you really think so? You made this assessment after showing a series of misleading clips, quotes, and comments. For example, you played audio of Al Gore telling students in 2009, “There are some things about the world that you know, that older people don’t know.”

Glenn, you said that Gore “didn’t realize the microphone was on” – as if Gore’s sentiment was some sneaky, off-the-record comment that’s part of a grand liberal cabal. Glenn, you played a video clip of students talking about the way they talk about politics to their parents. The clip was from BarackObama.com. You said Obama was trying to undermind parents by encouraging kids to speak their minds: “It’s not enough for kids to disagree on something and discuss it.  No. ‘Mom and dad are stupid! . . . The president says, ‘You must educate your dopey parents.’ . . . You see the pattern here!?!”

Yes. I do, Glenn. It seems you might be drinking again. Your vitriol is nonsensical. I know you had a big problem with liquor (it’s on your official bio), but that’s in the past, right? Glenn, you might want to watch another TV show that’s popular on cable: “Celebrity Rehab.” It’s about well-known people who still have issues with alcohol, drugs, and other stimulants. These people go to a clinic and get help from Dr. Drew Pinsky. Some of these celebs are in denial. Ex-NBA star Dennis Rodman has an alcohol problem. He won’t admit it, though – even after Dr. Pinsky had Rodman undergo a brain scan that showed his brain had suffered damage from binge drinking. Glenn, your brain might be impaired. This is nothing to be embarrassed about. You and Rodman are about the same age. You still have long lives ahead of you. I know a lot of liberals would like to see your early demise, Glenn, but I’m not one of them. I think there’s still hope for you. People change. You’re a modern version of P.T. Barnum, the showman who once owned slaves but then renounced his former views and became (gasp!) a liberal.

Like you, Barnum was wealthy beyond his wildest dreams. And like you, his work was a “fusion of entertainment and enlightenment.” Glenn, your version of absolutism sells tickets. You know that. But the people in your audience have real fury in their veins. They’re mad as hell and they don’t want to take it anymore. You give them an outlet, but your fury seems built on artifice. They get angrier. You get wealthier. God bless the U.S.A., Glenn. He created a country where anyone who works hard – even an undereducated, imperceptive, panicky whack job – can get ahead and stay there.

P.S. Here’s part one of the show that I watched. It’s often good to look on the recent past for clues to your state of being, but you know that already.