Michele Bachmann, quantum physicist
Rep. Bachmann poses with her recent research into unified field theory (via Daylife/Getty)
“WaPost Publishes Palin OpEd on Climate Science, Michele Bachmann Piece on Quantum Mechanics to Follow” – Firedoglake headline.
(With apologies to Sarah Palin and her ghostwriter.)
No Solace in the Quantum
By Michele Bachmann
When a piece of bread dropped by a swallow can stop the universe from being destroyed, the radical so-called “nuclear physicists” who tell us that nothing really exists appear to have hit a tipping point. The revelation that the Large Hadron Collider was shut down last month allows the American public to finally understand the concerns so many of us have articulated on this issue.
“Quantum-gate,” as this incident has become known, exposes a highly-politicized scientific circle at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) – the same circle whose work underlies efforts to foist a bizarre worldview on the public that reflects a socialistic view of the behavior of subatomic particles and cats and threatens lead us down a slippery slope toward fascism. The agenda-driven policies now showing up even in high school textbooks and popular movies won’t change the Newtonian conception of matter and energy, but they would change our society and our children’s minds for the worse.
The work of these “quantum mechanics” reveals that they have employed something called an “uncertainty principle” to manipulate data and since the 1930s have tried to silence their critics, including the great Albert Einstein, with their blasphemous assertion that God plays dice. What’s more, their work shows that there was no real consensus on the fundamental nature of reality even within the CERN crowd and in other organizations that make up the United Nations’ Ministry of Science, Regulation, Propaganda and Bureaucracy. Some scientists had strong doubts about the accuracy of estimates about wave-particle duality going back to an unspeakable ritual called the “double slit experiment.”
This scandal calls into question the U.S. government’s energy, environment, and health-related policies. If we supposedly cannot know with precision where something is or its momentum, it is a license for our government to do anything it wants. Quantum theory says that an observer can literally change reality. What is to stop the Obama White House from sending out teams of ACORN-trained “observers” to “change” our communities into whatever they want? We are now a fraction of a quantum away from tyranny.
I’ve alway believed that policy should be based on sound science, not politics. We must recognize that subatomic physics is still an unreliable and, frankly, somewhat creepy field not in keeping with our American traditions. Scientists are using money taken from the hard work of taxpayers for research into very tiny particles including quarks, muons and gluinos. Those names may be some kind of European-derived code for organizing a fifth column, but never mind that. These crypto-particles allegedly exist for just a few nanoseconds at very high energy states. How do we know they were ever there at all? To put it another way: you will never be able to convince me or my constituents that my cat is alive and dead at the same time. She looks pretty alive to me. Well, asleep. But definitely breathing. Trust me!
Perhaps these flaws can one day be addressed with bigger microscopes and better slide technologies. But for the moment, let me just say, we in Minnesota are sensible, bottom-line folk. Seeing is believing. If we can’t say with assurance what happens on scales smaller than the width of a hair, President Obama, we owe it to the American people to base our policies accordingly.
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by John McQuaid and Tweets Tube, Jeff A. Jones. Jeff A. Jones said: Michelle Bachmann, quantum physicist http://tinyurl.com/ybolkxl [...]
This is what happens when Limbaugh disciples gain power. The utter detachment from reality this woman displays would shock me if I hadn’t been listening to half my relatives and coworkers spreading their hatred for “liberals” for the past twenty years. All that hatred for these “liberals” none of them has ever met because the “liberals” they know only exist in their minds. These “liberals” may be figments and phantoms who disappear upon close inspection, but their hatred is focused on people who are very real. They direct their rage at good, rational, pragmatic people who only want to make the world better. They hate so many people who, if these “dittoheads” actually met and got to know, are completely unworthy of their contempt.
CERN, Obama and ACORN are plotting a fascist takeover of the world. Good God, how pathetically and magnificently stupid. Thanks, Rush. Thanks, Michele.
Little better could be offered to illustrate the state of contemporary education than Rep. Michele Bachmann’s essay “No Solace in the Quantum.” My hope is the essay was written tongue in cheek.
Representing experience as a discontinuum, rather than a continuum, quantum theory presents experience in a manner conducive to mathematical representation. In what way this is a “somewhat creepy field not in keeping with our American traditions” is unexplained.
Adhering to discoherence, the Copenhagen interpretation reduces physics to statistical summarization of sequential measurements. Einstein, adhering to classical coherence, declares God not playing dice with the universe.
Embracing Einstein’s cautionary, the many worlds, modal, and decoherence interpretations reintroduce an unobserved continuum in the supervenience occurring between observations. Now Rep. Bachman gets something of her beloved Newton back.
Indeed, Rep. Bachman’s equally beloved Schroedinger’s cat is alive or dead, not both, on the modal interpretation. Actually the cat is alive or dead, not both, on all interpretations if a systemic axiom.
Admittedly, Newton’s,
“law I
Every body continues in its state of rest, or of uniform motion in a right line, unless it is compelled to change that state by forces impressed upon it,”
applied to the material universe implies an immaterial first cause, a state quite consistent with Newton’s religious convictions.
Assuming an infinite universe, however, when only god can know infinity, the universe must be rendered finite if humans are to understand it. Quantum theory provides just such a representation.
Doing so, perhaps it is the depiction of humans as less than godlike which disturbs Rep. Bachman. Is this what renders quantum theory, “not in keeping with our American traditions?”
My God, I was expecting to hear the usual drivel from this right wing whacko. I was not expecting to hear solid thought and substance. This woman articulates exactly what is wrong with physics and how today’s wrongful assumptions in quantum physics and particle theory and allowing leadership to take on the role of God. The Divine Right of Kings has returned to us with a vengeance, but this time it comes right from the fount of higher math and science. This woman is right, for the one single time since I have been reading of her.
I am sorry. I have a stupid question. I am curious if this article is satire or real. Every fiber of my being says satire, but such is the state of the Republican mindset, I cannot be sure. They are, quite simply, batshit enough to believe this. I am asking a serious question, and would like a serious reply…
Thanks
A serious reply by who? By Michele? By the Republicans of her ilk? What she said is no satire, although she may have intended it to be so. I can’t say what was in her mind. We will never conquer space, the galaxy or the universe if we stick with Heisenburg. Hell, we may be back brachiating in the trees if we keep following the current quantum crap.
But, never forget, we are talking about theory here. There is plenty we do not know about everything. Think. Whoever wrote this article for Michele knew what the hell he or she was writing. If Michele is that clever, then maybe i have to watch her a little more closely.
Obama isn’t about to let facts or small particle/waves get in the way of his drive to destroy America with paper and ink….
Wait, is this real? Did Michele Bachmann really write this or is this satire? (Please, God, let it be satire.)
Hmmm, perhaps this is the particle Michele Bachmann, the wave Michele Bachmann believes that liberals restrict the space a particle can occupy depending on the observer. Or maybe it’s the other way around.
This is just brilliant. It makes me wonder: is it bittersweet that the subject of the piece is likely incapable of comprehending it, or does that just make it even funnier?
To anyone wondering: yes, this is satire.
For the record, I thought it was funny and assumed it was satire until this flashed through my mind: It is physically impossible for Sarah Palin to utter complete, coherent sentences yet she uses footnotes on her Facebook page. Bachmann pretending she was keen on the fundamentals of quantum physics is not such a stretch and at this point, it’s hard to tell.
In response to another comment. See in context »[...] plaintiffs at one point suggested a figure of 47 billion dollars” … “We are now a fraction of a quantum away from tyranny” … “Where our leaders are gathering, you can find only a [...]
Oh I absolutely loved this. When I showed it to Significant Other, he actually asked me, did Michelle Bachman really write this? Haha and he is quite familiar with Poe’s Law!! I have posted links to it in comments everywhere, including my blog http://www.witsendnj.blogspot.com.
In these miserable times, every bit of humor is precious.
You are now at the top of my bookmarks bar, Brilliant Work, Sir!!!