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Jul. 12 2010 — 10:54 am | 143 views | 0 recommendations | 1 comment

Vuvuzelas, Penalty Kicks and Landon Donovan

JOHANNESBURG, SOUTH AFRICA - JULY 11:  David V...

Image by Getty Images Europe via @daylife

This year, I set myself to the ridiculous task of watching all the World Cup soccer I could fit into my schedule. The idea was to, once and for all, settle the matter of whether or not I could tolerate soccer, and maybe, hopefully, even like it. I admit, I didn’t see every match. Sadly, I did have other obligations that tore me away from my television from time to time, the kinds of obligations that required I actually changed out of my jammies for the day, which is annoying no matter how you cut it. Turns out, I liked the soccer. I didn’t love it, but at the end of the day, the more I watched, I had to admit I  kind of enjoyed it. I liked it enough that I expect I’ll remember this World Cup for a long time. These are the things I’ll remember most.

1.  Rhapsody of the Vuvuzelas. These sounded like a swarm of killer bees, hopped up on angel dust, attempting a dissonant Mahler composition. It was so bad that even antidiluvian old FIFA considered banning them. (They wisely did not.) The strangest part of the Vuvuzelas (aside from the strident buzzing noise) was that they were blown continuously throughout, with no discernible relationship to the action on the field. They didn’t get louder or softer, didn’t change with a scoring opportunity or amazing defensive play. They just were. Like it or not, nobody will ever forget the Vuvuzelas.

2.  FIFA Idiocy. There is something to be said for tradition, for learning the old ways, so that we can understand where we come from and how we got here. That said, the tradition, the acceptance and the bizarre near pride in horror show officiating is not tradition or venerating those who came before. It is stupid.

I accept that officials make mistakes. They do. And you know what? That’s fine by me, because players make mistakes and coaches make mistakes. It happens. But any player as bad as the officials we watched would be benched immediately. Any coach that bad would be fired via a Twitter feed. So what would be wrong with weeding out the worst officials or holding all of them to a high standard of performance? FIFA operates in extremes:  either we have to suffer the inadequate, primeval buffoonery we saw in South Africa, or we will be beset by a horrible dystopian technological future, with malevolent computers running the game. I have seen hundreds of high school games – basketball, football, baseball and softball – all of which were officiated better then the World Cup, none of which had the benefit of instant replay. Competence is not technology dependent. If the officials at a Division III women’s college basketball game in East Bejeebers, Western Pennsylvania are better then the FIFA officials at the World Freaking Cup, then FIFA needs better officials. Period.

3. USA! USA! USA! Yeah, they bowed out in the first game of the elimination round, but Landon Donovan’s rebound goal in extra time is the kind of sports moment that those who were watching will always, always remember. I’ll remember for a long time where I was, who I was with and what it felt like. That may not be enough to turn soccer into a big time sport in America (I have a buddy who says that soccer is the sport of the future; and it always will be), but it doesn’t matter. I don’t care what happens in the future. This was one of those great moments, like Carlton Fisk’s homer, or The Catch, or Jordan’s Shot.

4.  Down goes Ghana. Even when they beat the USA, I enjoyed watching Ghana. I admired their speed. They were fast and they were fun. And their uniforms were snazzy. And did I mention how freaking fast these guys were? Now, I have nothing against Uruguay (and their uniforms are snazzy, too), but there was something very endearing about team Ghana. I like underdogs and I did want to see an African team advance just because. Because South American teams are always around in the semi-finals, to say nothing of the ubiquitous Eurotrash.  Then Ghana’s normally deadly penalty kicker, Asamoah Gyan booted the penalty kick off the crossbar, giving the Uruguayans new life. Remember that old “Wide World of Sports” opener, with the agony of defeat? If they ever resurect that show, they can use the footage of Gyan after the loss to Uruguay. It was painful to watch, no matter who you had been rooting for.

5.  Hamtastic. What I’ll remember most about Spain’s run was the beatdown they put on Germany. Before this World Cup, had you told me that a game with a 1-0 final score was a blow out, I would have laughed in your face. And then probably said something both rude and crass. And maybe a little bit funny. Maybe. But certainly rude. No way around it though, Spain’s semi-final victory was nothing short of an epic smackdown. And it was a beautiful sight. My sincerest congrats to the fans of the Ham Capital of the World.

All of that said, as much as I enjoyed this World Cup for reals, I don’t expect I’ll be going off in search of a soccer bar to watch the English Premiere League any time soon (although Wayne Rooney was in my dream last night, he really was). So, for now, I’ll say goodbye to my new buddy (or at least casual acquaintance) soccer. So long, and thanks for all the Vuvuzela Etudes. I expect that buzzing sound will leave my head by the time the NFL season kicks off.



Jun. 24 2010 — 10:45 am | 64 views | 0 recommendations | 0 comments

This Week in Doping

And now, a pause in World Cup coverage for another week of doping headlines, rumors, updates and opinions.

For the last few weeks, I’ve posted stories and updates about the University of Waterloo football steroid scandal. Everybody is weighing in on this.

Chris Cochrane with The Chronicle Herald with his thoughts about the disbanding of the football program:

The real victims in all steroid scandals, and particularly this one at Waterloo, are those student-athletes who don’t cheat. Now, at Waterloo, they’re without a football program due to the knee-jerk reaction of Waterloo administration.

The school could have moved ahead without the cheating players and allowed the clean players to play football again next year. That would have been justice. Now the clean players will have to transfer to another school if they want to play.

On the front lines, the undergraduate students paper at the University of Calgary, The Gauntlet, opines on the hypocrisy of sports culture vis-a-vis PED’s.

Scott Stinson at the National Post, on the role money plays in the management of college athletics and testing for PED’s.

Back in the good ole U.S. of A., Ken Burns, auteur of the mega-American-documentary, will be back with a coda to his 18 1/2 hour “Baseball,” which will deal with the stain of steroids, among other things, per Kevin Sherrington at the Dallas Morning News.

Ray McNulty at the TC Palms interviews former MLB Commissioner Fay Vincent on the efficacy of baseball’s drug testing policy:

“I’ve had a player tell me that a drug test is an intelligence test,” said Vincent, who fired baseball’s first shot in its fight against steroids with a 1991 memo that cited federal law and made them illegal in the game, though he had no authority to punish players who used them. “There is no test for HGH. There are a number of athletes taking steroids with a doctor’s prescription. So I’m skeptical about how much drug use is still going on.”

Ever wonder where the steroids are coming from? Immigration and Customs agent, Sean Patrick Ganley plead guilty to importing steroids on Tuesday, in U.S. District Court in Seattle, Washington.

Then, there’s this pusher:

Richard Andrew Thomas of Lakeland, Fla., will serve eight months in federal prison, a plea his attorneys worked out after Thomas agreed to help investigators’ inquiry of Washington-area chiropractor Doug Nagel. Nagel was arrested by deputies from the Polk County (Fla.) Sheriff’s Department in March on seven counts of solicitation to deliver a controlled substance and a one count of conspiracy to deliver a controlled substance.

Nagel’s case is moving forward in a Polk County court and there was a pre-trial hearing on Tuesday.

Nagel’s attorney, Brian West, said his client has never supplied steroids to anyone, let alone any pro athletes. Nagel did treat a handful of Capitals players at his office located in a mall attached to the team’s training facility. The players interviewed by investigators — including Eric Fehr, Shaone Morrisonn and Matt Bradley — denied Nagel supplied them with any illicit drugs.

And finally in the NFL, Ed Gant, wide out for the Arizona Cardinals, received a four game suspension for a positive test for a banned substance.



Jun. 23 2010 — 4:37 pm | 619 views | 0 recommendations | 24 comments

Team USA Saves Best for Last

Landon Donovan after a match, 2009

Image via Wikipedia

I admit it. I had my first, honest to goodness, moment of pure soccer elation when Landon Donovan scored the winning goal for Team USA in extra time. It was legit. I was jumping and screaming and hugging. It was as joyous as it was unexpected.

I set myself to a task – to watch every game of World Cup action – to see if I could embrace, or at least understand what all the vuvuzela honking was about. I learned that soccer is a slow burn. I was skeptical. I was bored. I was restless. But the more I watched, the more I didn’t mind watching. It was okay, I thought. Not great, but okay.

And then a weird thing happened. I started to look forward to matches. I was reading about different teams and watching the highlights to learn what I could from the commentary. I emailed a soccer expert buddy of mine to have her explain the ever slippery soccer off-sides rule. (So much more convoluted that off-sides in hockey, let me just say.)

Last night, I was twitchy in anticipation of the game this morning. Who the hell was I? I didn’t know. I didn’t even care. It was fun. I gave into it.

Yeah, yeah. I know. New to the sport. Bandwagon jumper. Neophyte. All of those dubious honorifics probably apply to me. I’ll own that. And yet … when Donovan netted the winner, it was genuinely euphoric, ecstatic and, yes, karmic payback, you FIFA officiating beeyotches.

It’s not just us annoying Yanks who have been complaining about the officiating. It is everywhere. Try doing a google search of “world cup officiating controversies” and you get about 30 pages of hits in as many languages. Handballs have been missed, egregious fouls have been missed, seemingly good goals have been waved off without explanation, and non-existent fouls have garnered cards of both the red and yellow variety.

Team Brazil is without their best player – Kaka – because of a phantom foul when Kader Keita of the Ivory Coast kinda brushed up against Kaka and then went down like Amy Winehouse after a long night full of jagerbombs.  This phantom infraction earned Kaka a second yellow card for the match and thus, he is DQ’ed from playing against Portugal on Saturday.

To pour salt on the myriad officiating wounds, the refs themselves are shrouded in secrecy, protected from the media, and insulated from the real world. In short, they operate a lot like the Roman Catholic Church, or the International Olympic Committee, for that matter, with zero transparency and just as much accountability. The only group more getting worse press than the officials is Team France and you don’t need to be a lifelong fan of the English Premiere League to know that something is rotten in South Africa — the officiating.

But let’s not linger over what is wrong, but rather what is right. What is right is the American Cardiac Kids for the 21st century. Up against the wall because of the debatable draw versus Slovenia, and certainly well aware that England was hanging on to a 1-0 lead over Slovenia, the U.S. knew that a draw versus Algeria would not be enough to propel them past the round of group play. A win was essential. (Advancing on a draw would have been so less than satisfying anyway.)

They dug in and mounted scoring opportunity after scoring opportunity, but it seemed the goal, the one elusive goal, just would not come. Donovan was very quiet for much of the game. Herculez Gomzez missed the goal. Jozy Altidore missed the goal. Edson Buddle missed the goal. Clint Dempsey missed the goal. Michael Bradley hit a beauty, but right into the belly of the Algerian keeper, M’Bolhi. Hell, it seemed like the entire team missed the goal at one point or another.

But they kept coming. And coming. Tim Howard and Carlos Bocanegra held down the fort, making every necessary defensive play and save to keep the hope alive. These guys love to score late. In 18 qualifying games, they scored 10 goals in the last 10 minutes of regulation play and in their game against Slovenia, Bradley netted the tying goal in the 82nd minute.

It was fitting that it wasn’t until the extra time that their relentless pursuit paid off. Howard made a garden variety save, looked up the pitch, spied Donovan and winged the ball up to him. Donovan, the face of American soccer, streaked down field, fed the ball to Altidore, and then moved across the goal to be in position to blast in the rebound of Dempsey’s shot for the game winner.

Is this time —  the 91st minute of play in the final game of group play — the exact moment when the USA crashed the rest of the world’s party?

Time will tell, but this is a team hitting every soft spot that we as a nation have. Americans love come backs. We love underdogs. While as a nation, we are rarely underdogs, but if ever we are, it’s on the soccer pitch.

An underdog team staging improbable victory against all odds in the waning moments — how much more American can you get?



Jun. 16 2010 — 3:34 pm | 94 views | 0 recommendations | 5 comments

This Week in Doping

New York Yankees pitcher Roger Clemens arrives...

Image by AFP/Getty Images via @daylife

Somehow, I neglected to update This Week in Doping last week. Must have been all the excitement of the World Cup and the confusion of the college conference do-si-do. Or maybe I was incapacitated by the vuvuzelas buzzing my head. Be that as it may, neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor scoreless soccer matches will keep performance enhancing drugs out of the headlines.

First, with the most familiar faces — major league baseball players. According to this story in the AP, Roger Clemens’ former trainer and alleged dealer, Brian McNamee, says that he was paid for performance enhancing drugs by the Roger Clemens Foundation. (I am not responsible if you have Elton John’s “Rocket Man” stuck in your head for days if you click on that link. Consider yourself duly warned.)

Does this open a can of IRS- style whup-ass on the Rocket? I really don’t know, but if it does, aren’t those guys the ones who got Al Capone?

In other disgraced former major leaguer news, the ginormous coconut-sized head of Barry Bond’s reared itself this week. As  the San Francisco Chronicle reports, a federal appeals court tossed out key evidence in his perjury case, so Barry could get away cleanly, if you’ll pardon the expression.

Jon Pessah makes his case to let both of these cases drop and it’s pretty compelling. Maybe I’m a more short-sighted, pettier person than Pessah, but it would feel wrong to let Bonds and Clemens fade comfortably into the woodwork when Marion Jones had to go to the slam. What a couple of peaches Bonds and Clemens are, huh?

In the fighting world, after years of dismissing allegations that he used steroids, Mixed Martial Arts and Ultimate Fighting Pioneer, Ken ‘The World’s Most Dangerous Man’ Shamrock, admitted that he doped this week. Ben Cohen had a comprehensive post about Shamrock:

… in some cases it doesn’t require too much imagination to see that an athlete is artificially enhancing their physique. And in Shamrock’s case, you just need to look at him.

To prepare for an MMA bout, fighters need to go through intensive conditioning and sports specific training. You rarely see bulging body builder type muscles because they serve no purpose in real combat situations. Fighters simply don’t have the time to put on extra muscle because it would eat into the precious hours they use to prepare themselves for fighting. To attain an extraordinary physique like Shamrock’s naturally (carrying probably an extra 50lbs of muscle over his natural fighting weight), one would need serious amounts of food, supplements and time dedicated to achieving that level of muscularity. And while Shamrock was most certainly a good athlete, he wasn’t anything special so would never have had the time to train properly for a fight and look like a professional body builder 20 years his junior.

I wonder if MMA athletes would see other benefits from steroid use? Not to get big like Ken Shamrock, but just to come back from injury quicker. Which is not to say that steroid use is rampant in fighting. But wouldn’t there be benefits in the form of a quicker post-fight/post-injury recuperation periods, just like any other sport? MMA Torch did a nice job of covering the Shamrock, too.

Seems like the Shamrock story lead to a bunch of MMA/UFC coverage and, per MMAJunkie, the UFC released the results from the May 29th event in which all 13 fighters who were tested came back clean. Which is good news, of course, but for a really comprehensive look at drug testing and where it’s headed in professional fighting, check out John Morgan’s story at MMA Junkie.

Two weeks ago, I linked to a couple of stories about a steroid scandal in Canadian College Football.

On Monday, according to the USA Today, the University of Waterloo suspended it’s entire football team for a year as a result of the scandal.

Jeremy Grimaldi at the Hamilton Spectator has some good thoughts on why players do it.

And Bruce Arthur at the National Post has some interesting thoughts about the scandal, which would seem to be just the tip of the iceberg for the CIS (the Canadian Interuniversity Sport.)

And, last but not least, Tennessee Titans second year linebacker, Gerald McRath received a four game suspension for violating the league’s drug policy, per NFL’s Fanhouse.

June 3rd, This Week in Doping.

May 27th, This Week in Doping.

May 20th, This Week in Doping.



Jun. 15 2010 — 11:21 am | 134 views | 0 recommendations | 3 comments

Big 12 Conference Not Dead Yet

2007 Texas Longhorns football team enters the ...

Image via Wikipedia

Alternately titled, the BCS conference commissioners and the boosters who love them. This story changes every 15 minutes so it’s worth updating my last post about it. I’m exhausted just following the movements.

Looks like the Big 12, in the form of 10 teams, is going to survive. All this because the Texas Longhorns agreed to stay, and, thus, A&M and Oklahoma are staying. We’re not dead yet! says the Big 12. According to the USA Today, Big 12 Commissioner Dan Beebe will speak about the new peace, but here’s how the television money appears to break down:

He is expected to address reports by operators of Texas fans website Orangebloods.com, which cited people familiar with the decision, and other outlets that the schools were induced to stay by projections of increased TV revenue — $20 million a year for Texas, Texas A&M and Oklahoma and $14 million-$17 million for the other seven Big 12 members, a substantial rise from the $8 million-$13 million distributed this year. Beebe did not return a request for comment.

Texas also is free to continue pursuing its own TV network.

Which they no doubt, will do. I wonder, if Texas does establish it’s own network – UTTV or something versus a Big 12 Network (modeled on the Big 10 Network)  - how will that affect the balance of power within the Big 12?

But, for the foreseeable future (i.e., the next seven hours or so), the Big 12 conference looks like this:  Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Kansas, Kansas State, Baylor, Missouri and Iowa State.

I don’t expect them to sit still. Once feeding time at the zoo was announced, all the conferences got ants in their pants.

In the rest of the midwest, the Big 10 now has a dozen teams and they have said that they’re going to remain that way For at least another dozen months.

Here’s the Big 10 lineup:  Michigan, Michigan State, THE Ohio State, Penn State, Iowa, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Northwestern, Purdue and Nebraska.

Bear in mind that the Big 10 has never hidden the fact that they very much covet Notre Dame. Who knows how much longer the Golden Domers can hold out with power conferences gathering so much, well, power.

And, in the area of publicly declared lust, the Pac-10 made no secret of it’s desire to poach the Texas-Oklahoma axis from the Big 12 and has a bit of egg on it’s face now that the Big 12 retained the Texas-Oklahoma axis and has resolved to stand firm. But, with the addition Colorado (who they did manage to lure from the Big 12) the Pac-10 is sitting on 11 teams, but are probably not done maneuvering yet. For now, the Pac-10 looks like this:  USC, UCLA, Cal, Stanford, Washington, Washington State, Oregon, Oregon State, Arizona, Arizona State, and Colorado.

It is speculated that the West Coasters will continue to try to put together at least a dozen teams, if not the super conference of 16 teams originally envisioned. Word is that the 12th potential team is Utah, currently of the Mountain West Conference, which conference just poached Boise State from the WAC conference. Of course, by the time I hit the “publish” button, no doubt there will have been even more changes.

Why the push for super conferences? Money. Championship game money. Which is to say, football championship game money. With enough teams, a conference can split into two divisions, a’la the SEC, and then have a conference championship game. That one game can mean kaboodely millions on TV revenue for a conference. The Detroit Free Press estimates that a Big 10 championship game could mean about $15 mil in revenue just for one game, which is a whole lot of motivation for ADs and conference commissioners everywhere.


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