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Jul. 23 2009 - 2:59 am | 5 views | 0 recommendations | 0 comments


There are lots of things I wish I had an app for. Like a memory eraser would be nice. A waitress from Reno comes to mind. Or an app that would not only find Bin Laden, but make him agnostic. That would be cool. How about an app that gets Obama’s health care bill through Congress? The point is, don’t fire off any unnecessary neurons, just create an app that does it for you. Don’t think or relate to people. Just immerse yourself in the existential void of your iPhone, surely you’ll find an answer or a pleasant distraction.

I get it. Human beings need all the help they can get before Armageddon hits in 2012. But seriously can’t we just take a small breather from the matrix? Apparently this app-frenzy knows no bounds. You can now actually score weed with your iPhone–albeit, legally. A new app called “Cannabis” created by AJNAG.com does just that. Glaucoma weighing you down? Just pull out your Jesus phone and find the nearest medical marijuana shop. Because when you need to take the edge off, you don’t have time to dilly-dally with traffic to get home and smoke your stash. You need weed now for f__ks sake! It’s a frickin’ emergency!

Not only can you find the nearest “pharmacy” with Cannabis, should you find yourself in an imbroglio with with a sheriff, you can even use the app to find a marijuana-sympathetic lawyer. Yay!

What’s next? The prostitute app? The vicodin app?

I’m drowning in utility. Help.


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    About Me

    If you are consoled by absurd--whether it's auctioning off virginity or adding cocaine alkaloids to Red Bull--you're in the right place. We can't have hope without knowing our contradictions. It's lonely being a gadfly. I'm currently a Sr. Editor at the Los Angeles Times Magazine and I've written for numerous publications (from travel, to personal essays, to entertainment) including the Los Angeles Times, the New York Times, Rolling Stone and the now defunct, but missed, New York Sun.

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    Contributor Since: May 2009