7 reasons why Chicago has already discovered the optimum way to slice pizza
When the British took out their surveying tools to divvy up the Middle East, the world got the Middle East that we all love so much today.
The optimum slicing strategy for pizza: Grid. Brendan Lekan photo courtesy of Time Out Chicago. http://tinyurl.com/y8byr2g
Now they (or at least two British mathematicians) are working on the most equitable way to slice a pizza.
It is to laugh.
All the while they are running a knife in triangular shapes, Chicago have long known that the best way to cut a pizza is in a grid. Below is a piece of a New Scientist story about the UK antics. Below that are the seven reasons why slicing a pizza in a grid is superior.
As with many mathematical conundrums, the answer has arrived in stages – each looking at different possible cases of the problem. The easiest example to consider is when at least one cut passes plumb through the centre of the pizza. A quick sketch shows that the pieces then pair up on either side of the cut through the centre, and so can be divided evenly between the two diners, no matter how many cuts there are.
via The perfect way to slice a pizza – physics-math – 11 December 2009 – New Scientist.
Reasons why pizzas are best cut in a grid fashion:
1. It saves the Earth. KIds hate crusts. They leave spitty, brown pizza frowns on the table. Give them interior squares and save resources and landfill space.
2. It’s more delicious. Grid-cut pizzas result in small, crispy morsels that are like nutritious baked chips, but with flavor.
3. Smart urban planning has led the way. Great cities are laid out in a grid, making them easy to navigate. Same with pizza.
4. It saves lives. If you take a triangular slice of pizza, you’re committed — or should be committed — to eating the whole thing. Large portions encourage overeating. Eat on a grid and cut your chances of obesity and heart disease.
5. It makes you more attractive. You can’t eat a triangular slice without looking like a gaping eating machine.
6. Did you read No. 5? Read it again.
7. It makes leftovers classy. Leftover squares can be laid cheese side to cheese side and eaten, neatly, as a sandwich.
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This is nothing short of blasphemy,
Certainly you are familiar with Neapolitans 3:16,
Thou shalt slice the pizza like unto the slicing of a pie; thy slices shall be triangular in shape, and the eating of the slice shall be done from the narrow end of the triangle. To do otherwise would be an abomination unto the Lord.
Amen.
You know your Old Testament. I’ll give you that. But wasn’t it John, in his letter to Visqueens, who said, “Be the angles three, then flee. It is four that He adore (sic).”
In response to another comment. See in context »I wonder if this is why I still don’t like crust? The center squares are the best!
8. It is better for the environment because triangular slices usually have no strength and therefore fall into the eater’s lap, necessitating dry cleaning.
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Pizza isn’t a knife-and-fork meal. Period. When you cut it in squares, grease automatically drips all over your hands. The crust is supposed to be a convenient handle. If you must, dip the crust into olive oil or extra sauce.
As for the “strength” issue, pizza crust is supposed to be crisp, with a thin layer of sauce, mozzarella, and 1-2 well chosen toppings like prosciutto and basil.
Not the thick gooey crust with a friggin’ casserole sitting on top. Deep dish isn’t even pizza- it’s another unholy sign of the impending Apocalypse.