All of you recession negative Nellies should just quit your bellyaching now, because … guess what?

According to the L.A. Times, our millionaire count is on the rise again! This after the “poor” folks’ ranks dropped 27% in 2008, what with the economy being all icky and such. The number of millionaires in the U.S. is now up 16% from those desperate times, according to a national survey by the Spectrem Group.

Either this bodes well, or very, very badly, for the masses of us who are still working day and night jobs to break even and remembering our 2007 salaries (like, an actual salary?!) with equal measures of nostalgia and disbelief.

“Households with net worth of $1 million or more—not including their primary home—grew to 7.8 million in 2009,” according to the report.

If they had me at “not including their primary home,” Patti Stanger must be ecstatic.

While Us Weekly bills Suri Cruise’s glossy pink-lipsticked mouth as “cute,” I find it intensely disturbing—even more so than kitten heels or coatlessness.

What do you think?

I love it when pizza-and-wing-stealing criminals are caught in the net of their own bad manners!

A pizza delivery man was attacked for his pies early Saturday morning, but the suspected thieves didn’t make as clean a getaway as they had hoped—the idiots left a Hansel-and-Gretel-like trail of pizza and chicken wing sauce right to their front door.

There are days when I’ve wanted pizza bad. But never so bad that I was inspired to hit my delivery guy on the head with a coffee pot, grab the pie, and bolt. Also, I always use napkins.

I admit, though, marinara sauce and white clothing do seem to have a love-hate relationship.

No word on whether the pies were Domino’s new recipe. Which might explain some things.

Could this be a signifier of the end of the recession—or simply an inevitable (albeit artistic) low point in our culture’s ongoing obsession with thin?

Per the New York Times,

One of Alberto Giacometti’s best-loved bronzes, “Walking Man I,” broke the world record price for a work of art at auction, selling to an unidentified telephone bidder for $92.5 million, or $104.3 million with fees at Sotheby’s in London on Wednesday night.

Either way, I’m going to take it as a good sign, even if the waifish work was purchased by one oligarch or another. And I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of hungry.

Image by AFP/Getty Images via Daylife

This has to be one of the best article titles ever, from the AP: “Feng Shui Master Loses Bid for Ex-Lover’s Fortune”

In a nutshell?

A feng shui adviser who had an affair with Asia’s richest businesswoman before she died lost his bid for her multibillion-dollar estate Tuesday when a Hong Kong court deemed the will in which he was named a forgery.

It’s a story complete with gifted pigtails, money burning, and illicit love. Aspiring novelists and Law and Order writers, take note.

He did get to keep the pigtails. Hey, billions may come and go, but hair is forever.