Disinfect that seat when you're done? Thanks.

As covered in this space previously, nudists take their nudism seriously. They’re part of a liberation movement — not licentious swingers.

Paradise Lakes Resort — just 15 miles north of America’s brown eye, aka Tampa — should’ve been more mindful of this when they promoted the Miss G-String International pageant, to be held on the premises. Because the advert featured a naked whore wiping her vagina on a motorcycle (at right), the American Association for Nude Recreation suspended Paradise Lakes’ membership.

Take it away, St. Petersburg Times:

The advertisement didn’t sit well with the American Association for Nude Recreation, which suspended Paradise Lakes’ membership Friday, saying the resort’s marketing activities “sexualized the nudist experience.”After learning about the suspension, the resort withdrew its affiliation with the AANR.

Paradise Lakes officials could not be reached Monday.

AANR, which says it provides lobbying support and marketing discounts for more than 250 “wholesome and friendly” member clubs and resorts, investigated Paradise Lakes and ruled some of its advertising was inconsistent with AANR’s principles.

“We promote social, family nude recreation, and that’s what we want our clubs to do,” said Carolyn Hawkins, AANR’s public relations coordinator.

The organization’s principles and standards state clearly that “any club that deliberately advocates, endorses, encourages or promotes sexual activities or sexual enterprises is subject to revocation of its charter.”

This isn’t the first time the AANR has taken, ahem, a hard line with an overly sexualized clothing-optional resort. Last year, the “luxurious” Caliente — in Pasco, a stone’s throw from Paradise Lakes — was suspended for hosting Swingfest 2008. The resort’s membership hasn’t been reinstated.

So what’s the lesson here? Tampa is gross.

Paradise Lakes Resort’s racy ad creates rift with national nudist organization | St. Petersburg Times

Paradise Lakes: America’s Premier Clothing-Optional Resort

Double thong, I say. Double thong!

In August, I’ll take my very first package vacation. My island-loving girlfriend found a deal she couldn’t pass up, so we’re heading to Jamaica for a week of swim-up bars and frozen margaritas. If these snobbish, misanthropic indie travelers are willing to buy into a package, it must be a good deal.

But at least it’s a real resort. And it’s not in Negril. I can’t even guess who still goes to Hedonism II and III, the “adults-only” resorts whose very name suggests hot tubs slick with splooge and bartenders with juicy cold sores.

Apparently, lots of dudes still go. Too many dudes, in fact. In an effort to attract more female guests, Hedonism II has announced its “Threesome is a Freesome” promotion, wherein three women are invited to cram into a bedroom built for two. From Travel Weekly’s deal section:

Hedonism is an Adult Only, 18 and older resort so only Double, Single Guaranteed or Single Share Occupancy is accepted. However, since Hedonism can tend to be slightly more male dominated and in an effort to bring more Female clientele to the resort, we have created the “Threesome Is A Freesome” promotion. This promotion, three females can stay in one room, for the price of two and can split the cost three ways. This promotion is applicable to any promotion available at the time of booking, in any room category with the exception of Suites at Hedo III. Applicable to Females only, not applicable to any combination of male/female…

You can be as free as you want to be, depending on your mood. For a quiet, private moment, slip off to a shaded hammock with a good book. Or shed your inhibitions, and join in the party on the nude beach. Just be yourself, or someone else entirely. Whatever makes you happy.

Only a suitcase full of Handi Wipes and Purell could make me happy there.

Hedonism Threesome Is A Freesome | Travel Weekly.

Sorry, but the boots seem like cheating.

Swiss authorities can’t make up their minds about German nudists. In April, one town banned freikörperkultur enthusiasts from hiking naked through their rolling hills. They’ve even prepared “no nude hiking” sign. From Metro:

Swiss officials have stepped up their campaign against the scourge of naked hiking – by ordering warning signs telling ramblers to keep their clothes on. The country’s mountain footpaths have been plagued by a craze for nude walking – with Germans the main culprits – that have shocked more traditional hikers.

In April, citizens of the tiny canton of Appenzell Inner Rhodes voted overwhelmingly to impose a 200 Swiss franc (£120) fine on nude hikers.

Now official signs banning the hobby are being distributed to authorities throughout the country. Designer Dan Walter originally drew the sign as a prank, but was astonished when orders started to flood in. He added: ‘It was a bit of a joke sending the sign in to the government. I just wanted to see what their reply would be for a laugh. I never expected an order for more.’

But at the same time, a Swiss tram company is trying to capitalize on the free-spirited Krauts. From the AP:

An aerial tramway company in eastern Switzerland is advertising its Alpine rides with a new scenic attraction: there’s a chance you might see a naked hiker.

Toggenburger Bergbahnen AG says that, apart from the usual breathtaking panorama and mountain wildlife, tourists might catch sight of ramblers wearing only hiking boots and socks.

The company released a new advertising campaign Thursday claiming that “mountain goats, eagles and maybe even a few naked hikers make riding the aerial tramway a real experience.”

I enjoy skinning dipping in hotel pools after dark, and I’ve been known to jump in a lake without my swimming trunks. But taking a long walk on a hot day without my trousers sounds miserable. Yet, apparently “freehiking” is a real thing, and not just among Germans. They just managed to find a way to cause an international incident with it.

Swiss order ‘no naked hiking’ signs | Metro.co.uk .

Swiss aerial tram company touts naked attractions | AP.

This Freikörperkultur enthusiast is out and proud.

It’s springtime for Germans, which can mean just one thing — swingin’ sex parties! One small town on the Baltic Sea isn’t keen to host outdoor orgies this year. From The Local:

Aschau beach, near the resort town Eckernförde in the German state of Schleswig-Holstein, is just hidden from view along the B76 motorway and has long been a popular Freikörperkultur (FKK), or nudist, swimming site. But last summer, it somehow became a magnet for a more hardcore set of visitors who began having swinger parties. This then drew voyeurs, but [Altenhof Mayor Hilmar] Marohn said non-swingers had also been confronted by the outdoor sex.

“There have been involuntary witnesses to sexual acts, and normal women just walking their dogs along the nearby path were approached and told to remove their clothing,” Marohn explained. “There are only about 300 people in our community, but there were enough complaints that we knew it was not a coincidence.”

Translated as “free body culture” — and shorthanded as FKK — Freikörperkultur is a long-standing nudism movement that I unknowingly discovered as a young man. It came by way of bootleg VHS cassettes of naked fräuleins sold at a fringe video store. You know, back in the late 80s, when New York City still had fringe video stores and men still punished themselves using VHS cassettes.

These days, Freikörperkultur — or something like it — is just a few clicks away on YouPorn. Altenhof’s mayor is fully aware of this. As quoted in The Local, Marohn told Der Spiegel:

“This is not an attack on the normal, totally harmless FKK that has been tolerated in the area for years,” he said. “We are not prude. This has to do with activities like gang bangs that then get posted on the internet – we cannot tolerate this.”

God bless. Can you imagine Mayor Bloomberg saying “gang bang” in an interview?

via Coastal town fights swinger sex parties on Baltic beach – The Local.