Nipple bites man? Not news. Man bites nipple? Stop the presses!

Nipple-biter.

Yes, I’m getting back to work. Thanks for asking. Let’s end this holiday (and marriage-related) hiatus with a story out of Chicago, wherein one police officer learned the hard way never to arrest a hungry perp:

Fernando Cooper, 31, of the 18100 block of South Kedzie Avenue in Hazel Crest, was charged at 8:15 p.m. Monday with attempting to disarm a peace officer and aggravated battery to a peace officer, both of which are felonies. He was also charged with three counts of misdemeanor resisting arrest and cited with a city violation for panhandling in a prohibited manner, according to police…

Near North District officers who were already in the area saw a disturbance and a struggle, during which the officer identified himself as police but Cooper allegedly continued to refuse “verbal commands,’’ and bit the officer, prompting responding officers to deploy a chemical spray at Cooper,  the report said.

The officer suffered swelling and cuts to eye along with a severe bite to the nipple.

An ambulance transported the officer to Northwestern Memorial Hospital where he was treated by a doctor who later said the victim lost a body part because of severe damage from the bite, according to the report.

Judging from the mugshot, Cooper didn’t escape unscathed either.

Police: Man charged with biting cop, grabbing holster | Chicago Sun Times.