Americans have not cornered the market on awful parenting.

Do you just love Toddlers & Tiaras? Can’t get enough of garbage people pushing their children onto shoddy stages, dressed like whores and instructed to dance accordingly? Then you can’t miss this year’s Carnival parade in Rio, where seven-year-old Julia Lira is set to perform as her samba school’s drum corps queen. Surely you’re familiar with Carnival: the costumes, the dancing, the tits.

From the Daily Mail (emphasis mine):

A row has broken out in Brazil over plans to make a seven-year-old girl the ‘queen’ of a samba school in this year’s Rio de Janeiro carnival.

The role of ‘drum corps queen’ is normally given to a barely-clad model or soap opera star.

The decision to appoint Julia Lira to the coveted role has caused such controversy that a judge is considering blocking her participation.

A state agency that defends children’s rights has also said she’s too young to take on the role.

But the child’s father, who happens to be the president of the Viradouro group, says Julia is a natural who can easily samba through the 80-minute parade route in Rio’s sweltering summer heat.

‘Any man who looks at a seven-year-old child and feels any sort of excitement should go see a doctor,’ Marco Lira said before rehearsal this week…

Brazil has long had a problem with sexual exploitation of children, especially in the lawless Amazon region. Allowing Julia to be a drum corps queen ‘would increase the treatment of children as sexual objects in Brazilian society,’ said Carlos Nicodemos, director of the Rio de Janeiro state Council for the Defense of Children and Adolescents.

‘We’re not against kids participating in Carnival; it’s part of Brazilian culture,” Nicodemos said. ‘What we can’t allow is putting a seven-year-old girl in a role that traditionally for carnival has a very sexual focus.’

I haven’t experienced Carnival in Rio, but I’ve been to Trinidad for the insanely fun — and highly sexualized — multiday bacchnalia. It’s run differently there, but the core idea is the same: Thousands of people don costumes, dance in the street, drink all day and fuck all night. (My goodie bag included a Red Bull and a condom.)

According to the Daily Mail, judge Ivone Ferreira Caetano has taken an interest in the case and is considering what, if any, action should be taken to protect the girl. According to the father, judge Caetano has asked for more information about Julia’s function and costume — and what time she would be dancing. At present, her team is scheduled for midnight on February 14.

By the way, this particular samba school is no stranger to controversy. A few years ago, they attempted to stage a performance with a dancer dressed like Hitler — on a float decorated with naked mannequins and dolls representing dead Jews. Then, as now, a judge intervened.

Row over girl’s Rio carnival role as samba queen | Mail Online.

Smoking is the least of this kid's problems.

Still posting stupid photos on Facebook? Learn from the case of the UK’s Rebecca Davey, an 18-year-old garbage person who posted a picture of her six-month-old son with a cigarette dangling from his mouth. Don’t get me wrong — I think it’s adorable, not unlike putting a Santa Claus hat on my puppy. Hilarious. The coppers were not amused. From the Sun:

Pals of six-month-old Ollie’s mum Rebecca Davey, 18, were horrified when the photo was posted by a relative on the social networking site.

The picture shows Ollie in a striped babygro with the unlit fag between his lips.

Shocked friends complained to Facebook bosses and the snap was later removed.

One said: “What chance has that kid got if the family behave like this?”

Cops said they had visited Rebecca’s home in Southend, Essex, but there were “no immediate concerns” for Ollie’s welfare.

Last night Michelle Elliott from the child safety charity Kidscape said: “The problem we have here is that we have babies having babies and they think something like this is funny.

“Even though the cigarette is not lit, what kind of message does this send out? It’s completely inappropriate and irresponsible.”

A police spokesman: “We received information in the early hours of Saturday morning about a picture of a baby with a cigarette in its mouth that had appeared on Facebook.

Officers traced the family and the spokesman added: “The matter was referred to social services for any following action.”

The Daily Mail was kind enough to paint a more thorough portrait of the mother:

- Her status update: Some w***** reported me to the police abwt picture off ollie.

- Her eloquent declaration of love: Why Would SomeOne Do That To Me U Ollie No was taking U Yur Mine for lyfee Darlinggg Mummy Loves You :)

- Her friends’ support: Some ppl r nosey f****** aint they!! dw ur a good mum they wont hassle u 4 long!!!

Fury as baby ’smokes’ fag | The Sun.

Nipple-biter.

Yes, I’m getting back to work. Thanks for asking. Let’s end this holiday (and marriage-related) hiatus with a story out of Chicago, wherein one police officer learned the hard way never to arrest a hungry perp:

Fernando Cooper, 31, of the 18100 block of South Kedzie Avenue in Hazel Crest, was charged at 8:15 p.m. Monday with attempting to disarm a peace officer and aggravated battery to a peace officer, both of which are felonies. He was also charged with three counts of misdemeanor resisting arrest and cited with a city violation for panhandling in a prohibited manner, according to police…

Near North District officers who were already in the area saw a disturbance and a struggle, during which the officer identified himself as police but Cooper allegedly continued to refuse “verbal commands,’’ and bit the officer, prompting responding officers to deploy a chemical spray at Cooper,  the report said.

The officer suffered swelling and cuts to eye along with a severe bite to the nipple.

An ambulance transported the officer to Northwestern Memorial Hospital where he was treated by a doctor who later said the victim lost a body part because of severe damage from the bite, according to the report.

Judging from the mugshot, Cooper didn’t escape unscathed either.

Police: Man charged with biting cop, grabbing holster | Chicago Sun Times.

At the tail end of our recent trip to India, we made the wise choice of choosing The Imperial for our last night in Delhi.  Though I’m little more than three years removed from my dirtbag days of $3-a-night rooms while backpacking around the world, thanks to my time at Forbes Traveler I’m now sort of an expert on luxury hotels. I don’t know every five-star joint in the world, but I can certainly recommend a few. (More importantly, I can steer you clear of a few stinkers.) The Imperial is among the best, particularly as a city hotel. But more about The Imperial next week.

Indians are very proud when their countrymen do good things overseas. They’re even more proud when those men and women return home to acknowledge their link to the homeland. What a shame, then, that India’s favorite son in Hollywood, Manoj Night Shyamalan, misspells his own people’s capital city. From page 10 of The Imperial’s in-room brochure:

To be fair, they can’t seem to spell his middle name correctly, either.

Though I hate bloggers who apologize for not posting to their sites more frequently (honestly, who cares?), I will indulge myself this one time.

I’ve been absent from True/Slant for good reason. I’m proud to announce my marriage to my girlfriend of three+ years, Neena. We were married last week in Chandigarh, India, a large, flat city several hours north of Delhi. We’re currently honeymooning in Goa.

I’ll be writing about our time here for the New York Times. (Sneak peek: The Leela Kempinski Goa rocks.) I don’t have a rundate for that story, but I will naturally include a link when it’s published.

I will resume posting on Monday, December 14 December 28. Until then, please direct all calls to the receptionist.