Brett Favre returns: The Gchat reaction
Image by avinashkunnath via Flickr
What’s that you say? Brett Favre is coming back after all? There was a time this would have merited an actual post with thoughtfulness and stuff, but now, after all the back and forth, I’m just kind of over it, so instead I’m slapping up the text of my IM discussion with Mary Beth Quirk, fellow Milwaukeean, gossip magazine employee, Gingervision.com proprietress and inveterate Favre apologist. Enjoy.
[1:31 PM]
Mary: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WTFWTF BRETTF AVEREUTSKJHGJKSDFGH
me: so excited
Mary: aaaaaaarghghghg
me: oh come on, those two games are going to be the most exciting thing ever
Mary: i want to die
how can he do this to me
he’s breaking my heart
i handled loving him on the Jets
i cannot love him on the vikings
i can’t
me: you must
Mary: can’t
can’t
can’t
can’t
me: oct. 5
mark it down
i’m already so excited i might throw up
Mary: i’m already emotionally destitute so this helps
[2:16 PM]
me: he’s there
he is on the ground in minnesota
Mary: i KNOW
he was in a plane
so i figured that plane would land
eventually
me: i’m going to start carrying a knife so I can stab the first person I see wearing a purple No. 4 jersey
Mary: that’s a really good idea
oh jesus
my friend is getting married 0ct 17 in milwaukee, her fiance is from minnesota
which means there could be blood
me: you might want to check to make sure the wedding’s still on before you buy your plane tix
Mary: hahaha
so angry
can’t
think
me: the trick is to stop loving him
then it all becomes comic theater
Mary: i can’t
me: “I don’t have a reaction,” said quarterback Aaron Rodgers. “It doesn’t pertain to me. It has absolutely nothing to do with me. It doesn’t change anything. It has nothing to do with the Green Bay Packers.”
Mary: except everything
me: Rodgers then placed both index fingers in his ears and continued, “Lalalalalalalalala.”
Reggie White was unavailable for comment owing to rapid underground rotation.
Mary: whaaaaaahahaa
[2:40 PM]
Mary: ha my friend is going to start marketing Purple Judas t-shirts
me: BRILLIANT
BRILLIANT
btw i’m totally posting this chat on my blog so be sure to be extra witty, k?
ok…go!
Mary: i can’t believe you would exploit me in my time of extreme favre-induced anguish
me: and yet you kind of like the idea
Mary: only because i know how real my pain is and maybe in making it public, i can help others heal too
me: also bc you know I will buy you beer
Mary: http://gingervision.com
woops
no amount of beer will make me forget what he’s doing to me
me: did you just throw in a damn gingervision.com plug?
Mary: aaron rodgers better be flawless
FLAWLESS
oh that was an accident, of course!
i mean i DID put up a favre post
you can just take that out then, no need to muddy the waters
me: we’ll see
Mary: so are you saying you don’t love him anymore?
me: i bet donald driver is collecting his tears in a tiny crystal jar
and he’s going to drink them before the monday night game
and it’s going to make him play awesome
Mary: i hope he then throws up the tears and mails that to favre
me: it’s not that I don’t love him anymore, exactly
but for the time being, he is a figure of fun and derision
Mary: i hate deriding him
i spent so long holding him up
and now everyone i used to brag about favre to is making fun of me
my boss, other coworkers
facebook is laughing at me
TMZ is laughing at me
me: he has put you in a pretty pickle, no question about it
Mary: it just hurts.
me: I also love what Nick Barnett said:
“After all those years of not being able to hit him, do I want to hit him? Of course I want to hit him,” said Nick Barnett. “He’s an awesome guy. I wish him the best.”
I kind of feel that way about all my friends. “I love you. I want to tackle you and maybe give you a little concussion.”
Mary: i can’t wait for nick to tackle the SHIT OUT OF HIM
and then hand deliver my tear soaked letter
me: “Children’s Letters to Favre”
that would be a best-selling Christmas book in Wisconsin
or would’ve been
Mary: it really would
now they’d be all depressing and filled with threats
“Dear Brett Favre, No I will NOT share my fruit snacks with you.”
“Dear Brett Favre, I want the 17 years of my life loving you back.”
DEAR BRETT FAVRE I HATE YOU BUT OH GOD I COULD NEVER HATE YOU WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO MEEEEEEE
me: 17 years? that’s an old child
Mary: you’re an old child
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Jeff,
I’m done with Favre and his saga. And that’s sad cause I really rooted for him in his last “real” season. I refused to read any post about this current episode until I heard you covered it all in clever way. And you did! Thx for the insight. A very good read.
An Open Letter to Packer Fans Everywhere:
Let me be the first to rub salt in the knife wound of your collected hearts (or maybe backs).
This is your fault.
You loved him unconditionally. You cheered him regardless of how poorly he played, regular season and playoffs. He threw interception after interception and you just kept on chanting his name and buying his jerseys, and telling yourselves he was worth it.
You built the monster; you should have known it’d turn on you. Seriously, how did you think it would end? You spoiled him rotten his whole life, and now suddenly you expect maturity?
You’re not the victims here, Packer fans. The real victims are people like me. I’ve never liked him. I’ve always thought he was overrated, and now, for the fourth year in a row, I have to listen to a hundred stories about will he or won’t he, and – ironically or stupidly, you pick – a hundred stories about how the press is tired of covering Favre. And of course, I get to watch Favre act like a character on my super sweet 16.
You deserve much worse, Packer morons, but I hope Rogers throws for six touchdowns on October 5th. And I hope AJ Hawk breaks Favre’s collarbone on a vicious late hit from the blindside.
I remain, as always,
Mr. Fantastic
Mr. Fantastic, pray don’t lump all us Packer fans together. I’ve been a Favre skeptic for years. Skeptic, not hater. I thought he needed a hardass coach to curb his seriously bad tendencies, and without such a coach (ie. during most of the Mike Sherman era), he was frequently painful to watch. I’ve always been surprised that there weren’t more like me, that I actually had to argue with people that maybe it’s a bad thing when a quarterback throws four interceptions in a game, and that maybe such a quarterback should get pulled now and then for his own good as well as the team’s.
Anyway, I appreciate your kind wishes re: Oct. 5. I don’t want to see the man get hurt, but it would be gratifying to watch him get blown up, and to watch him suck, hard, for someone else for a change (not that we didn’t get to relish some of that last year).
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