WORLD GOVERNMENT? WHY STOP THERE?

Yesterday Rep. Michele Bachman, the insane yet oddly alluring Republican congresswoman from Minnesota (is it the gleam of insanity that makes her eyes shine so bright?), offered a commentary on the G-20 nations. During an interview, when a conservative radio host asked Bachmann for her thoughts on the G-20 summit in Toronto, the congresswoman said that she is concerned that the G-20 is trying to “bind together the world’s economies.” Elaborating, Bachmann said “I don’t want the United States to be in a global economy where our economic future is bound to that of Zimbabwe. We can’t necessarily trust the decisions that are being made financially in other countries. I don’t like the decisions that are being made in our own country, but certainly I don’t want to trust the value of my currency and my future to that of like a Chavez down in Venezuela. . . .Clearly this is a very bad direction because when you join the economic policy of different nations, it is one short step to joining political unity and then you would have literally, a one world government. That’s not going to be, I think, helpful in the future for our country and I don’t want to cede United States authority to a transnational organization.”

Geez, what could we do to make Bachmann feel more comfortable with the G-20? First, someone could tell her that if she would bother to Google “G20” she would learn that neither Zimbabwe nor Venezuela nor any other bogeyman country is a member. Second, someone might remind her that the US owes its very existence to a globalized economy that inspired Europeans to cross the Atlantic and establish colonies and engage in lucrative global trade raw materials, finished products, slaves, and all sorts of other things, and that much of our prosperity yea, up until this very moment, is due to global exchange. And third, perhaps she will relax if someone would remind her that from what we have seen of the future, Captain James Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise represent not the United States, nor even Earth, but the United Federation of Planets. What this tells me is that not only is this global government idea a done deal, but it’s only a stepping stone to the time, just a few centuries hence, we’re going to be involved in interplanetary government. Sharing decision-making with Zimbabwe will be child’s play compared to working with Vulcans and Klingons, but as the evidence shows us, it can be done.

So chill, Congresswoman. Go half-acquire a little more knowledge to help boost your absurdity levels.