A Salute To Stuff White People Like

I would like to salute this very popular and funny website and all the funny stuff that’s on it that’s, well, funny. Basically, Stuff White People Like is the Erma Bombeck of the  hipster sect. The site is the modern day equivalent of that cartoon your mom would clip out and hang on the refrigerator with a magnet; if you’re not laughing, you’re smiling! 

So I added a few more entries of Stuff White People LIke. 

#122 The Ku Klux Klan

March 02, 2009 by True/Slant 

 White people like joining groups. There are an ample amount of groups that white people like to join to spread their whiteness such as bowling leagues, quilting circles, and Ku Klux Klan. White people feel comfort in joining a group that shares the same beliefs and is after the same common goals. These Ku Klux Klan rallies often times have hooded robes, burning crosses, and quotes from the Bible. The hooded robe provides white people with a hidden shield to guard them from being recognized by their neighbors and coworkers. 

#121 Getting Drunk and Falling Off a Mardi Gras Float

March 01, 2009 by True/Slant

 For the most part, white people take great comfort in riding Mardi Gras floats. All white people like riding Mardi Gras floats. In fact, if you find a white person who does not like riding a Mardi Gras float then they probably just haven’t rode one before or they are the wrong kind of white person. In either case, they are probably not someone that you want to know. Getting drunk on a Mardi Gras float makes white people feel comfortable. It reminds them that they are riding a Mardi Gras float and are drunk while doing so. White people especially love getting drunk on a Mardi Gras float and falling off. If you meet a white person and they say they don’t like getting drunk and falling off a Mardi Gras float, they are secretly lying. Deep down inside, all white people like getting drunk and falling off of Mardi Gras floats.

#121 Hunting Other Men For Sport

February 10, 2009 by True/Slant

 Regardless of how much a white person hunts or how long they have used a rifle,  they always have the secret desire to hunt their fellow man for sport. In fact, hunting fellow humans for sport is usually the one activity white people will do if they  are given some free time. This is because one’s fellow man is the most deadliest animal of them all.  White people like challenges (see post #112 on cannibalism). Thankfully, there is an enormous opportunity for personal empowerment when a white person tells their fellow man, “Go!” and has them take off running with a two-minute head start. The conversation will usually go something like this: 

“You better take off running!”

“Please! You don’t have to do this!”

“If you don’t take off running, I’ll shoot you right here!”

“Please! Please! I’m begging you!” 

“Go!” 

In any case, if a white person talks to you about hunting a fellow man for sport, throw them a high-five, because chances are they might want to hunt you next. 

Harmon Leon is Freedom Haters.org