The Yankees: A Meat’normous debacle
Coming off a 1-for-3 disaster against the lowly Washington Nationals, the Yankees look like an absolutely awful team. So for today’s weekly Bronx News Network Yankee column, it just felt right to hand out….
Mediocrity Awards
Watching the Yankees everyday is a lot like eating Burger King’s infamous meat’normous breakfast sandwich (pictured on right). Sure, before you dive in, what sits before you is a beautiful and wonderful monument to the wonders of joyful gluttony. But by the fourth inning, as the offense stalls and the starting pitching tires, you begin to fatigue. That sandwich, once alluring, with its three full slices of crispy bacon, two slices of smokey ham, sluggers, ace pitchers, and a sizzling sausage patty between two omelet eggs, two slices of American cheese and a toasted specialty bun, has begun to feel gross and look gratuitous.
Despite their copious “talent”, the Yankees have gone on yet another mediocrity binge. As the Yankee blog WasWatching.com pointed out yesterday, the Yankees have gone 13-12 in their last 25 games, including losing two of three to the historically awful Washington Nationals.
At a time like this, we can sit and stare at the Yankees incredibly disappointing team stats for the last month. We can talk about their unreliable starting pitching and their base-running errors. We can even talk about Joe Girardi’s in-game decision making. But what I find best soothes my soul when there’s little good to say about the Yankees, is to hand out fake awards. So, without further adieu….The Awards
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They have to get Joba out of the bar, and into an AA meeting. They have to keep A-rod out of night clubs, and in therapy. They need to keep Hughs in the pen and out of the starting rotation. They need to keep runners off of first and third, because they always hit into a double play, especially when they are playing against a bad team with a rookie pitcher. If Girardi wants any more advice from me, he will have to pay for it.
Interesting that you mention “AA” and “therapy.” Baseball has a long history of club-ordered therapy (and some great therapy-related baseball scenes i.e. “Major League II” and “The Scout”). However, most baseball players insist that it’s not what they need when the club says they do.
In response to another comment. See in context »