A Red Sox Fan Says Goodbye to George Steinbrenner

I hate the Yankees like poison. Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada, Alex Rodriguez, Jeff Nelson, Paul O’Neill, Andy Pettitte  — they make me sick. But the man who paid for them, the guy whose image they were created in, the one who demanded their excellence – George Steinbrenner – he always puts a smile on my face. Because you can hate the Yankees, but deep down you gotta love The Boss.

If you were making a movie tomorrow and had to cast a villainous sports owner, you’d call your producer and say “Get me a Steinbrenner!” I mean, the guy could be a real bastard. In 2002 he got angry about the new collective bargaining agreement that would eat into his 1+ Billion dollar empire, so he fired a slew of elevator operators. That didn’t provide enough savings, so he canceled the dental benefits for all the secretaries in Yankee Stadium. The dental benefits! After being mocked by the media for a few weeks, George reinstated the coverage, but you could tell he was still pissed about it. And at every turn, every moment, he would stick it to my beloved Red Sox. He’d steal our players, he’d block our acquisitions, he’d make us look stupid – and you know what I say? Who cares.

What’s Othello without Iago scheming around his every move? A really boring play about a black soldier who falls in love with a white woman. “An Officer and a Gentleman” meets “Jungle Fever.” Yuch, no thanks. Or Sherlock Holmes without Moriarty? A guy solves cases in unlimited amounts of time and under no physical danger or pressure of any kind. Basically, Encyclopedia Brown in a funny hat. I’ll pass. Heck, what’s Garfield without Nermal and Mondays? Just a sarcastic cat who loves lasagna…which is basically what Garfield is with Nermal and Mondays, so scratch that one. Bad example. But what will the Yankee-Red Sox rivalry, or even all of baseball, be without George Steinbrenner? Honestly, a bit of a bore. His sons have taken over the Yankee reigns, but it’s clear already that they’re hopelessly sane. Hank Steinbrenner showed some early promise by calling Red Sox Nation “complete bullshit”, but then brother Hal stepped in and shut him up. Which is precisely no fun. You could never shut up George, even if you beat him, mocked him, or had him banned from the game. The Boss always found a way to bounce back, a way make a life a little bit more fun. He’s not bouncing back from this one though, and I’m shocked to say I’m gonna miss him.

Still hate ARod though. And don’t even get me started on Jeter…