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Jul. 2 2010 - 12:03 pm | 3,132 views | 0 recommendations | 12 comments

The difference between ‘True Blood’ and pornography?

You see this shot of actor Alexander Skarsgard?

They’d use it on his show True Blood, but frankly, he’s wearing too much clothing. True Blood likes to keep skimpy. Skimpy…like naked, if at all possible. And how can you blame them? If you got actors who look like Skarsgard, why not keep ‘em nude for as long as possible? I mean, he looks almost as good with his shirt off as I do. But here’s the thing, True Blood is a very popular program. Big with the dudes, big with the ladies, it’s a hit. Sometimes even it gets nominated for awards. But, let’s be honest, True Blood is humping with the occasional dash of dialogue thrown in.  You take “doing it” out of the show’s breakdown every week and you got a 20 minute program. Again, I’m not complaining necessarily. I like sex. I’ve heard sex is a very enjoyable thing. But the line between True Blood and pornography can sometimes get a little blurry, and I’m not sure that’s an indication of quality television.

For instance, in the season premiere the lovely Sookie Stackhouse, as played by Anna Paquin, wanted to have a conversation with Skarsgard’s vampire, so she showed at one his haunts (pun intended). She met him down in the basement where she found him totally naked having sex with a tied-up, wonderfully fit lady from the country of Estonia. They weren’t just having sex though, it was super fast vampire sex, and it was clear that the Pride of Estonia was in some discomfort. The subsequent conversation is shot with as much nudity and suggestiveness as possible, including a full frontal shot of the naked woman still tied up, writhing, with legs spread to camera. Woulda done Hustler proud. Again, I’m not trying to be puritanical about it, I’m just saying, these are not things that serious shows do. I don’t remember the scene on Breaking Bad where we walk in on Bryan Cranston aggressively throwing it in his despondent wife.

So is True Blood porn, or real television? Let’s make a list!

The Differences Between True Blood and Pornography:

1. Pornos usually stick to one kind of sex. In most True Blood episodes you’ll get a smattering of sex acts: some lesbianism, a threesome or two, and perhaps a little guy on guy action. Oh, and tons and tons of S&M. Pornographic videos, from what I’ve heard, will usually focus on only one of these. So that’s a difference, I guess.

2. Pornography tries to avoid cliche. The days of the guy delivering a pizza or a plumber coming in to check on the pipes are long over in the world of porn. Again, so I’ve heard. The adult industry now relies heavily on parody, making “Not The Brady’s XXX” and “Quantum Deep.” For example…

Pretty clever, for pornography. Meanwhile, the big revelation on True Blood this season is werewolves. Fighting vampires. Where have I seen that before? Oh right, everywhere.

3. The actors in pornos aren’t very attractive. Should you need evidence, see Cheers video above. As we mentioned earlier, most everyone in True Blood is very very attractive. So, as the saying goes, they got that going for them.

4. Pornography has some scenes without sex in them. Still waiting on one from True Blood. Maybe if Sookie went to the DMV? Or did her taxes?

5. Porn is blissfully free of tiresome social commentary about the oppressed. We get it, True Blood. The vampires are a metaphor for black people/gay people/immigrant people/people with difficult sleep schedules. Isn’t it awful how marginalized the “other” is in society, when really they’re a lot like us? It’s a great point, and if I was watching a Whoopi Goldberg movie made in 1985, I’d be all over it. But vampire kidnappings being unjustly ignored by the police? Yawn. Porn keeps it nice and simple.

6. Porn actors never spin their lovers’ necks around backwards and have creepy hate sex with them.

(NSFW)

Yikes.

But other than that, porn and True Blood are pretty much the same deal? What do you think? Is True Blood porn or real TV?



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  1. collapse expand

    I don’t see how you can all spinning someone’s head around and having hate sex with them “creepy.” I found it sweet and also educational because I always thought that if you tried that, the head would go BOING! and snap right back to the normal position. But instead it stays backwards and both parties have a good time. Who knew?

  2. collapse expand

    Do porn actors have more convincing accents? Because, really, that southern drawl was straight out of a Des Moines dinner theater production of A Streetcar Named Desire.

    Apologies to all Iowa-based dinner theater thespians.

  3. collapse expand

    I’m sorry, there was actually dialogue in that scene?

    And, Maureen, you listened to it?

    I was all caught up in the magical appearance of the vampire teeth.

  4. collapse expand

    Porn.

    But oddly, “Hung”, an HBO series about male prostitution, is not. Rather funny, to boot. Go figure.

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