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Jan. 12 2010 - 9:31 am | 2,365 views | 0 recommendations | 0 comments

Breaking News: Conan O’Brien to coach Oakland Raiders

conan-obrienLOS ANGELES (T/S) – “I wanted to work somewhere where I could get a little respect,” said former Tonight Show host Conan O’Brien. After a week of tumultuous meetings concerning O’Brien’s position at NBC, he shocked the TV world by announcing his intention to accept the head coaching job of the 5-11 Oakland Raiders. “Al Davis is crazy, but he’s not NBC crazy,” the comedian added.

The Oakland Raiders have had four head coaches in the last five seasons, and Mr. O’Brien admitted that the stability of the position offered great appeal. “I know that no matter what happens, I’ll get to do my job for at least a year. You can’t but that kind of security at NBC.”

aldavisAl Davis, the colorful owner of the Raiders has made a sport of firing his coaches and second-guessing their decisions to the media. “I’m really looking forward to working for Mr. Davis,” O’Brien gushed. “It’ll be a breath of fresh air to be openly undermined, instead of it happening behind my back like at NBC.”

It is not known whether O’Brien has any idea how to coach football, but Al Davis isn’t concerned. “Neither did Art Shell, and I hired him. Twice.” Unfortunately Mr. Davis was not able to comment further, as he ended the interview after getting into a heated argument with his sunglasses.

Mr. O’Brien’s departure would leave a hole in the late-night lineup that NBC had reportedly been discussing, which was to feature Jay Leno from 11:30pm to midnight, followed by Conan for an hour. Network insiders say the network now plans to have Mr. Leno take over until 12:30, after which they’ll show old “jaywalking” segments from 15 years ago. The audience is not expected to notice the difference.

lenoLeno could not be reached before press time, but his representatives said he was very happy for Mr. O’Brien. They would not address the rumor that Mr. Leno was attempting to contact the Raiders in an effort to take that job from Conan as well.


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    About Me

    Twitter: @b_donovan

    I am a writer, actor, and North Korean Dictator. Over the years though I've written for everything from Late Night with Jimmy Fallon to Fox News to Chapelle's Show, and can be seen frequently on Vh1 making snide remarks at the expense of others. Recently I was the Head Writer of "Fair Game", a news and comedy show from Public Radio International. My interests range from news to sports to entertainment, so this blog should read kinda like the evening news, except funnier and with less Brian Williams. Fuck Brian Williams.

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