We Are ‘Jersey Shore’

It’s hard to believe that a reality show could make a name for itself by being trashy and exploitative nowadays, as we’ve certainly had our fair share of both. But it turns out that bitchy housewives, struggling dwarfs, and sexually addicted non-celebrities can’t hold a candle to the Jersey Shore. The ratings for MTV’s newest “shove undesirable people into a house together and hope beyond hope that one of them dies” enterprise are improving, but their stake in the pop culture landscape is already established. Everybody knows “Jersey Shore”, it seems to grip us all. Self-professed Guidos and Guidettes who proudly tan, take steroids, and “slam it out” – that’s our kind of show. (Don’t worry, I have no idea what slamming it out is either, but I imagine it’s disgusting.) Jersey Shore is something we enjoy, a show we can all have a laugh at, all feel safely better than. Until of course we realize that there’s a little Jersey Shore in all of us.

"Hey baby, what's the SITUATION?"

Think about it…loud, garish, with ridiculously fake boobs. What’s more American than that? We are proud to a fault, expecting the world to adapt to us, obsessed with our appearance, and constantly getting in fights. Our Presidents alternate being giving inappropriate back rubs to uninterested women, going on ostentatious international speaking tours that are based on no actual accomplishments, and hooking up with trashy women under their desks. The first President Bush threw up on the Japanese Prime Minister for crying out loud. Toss in a hot tub and some sausage and peppers and you’ve got every episode of Jersey Shore. It’s a sad reality, but it’s a reality nonetheless.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you...Snooki.

As my case in point, I offer you the Snooki punch incident. Snooki, for you (snobs) who don’t watch, is a ridiculous human being. She means well, but her insecurities and desperate need to be liked often get the best of her. (Sound familiar?) Snooki drinks too much, and has a fondness for somersaults in short skirts and no underwear. In short, if you brought Snooki home to meet your parents, there’s a 50/50 chance the night would end in a murder suicide. But yet she loves her mother beyond all measure, and almost left the Shore house when it seemed like she wasn’t making friends. She’s a sensitive nightmare, that Snooki Polizzi. And one night, when the Jersey Shore crew was out for their usual binge-drinking, crotch-grinding weeknight extravaganza, this happened…

(I apologize for the awful music and editing, it was the best Youtube had to offer.)

Snooki you see, had been arguing with this gentleman about her friends’ drinks. He had been trying to steal them, and in her inimitable way, Snooki told him “to get (his) ugly face (his) own f’ing drinks.” So, like a crazy person, the man punched her in the face. It is ugly, horrifying, an unfortunately very real. Now, what does it have to do with the rest of us? Well, you see, America has been going through the exact same thing, over and over, for the last twenty years. We see something wrong in the world, something happening to our friends or those who need defending, and we step up. America intervenes, in an often classless and totally mis-considered manner, and pays a tremendous price. The people of Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait, we try to defend them, and ourselves, but we often do it with the cultural sensitivity of a “get your ugly face your own f’ing drinks.” Then we get socked viciously and unsympathetically in the face. We fall to the ground, rightly horrified and in pain, and wonder what could’ve gone so wrong? It’s a crude metaphor, I realize, to compare international diplomacy to trashy reality TV – but I believe it holds water. We are the Jersey Shore of the world, and occasionally that has some vicious repercussions. Just ask Snooki. I’m sure she’ll be happy to tell you all about it.

Don’t believe me? Well there’s a Jersey Shore marathon on this weekend, check it out for yourself. You’ll either be fascinated by the cultural implications, or you’ll get a big laugh out of The Situation selling t-shirts with his abs. But there’s one thing I promise Jersey Shore will deliver: is classic American good time.