Entourage: The Most Annoying Show on TV
You know that friend you have who does the same thing over and over? The one who pretends like the littlest things are new and interesting, even though it’s the same crap you’ve heard a thousand times? The one who you beg to just change something – ANYTHING – to keep your interest, but they resist it like their life depends on it? Well if you don’t have one of these friends – just turn on HBO’s Entourage. You’ll make five of ‘em in the time it takes you to say “Johnny Drama”. But here’s the aggravating part – the bang your head on the wall and beg the cable Gods for free Showtime bit of it all – they will become your friends. And then you’ll have to figure out what in the hell you’re going to do with them.
Drama, Vinny Chase, E, Turtle, and Ari Gold. I hate these motherfuckers. For six years I have watched them revolve in the same endless circle of Hollywood bullshit and supposed intrigue. If you’re not a fan – and who could blame you – Vinny Chase is the star. A leading man born on the streets of Brooklyn who tries to conquer showbiz with Eric (his manager/best friend), Turtle (his driver/best friend), and Johnny Drama (his brother/best friend), all in tow. Their kingpin is Ari Gold, a fast-talking, hug-it-outting agent/best friend, played by Jeremy Piven. Certainly you’ve heard of him, or see him replicate the role in other movies where he’s supposed to be playing a different person. I could say more about the characters, but really what’s the point? They look for women, have sex with women, get the role of a lifetime, lose the role of a lifetime, have sex with the role of a lifetime…then do it all again next week.
I keep watching Entourage, but I have no idea why, as every episode is exactly the same. Vince gets offered a movie part but isn’t sure if he should take it because the role is too big/too small/too serious/too difficult on his hair. (Vince should be thanking his lucky stars that he’s being offered anything at all, as it’s clear he’s not exactly Laurence Olivier in blue jeans – but that’s neither here nor there.) Eric, his manager, advises Vince earnestly but has his own misgivings about the script/his job/a girl/the director/the state of the military industrial complex. Drama and Turtle vow to do whatever it takes to help Vinny land the gig, but get easily side tracked when some hot women ask them for a ride/a threesome/a drug connection/an incisive summation of the state of the military industrial complex. Sprinkle with several agitated/hysterical/cliche to the level that even cliche finds them a little cliched phone calls with super-agent Ari Gold, and you’ve got seasons 1-6 of Entourage. Why do I watch this crap? I have absolutely no fucking idea.
But here’s the thing: I’m not the only one. Every Sunday night my Twitter feed is awash with hatred and disdain for the newest Entourage episode. (A recent favorite, from Conan writer Todd Levin: “Entourage has dispensed with “last week on…” clips at the top of the show. Now the characters provide recaps via strained conversations.”) It seems that countless Americans are just like me, watching Entourage in spite of our hatred for Entourage. Or is it perhaps because of our hatred that we watch? Tuning in every week to see the things that irk us, so that next week we might get irked even more? I don’t know. I just know that it’s got to stop. Entourage has become the friend from college who don’t realize you’re not in college anymore. The shit gets old. Ari’s never gonna leave his agency, Eric’s never gonna be a real manager, and Vince is never gonna be a respected actor. So how about we all just move on.
Why can’t I just move on….?