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Aug. 3 2009 - 3:05 pm | 259 views | 0 recommendations | 4 comments

Statistical Fact: Republicans Are Morons

babyThere’s nothing productive about name calling. It’s snarky and obnoxious, and does nothing to raise the general level of discourse or understanding. However in this case, it’s totally justified. Republicans are, on a whole, morons. And I’ve got the math to back it up. Poll results from Daily Kos

Do you believe that Barack Obama was born in the United States of America or not?

Yes 77%
No 11%
Not sure 12%

Ok, that means almost 1/4 of America is dubious of Obama’s citizenship. That’s a concern. How do they break down?

Yes   No   Not sure
Dem 93    4    3
Rep 42   28   30
Ind 83    8    9

Northeast 93    4    3
South 47   23   30
Midwest 90    6    4
West 87    7    6

Do you see that “Republican” line? 42% of Republicans believe the President was born in the US. The remaining 58%!!!! either aren’t sure or believe he’s foreign-born. FIFTY EIGHT PERCENT. Otherwise known as…the majority. A majority of Republicans aren’t certain that Barack Obama is a born citizen. Something we know categorically and beyond any reasonable doubt to be true. We’ve got Obama’s birth certificate, we’ve got a series of birth announcements, and we’ve got – well, logic and reason. To think the President has gone through  is completely absurd. 5% of Republicans, ok; 10%, a little frightening; 58%…someone call the doctor.

"I voted for Bush. Twice!"

"I voted for Bush. Twice!"

If you told me you had one left foot and one right one, then allowed me to look down and examine them, what would you think if I came back and said, “Nope – you’ve got two right feet, my friend.” You’d think I was a moron. Or, perhaps, insane. If you drove up in your new SUV and asked if I’d like to go for a ride, and I responded, “what SUV? You don’t have a car, you’re just sitting in a chair in the middle of the street”, what would you do? You’d laugh, assuming I was joking, then, when it was clear I wasn’t, you’d drive away. Fast. And you’d be right. Because I’d proven myself a little bit nutty. Well that’s what 58% of the Republican Party has just done. They’ve looked blatant, absurdly factual evidence in the face and said, “I don’t believe it.” That makes them morons. Not because it’s fun to call people you disagree with names, but because it’s the most fitting name for the occasion. Frankly, it’s pathetic to doubt Obama’s citizenship. It’s something you’d expect of someone living in a grocery cart chanting “JFK and the aliens stole my baby!”. That the majority of one our major parties believes it is embarrassing to me. I only wish I could say the same for them. Might be a lot to ask of someone who lives in a shopping cart.

ADDENDUM: This is the leader of the Birther movement, whom 58% of Republicans feel totally cool with. I for one wouldn’t trust this woman to take out my garbage.


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  1. collapse expand

    ” Republicans Are Morons”

    You needed a survey to tell you that? I could have told them for free!

  2. collapse expand

    But isn’t it rare to have mathematical proof?

  3. collapse expand

    Interesting perhaps, but obvious. These are the same people that deny climate change, think Bush won fair and square, and other such preposterous things.

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    About Me

    Twitter: @b_donovan

    I am a writer, actor, and North Korean Dictator. Over the years though I've written for everything from Late Night with Jimmy Fallon to Fox News to Chapelle's Show, and can be seen frequently on Vh1 making snide remarks at the expense of others. Recently I was the Head Writer of "Fair Game", a news and comedy show from Public Radio International. My interests range from news to sports to entertainment, so this blog should read kinda like the evening news, except funnier and with less Brian Williams. Fuck Brian Williams.

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