Norm Coleman Refusing To Concede In Iran

ST PAUL, Minn (T/S) — Fresh off a court ruling that he must pay Al Franken over $100,000 for legal fees resulting from a protracted battle over a Minnesota Senate seat, Republican Norm Coleman announced today that he’s unwilling to concede the election for President of Iran.

“Look, there’s been a lot of irregularities in the voting there, and until I see a reliable set of facts and figures I consider my candidacy very much alive,” the recent Senator said today.

When Coleman was reminded that he was never on the ballot in Iran and therefor had a 0% chance of winning, he shrugged and muttered, “never stopped me before.” Coleman then repeatedly scratched his chin with his middle finger.

The country of Iran has been torn up by protests this weekend after President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad dubiously declared victory over reform candidate Mirhossein Mousavi. Despite Mr. Coleman’s best efforts to insert “yeah, me too also” each time someone describes the situation in Iran, he has yet to be identified as a legitimate candidate for the office.

A passionate Coleman supporter in Iran who according to the Senator accidentally put on the wrong hat.

“If you’re watching any of the coverage, you’ve see thousands of passionate Iranians take to the streets and demand I be given my rightful office as President of the country.” After Mr. Coleman was informed that the protesters were actually there in support of Mousavi, Coleman said he’d “never even heard of that guy.” He also pointed out a number of demonstrators that were wearing green scarves, which according to him, everyone knows is his favorite color.

Though it currently looks unlikely that Ahmadinejad’s victory will be overturned, Norm Coleman has promised to fight his case in every court in the land. His staff noted that they already have plenty of court dates set for as-of-yet undetermined objections to Al Franken’s declared victory in Minnesota, so perhaps they could do a “2-for-1 package dealie”.

Should Norm Coleman fail in his pursuit of re-election to Senate and the Presidency of Iran, Coleman said he would “either spend time with his family, write a book, or re-ignite (his) fight to be named winner of American Idol Season 3.” “Fantasia,” Coleman insists, “totally stole that shit too.”