Why Are We Commitment-Phobic Americans?

Let’s admit it. We are afraid to commit. Call us the “Runaway Brides” of the world.

It’s a cultural phenomenon. We make plans and we break them. It’s one of my pet peeves. If you tell someone you’re going to do something, you should do it. But most people just don’t think (or act) so.

Case in point. I was planning on doing Chicago’s famous sunrise “Bike the Drive,” where you bike, starting at 5:30 a.m., as many miles as you can handle up and down Lake Shore Drive until 10 a.m.  It’s the one time a year that the street is closed to traffic. You get fantastic views of the Chicago’s skyline and it is an amazing experience. Last year,  I biked 50 or so miles with two guys and I wanted to do it again this year.

I was in the middle of organizing a group of friends, when I was offered what may be the chance of a lifetime: a press pass and grand stand ticket to this year’s Indianapolis 500. Along with it, a chance to drive a Chevy Volt on the race track and ride in the pace car with Good Morning America’s Robin Roberts. But I had already committed to my friends. So I took a poll. I said I wouldn’t go unless they all agreed it was okay. (They all nicely said go to the Indy 500. A few said it was a no-brainer, but that wasn’t the point. The point was I had already committed to them, first.)

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

A high school friend of mine who moved back to South Korea told me during her recent visit to Chicago, that learning how un-committed Americans are to anything is one of the hardest lessons to learn as an immigrant. She cited a South Korean friend of hers who struggled to adjust when she first moved here.

“She’d make plans with someone or a group of people and Friday or Saturday night would come around and no one would actually show,” my friend told me.  “She spent the first few weeks crying because she’d think when people would promise her to do something with her, they’d actually meant it and would show up. In South Korea if someone tells you they are going to do something they do it, not like here.”

It’s not like I’m perfect. I’m certainly guilty of such offenses, and have even been called the “Runaway Bride” after turning down a marriage proposal from a former long-term boyfriend. But I knew in my heart that had I gotten married, it would have ended in divorce. So the alternative was much better, in the long run.

I think as a whole, most Americans are way too fickle. Call it politics, call it being two-faced. Most of us realized long ago, that honesty and commitment are hard qualities to find in many people, situations. (Hence the reason there are so many lawyers and contracts for everything.) Sometimes it’s just really difficult and uncomfortable to stand by a commitment or to be honest.

Oil Beach Your Dudeness photostream

When you don’t know what you stand for, you’ll stand (or fall) for anything. Which is why all the “drill baby, drill” people are the same ones who are now crying that our shrimp and crab prizes are skyrocketing and the beaches are going to be ruined with the  “spill baby, spill.” Or the people who ranted and raved about “Obama care” health insurance,  are the same ones who quickly ask for a Social Security or Medicare government handout as soon as they are eligible.

No one says commitment (or honesty) is easy, but in the long run it usually is better. Even if you don’t like what you hear at first. If you’re not committed to the things that are important, you and everyone else around you eventually pays the price — and no one likes to be left at the altar.