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Dec. 15 2009 - 8:09 am | 147 views | 0 recommendations | 10 comments

Leave the Jingle Jugs at Home. Top Ten Stupid Christmas Gifts

We’ve all received (and given) holiday gifts that stink. As they say, beauty is the eye of the beholder. Here are the  Top Ten Dumbest (or Most Stupid) Christmas Gifts that money can buy.  (Of course, depending on your sense of humor your reaction can vary.)

battery hand 2

1. If you are too lazy too pass the glass from one end of the table to the other, you could buy the “Battery Operated Butler.” This creepy-looking hand (much like “The Thing” from Adams Family) can be rolled while holding a glass from one end of the table to the other for the recently reduced price of $11.95. (Why would you EVER want such a thing?)



egg2. Because everyone NEEDS a square egg press??? Brought to you by Chef Gadget, this tool will “make your garnish more interesting” by turning an oval egg into a squarish-looking block for only $4.95. 





ice cream cone3. Or there’s the motorized ice cream cone so the next time you purchase an ice cream, you can pull out this device from your backpack or handbag, stick your ice cream cone into it. Why? So it can start spinning to allegedly stop the dripping of melting ice cream.  The price for this pleasure: $9.95.




Noggin' Net4.  The Noggin’ Net. Want a prank? Check out prankpack.com where $8 plus $5 flat rate shipping will get you this ridiculous hat that is also a fishing net. Ewww. Can you imagine if someone actually putting a dying fish on your head. I can smell it now. Other fun gifts from this site include a Beer Beard that will hide your beer among flowing black locks of hair.


choketheannoyingchicken-pic15. Choke the Annoying Chicken. That’s right, this gift, courtesy of stupid.com is made to be soooo annoying that you will literally want to choke it. Hmmm. Can anyone say anger management? (In case you were wondering, the chicken plays the highly irritating ”Chicken Dance” song.) This can all be yours for $19.99.



wrinkydinkspetgifts_2083_137094016. Dog Poo Ornament aka “Yule Doo.” Yep, that’s right, you could hang a plastic replica of dog sh** on the Christmas tree.  Straight from the seller’s website: “This ornament looks like real dog poop, all decorated up for the Holiday season.”  (Why, why, do people create, and then buy such things? This is just gross.)

7. Another bad choice: the Electronic Yodeling Pickle. It is a favorite from several years ago and I had forgotten about it until recently. I could see how some amusement could come from this, if  (the big qualifer) you are German and like to dress up as the St. Pauli Girl and sing “The Hills are Alive” at the top of your lungs while re-enacting The Sound of Music with a pickle by your side. If not, this might not be a good choice. The plastic pickle will have you covering your ears as you reach for the mute button. (Maybe this is what they should install in prisons cells for bad behavior?)

See here:


salad8. Salad Flavored Dental Floss. Hmm. I’m sensing a theme here. (Note to self, avoid the “edible” gifts, especially if they are green.) You can buy this on Amazon for the hot price of $3.99.





fartslippers-29. How about Farting Slippers? You can buy these on Stupid.com which brags ““Disgusting” has hit a whole new low (the bottom of your feet) with Fart Slippers.”





10.  Jingle Jugs. A friend of mine was gifted a pair this past weekend at a grab bag. You can imagine her surprise when she unwrapped this package.  With a press of a button, the dancing boobs start shaking to the lovely song of “Titties & Beer.” Luckily she convinced a guy who was gifted a pair of stuffed Target dogs to swap.



10 Total Comments
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  1. collapse expand

    Is there a male version of jingling appendages for number 10? Whyever not?

  2. collapse expand

    This just in from my mom: If anyone brings any of these items into my house, they will NOT get any ravioli. Yikes!

    (Since I’m part Italian, we eat homemade spinach and sausage ravioli in our house for Christmas, along with the more traditional stuffed turkey.)

  3. collapse expand

    A yodeling pickle!? What’s the point? Imagine pitching some of these products!

  4. collapse expand

    I will refrain the temptation to comment on…”The Yodeling pickle”, in fear that I may incriminate myself.

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    I'm a Chicago-based journalist. I'm known for my quirky, off-beat features, but I've covered everything from the NFL to eating crickets in Cambodia to Chicago's best websites to celebrity profiles of the likes of Maya Angelou and Magic Johnson. My work has appeared in 25+outlets including: Travel + Leisure, Chicago Tribune, Chicago magazine, American Way magazine, CNN.com, MSN.com, Restaurants & Institutions and Boys' Life. I'm the immediate past president of the Chicago Headline Club, the largest Society of Professional Journalists chapter in the country and a former St. Petersburg Times and Dallas Morning News staff writer. My co-authored book, Armchair Reader: Chicago, about quirky, off-beat things in the Windy City, was just released this month. Twitter @dawnreiss Email me dreiss100 AT gmail DOT com (In case you were wondering, my name is pronounced R-I-C-E (Think Weiss with an R, not Reese.))

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