10 jokes about Joe Lieberman & his threat to filibuster any health care bill which includes a public option
1. Joe Lieberman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender turns to him and says, “Sorry, we don’t serve bitter old egomaniacs here. And fuck your stupid parrot.”
2. Joe Lieberman walks into a second bar. The second bartender says, “Get out.” Joe Lieberman says, “Why? Can’t I buy a drink?” The second bartender says, “Don’t you get it? Everybody hates you.”
3. Knock, knock!
Get off my doorstep, you asshole.
4. Joe Lieberman is on a lifeboat with a young woman who was denied insurance coverage because she was raped, a middle-class guy who can’t afford his premiums, and a sickly child. He stabs them all in the back.
5. Joe Lieberman is fellating the health insurance industry when a little boy opens the door and screams, “What are you doing, Senator Lieberman?!?” Lieberman wipes his mouth and says, “Isn’t it obvious, Timmy?”
6. What do you get when you cross Joe Lieberman with a frog? A fascinating, frog-voiced lump of wrinkles whose blood runs cold with reptilian contempt for those in need. And a frog.
7. Why did Joe Lieberman set his hair on fire and run down the street naked, screaming “Look at me, look at me, everybody look at me”? Because he has a compulsive need for attention.
8. What’s the difference between John McCain and Joe Lieberman? Oh God, WHO CARES? Seriously, enough with those two. What have they been right about in the past 8 years? Iraq? The economy? Please. Anybody who takes anything those two say seriously should check themselves in to one of those emergency-stop-smoking-crack clinics with Dr. Drew.
9. How do you know when Joe Lieberman is lying? His lips are movi– wait, wait. WHO CARES? Why do I let this guy get under my skin? He’s not gonna actually filibuster the Senate bill. He’s just upset that nobody paid attention to him for a few weeks, so he’s lashing out. It’s all based on a deep-seated anxiety about salvaging his hopelessly battered reputation– by clawing his way back into the Sunday-show spotlight, or something. Seriously, I can’t even get inside this guy’s head to figure out his motivation, because after 10 seconds of trying to see the world the way Joe Lieberman sees it, I start to feel clammy and bugs start crawling out of my fingertips and when I look in the mirror, my face looks like a melted candle.
10. Why did Joe Lieberman cross the road? I can only assume it’s because he sucks.