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Nov. 2 2009 - 2:31 pm | 1,606 views | 9 recommendations | 24 comments

10 jokes about Joe Lieberman & his threat to filibuster any health care bill which includes a public option

1. Joe Lieberman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender turns to him and says, “Sorry, we don’t serve bitter old egomaniacs here. And fuck your stupid parrot.”

2. Joe Lieberman walks into a second bar. The second bartender says, “Get out.” Joe Lieberman says, “Why? Can’t I buy a drink?” The second bartender says, “Don’t you get it? Everybody hates you.”

3. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Joe who?
Joe Lieberman.
Get off my doorstep, you asshole.

4. Joe Lieberman is on a lifeboat with a young woman who was denied insurance coverage because she was raped, a middle-class guy who can’t afford his premiums, and a sickly child. He stabs them all in the back.

5. Joe Lieberman is fellating the health insurance industry when a little boy opens the door and screams, “What are you doing, Senator Lieberman?!?” Lieberman wipes his mouth and says, “Isn’t it obvious, Timmy?”

6. What do you get when you cross Joe Lieberman with a frog? A fascinating, frog-voiced lump of wrinkles whose blood runs cold with reptilian contempt for those in need. And a frog.

7. Why did Joe Lieberman set his hair on fire and run down the street naked, screaming “Look at me, look at me, everybody look at me”? Because he has a compulsive need for attention.

8. What’s the difference between John McCain and Joe Lieberman? Oh God, WHO CARES? Seriously, enough with those two. What have they been right about in the past 8 years? Iraq? The economy? Please. Anybody who takes anything those two say seriously should check themselves in to one of those emergency-stop-smoking-crack clinics with Dr. Drew.

9. How do you know when Joe Lieberman is lying? His lips are movi– wait, wait. WHO CARES? Why do I let this guy get under my skin? He’s not gonna actually filibuster the Senate bill. He’s just upset that nobody paid attention to him for a few weeks, so he’s lashing out. It’s all based on a deep-seated anxiety about salvaging his hopelessly battered reputation– by clawing his way back into the Sunday-show spotlight, or something. Seriously, I can’t even get inside this guy’s head to figure out his motivation, because after 10 seconds of trying to see the world the way Joe Lieberman sees it, I start to feel clammy and bugs start crawling out of my fingertips and when I look in the mirror, my face looks like a melted candle.

10. Why did Joe Lieberman cross the road? I can only assume it’s because he sucks.


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  1. collapse expand

    Joe Lieberman walks into the Democratic Party Bar and says, “Can I have this bar?” The bartender says, “Sure Mr. Lieberman! You can have anything you want!”

  2. collapse expand

    Buddha, Mohammad, Christ, and the Dalai Lama are on a desert island with Joe Lieberman. Whenever Joe opens his mouth to speak, they all take turns kicking him in the nuts.

  3. collapse expand

    I for one disassociate myself
    from any incivility.

    Since 1992, when Jerry Brown
    tried cleaning up government,
    a whole lot of hacks of come
    and gone prior to Mr. Lieberman.

    As governor, Mr. Brown simultaneously:

    balanced California’s budget
    increased education spending, K – College
    cut taxes
    reduced Univ. of Calif. tuition to nominal

  4. collapse expand

    Very funny. That Joe Lieberman crossing the road joke could have gotten ugly. I’m glad you restrained yourself.

  5. collapse expand

    i may have just peed my pants. i needed this. thanks so very much! (unfortunately, even though i didn’t vote for da liebs he DOES belong to me and the rest of the citizens of the fair state of connecticut- even though he doesn’t act like it)

  6. collapse expand

    Why did Joe Lieberman cross the road?
    Why not? He crossed everyone else, and double-crossed the Dems.

  7. collapse expand

    Hey, I’m appreciative, but it would be even better if these were funny. I think I fixed one:

    Joe Lieberman is fellating the health insurance industry when a little boy opens the door and screams, “What are you doing, Senator Lieberman?!?” Lieberman wipes his mouth and says, “Isn’t it obvious, Timmy? I SUCK!”

  8. collapse expand

    Wow. Talk about animosity. How dare Joe express concern over making another bloated government program. After all, social security and medicare are working so well right now and are completely sustainable…

    The misconception that a lot of you have about people who are not in favor of a public option is that they don’t want reform. Personally, I think that there NEEDS to be reform. It’s just a matter of what kind. Put insurance under federal regulation and allow the companies to compete across state lines, thereby driving down the costs? Absolutely. Mandate that insurers are prohibited from denying coverage based upon pre-existing conditions? Without question.

    The Democrats have gotten too ambitious with this reform. Instead of making some smaller bills which would receive far less scrutiny and opposition they wanted to push it all through in one shot. It’s going to come back and bite them because either they compromise too much for the far left to be happy or they placate the far left and likely screw up the whole system.

  9. collapse expand

    Joe Lieberman is fellating the health insurance industry when a little boy opens the door and screams, “What are you doing, Senator Lieberman?!?” Lieberman wipes his mouth and says, My wife Haddassa, the healthcare lobbyist made me do it

  10. collapse expand

    Next up on True/Slant: David Rees will show Why reasonable, ethical, and capable leaders avoid politics.

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    I'm a freelance wine consultant and budding fashion-industry insider. I used to make a cartoon called "Get Your War On." I'm looking for friends and business contacts ... My motto is "Make that money, drink that wine."

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