An American Mutant: A Three Part Series on the Man-Child (Part 3)
Part Three
Generational Drop Off, Neglect, and the Game Show Mentality
Poor children in the inner-city grow up under every conceivable disadvantage. They live in toxic environments without health insurance, go to disgraceful schools, suffer under an unemployment epidemic, and wrestle with the pernicious influences of crime, drugs, and street gangs on a daily basis. They are continually ignored, neglected, and betrayed by the political system and media, while the majority of the general population’s only passing thought of them is to demonize and belittle, while living as far away as financially possible. As if this was not enough to create a catastrophe of hopelessness, many of these politically invisible children grow up without a father figure in the home within a struggling family unit that is on the verge of collapse.
The man-child grows up in entirely opposite conditions: Middle-class neighborhoods, good schools, present parents, and accessible options for stable careers. Deindustrialization, which has absolutely paralyzed the inner city, has obstructed the path to financial security for the man-child and encouraged them to stagnate or regress. However, with any semblance or forethought and determination, there are opportunities for the man-child species.
They show no interest in learning of any kind—a visit to the lair reveals that any book, written in English or not, would be a foreign object—and would most likely not excel at any university. Trade schools and professional schools are both viable and doable. Yet, they are routinely ignored. The natural instinct for self-preservation and self-advancement shockingly seems to not exist within the man-child. Both substantial needs (self-reliance, residential independence, experiential diversity, female companionship) and superficial desires (being cool) evade the man-child.
The at-risk youth in the ghetto feels these needs and desires with mounting intensity and for lack of options in his poverty-stricken and crime-ridden neighborhood often turns to street gangs to fill them. The man-child lives in material comfort and rests warmly, sucking on his thumb, on the cushion provided by his parents. The basic needs are met, and his only desire is to be entertained. Entertainment comes easy in an entertainment culture, and therefore the man-child lives in a permanent period of recess.
The inner-city is in desperate need of structural interventions. The man-child requires a cultural intervention, and that intervention must be targeted at the permissive parents who either coddle or enable their mutated offspring. According to men-children I have met, their parents tolerate their total lack of ambition, drive, and planning. Since early childhood, their parents have accepted mediocrity, did not emphasize the need to take education seriously, and had little involvement in their lives. Disciplinary measures taken in response to delinquency were relaxed or inconsistent. There is little of no pressure to leave the house and find a career or calling.
Permissive parenting of this kind is disastrous in the current economic and cultural environment. Without an abundance of salaried blue-collar jobs, ambition and personal drive become crucial elements for progress. Ambition and personal drive, with many people, must be inculcated steadily in the home. If parents fail to do this, their children will fail to do anything.
Consumer culture operates according to a game show mentality in which instant gratification, lavish prizes for little work, and frivolous entertainment are elevated to virtuous status. The Rev. Gardner Taylor described it perfectly when he said that people now expect to “reach a destination without a journey, triumph without a test, and experience victory without a battle.”
The man-child lives by this credo and accepts wholesale the consumer ethos that identifies the purpose of life as the fulfillment of every fleeting desire. Any form of effort—paying attention to politics, self-education, or even approaching women in a bar—is a drag and just not worth it.
Although video games are played by a wide variety of people, many of whom are highly accomplished and successful, in the man-child world playing them is a sacrament. The sacramental reverence for the gaming experience exists because it is perfectly emblematic of the man-child belief system: press a button and something happens.
Many inner-city children would kill for the opportunities that the man-child throws in the trash heap. It is a uniquely American social paradox that under a system of immense inequality, some voluntarily reject what others pray for. Inequality will continue to worsen under these conditions, because without a domestic Marshal Plan, the poverty in urban areas will not diminish.
Meanwhile, more and more middle-class male children allow their families to experience generational drop off. The lifestyle their parents worked hard to build will not be replicated by their children. The generational drop off children naturally gravitate towards each other and create social support system for failure that saves themselves from embarrassment, shame, and peer incentives for change.
The man-child problem is also uniquely American, because it was created by a cooperative force of economic decline and cultural decay in the United States where the running and connecting theme is neglect. Corporations neglect their workers and move factories overseas. Political power neglects their citizens by failing to regulate those corporations, assist the struggling masses, and replicate excellence in public schools. Consumer culture neglects everything that does not complement the game show mentality, and parents neglect their children by failing to implement any standard of accountability.
All of this neglect comes together to create a demented and disturbing symbol of America in the 21st Century: The man-child.
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Sweeping statements…
I wonder,and do you know, if this is consistent across other ethnicities? Jewish men of faith have their bar mitzvah at 13 — marking a PUBLIC step towards manhood. Maybe Asian and Hispanic men have other, ethnic/cultural/religious rituals or milestones that also mark a clear, defined and culturally sanctioned and supported step away from childhood or adolescence?
We’re never supposed to talk about race or class, but you’re being oblique here. Is this exclusively or primarily a white, middle-class issue?
The larger culture within the United States right now is toxic for almost everyone! Unless you are extremely wealthy (protected) or have a ferocious and unquenchable work ethic (tough in this economy when even the worst jobs remain elusive), few(er) of us feel terribly motivated these days.
Caitlin,
Thank you again for your comment. I’ve enjoyed your participation in this series, and appreciate the interest.
The comparisons that you make to other cultures are interesting and worth exploring. I did say in the first part that the man-child seems to be most common among the white middle-class–not exclusively, but primarily. However, I’m sure it exists in other cultures too. Although, it does not seem to be at the same degree. For example, my Jewish friends cannot relate to this at all. That is anecdotal and probably not very satisfying, but it is, unfortunately, the best I can offer in respone to your very good question about bar mitzvahs and Jewish culture. It is something I will investigate deeper.
Your point about despair and depression is certainly accurate, but I don’t think it lets the man-child off the hook. People who are 18-25 should have intrinsic motivation for at least attempting to build a quality life. The man-child is not even trying.
In response to another comment. See in context »I dunno, Caitlin. I’m Jewish and know plenty of Jewish guys who fit the man-child description, my ex-husband included. While I do think there is a definite emphasis on education and a cultural bias toward achievement, I also think that money tends to undermine ambition, regardless of ethnicity. The trick is to be the parents who make their kids earn their keep, and instill in them enough personal pride to make it on their own. I learned early on that he who holds the purse strings calls the shots. So it was great incentive to earn my own money so I could be my own person. Unfortunately, most parents today can’t, or don’t want to, attach strings to the perks. I read somewhere that Bill Gates has only put aside enough money for his kids to make them comfortable, but not enough to retire when they reach the age of majority. He expects them to work for a living. If that’s true, he’s got the right idea.
In response to another comment. See in context »I think you wanted “stagnate” instead of stagnant. And I’m not sure what you’re on about with inner-city kid/man child stuff decifit.
I would only say you sell your term “man-child in the post 9/11 promised land” short by relegating the phenom to white guys with sore thumbs that live with their folks.
I too am a man-child. But I don’t have a gaming system, have experienced what it’s like to be homeless, and make my living as a man of letters. But i’ve never had a serious relationship and my lifestyle would probably fit nicely into your man-child profile. I do have some books though.
The great thing about America, and ironically the thing that scares the shit out of so many of my fellow citizens, is the fact that even when you try and break down the population into groups and sub-groups, i.e. man children, libertarians, teachers, you still wind up with an entirely unmanageable level of diversity.
It’s beautiful, despite whatever reaction it inspires among people like Dick Army and the not-gay Cheney daughter.
I think Caitlin is on to something. From a different perspective, I think much of the apathy stems from an underlying sense that something is definitely wrong. Role models are who exactly? What is the goal? Wealth? I think that what you are witnessing and concerned about is the inevitable outcome of a society that gave up its soul for a dollar.
I relate to a lot of this man-child description, although I present many exceptions. I have thrown away a lot of opportunities others would kill for in a cyclical fashion I’m still struggling to fully identify and break. I have a goal but reaching for it is indescribably difficult. My attention span degrades every day with the constant media and social distractions ( distractions like diverse social experiences and woman-courting you talked about), I work 40hours a week at a bullshit office job some poor person would probably kill for just so I can pay for community college classes I can hardly focus on, a car to get around, food to eat, and a place to live, and I have to keep physically active 5 days a week to maintain some mental health and remain at least physically appealing to the opposite sex. You have to do it all, be it all, and have it all to be even slightly successful today. I’m not saying we have it harder than any prior generation, but with the elimination of the labor career option, the academic and social expectations today are certainly much higher. “Embarrassment, shame, and peer incentives for change” are the ONLY things the man-child has experienced in most of his endeavors, hence his tendency to regress and withdraw from even making the effort to move forward.
I know some of these guys, genuine man-children, who are smoking weed allday, everyday waiting around for 2012 hoping the world will end, and im assuming, that their hopelessness and apathy will be vindicated.
I rest my case.
In response to another comment. See in context »A lot of what the OP discusses reminds me of the case for the problem of our age: narcissistic personality disorder. The man-child, as it were, might easily be classified as such.
Come up with a scale to measure man-childness and I’ll believe it.
Do you mind if I use some excerpts from your series of articles in my blog:
http://www.pavlosmelas.blogspot.com/
Caitlin Kelly asks “Is this exclusively or primarily a white, middle-class issue?”
I have to tell you, my family is a family of immigrants. We have mad the US of America our adopted home. At the same time, every single thing that you described about the man-child is present in our culture, and in fact, my brother is a standard-bearer for the man-child. The “man-child” has different iterations in some ways in our culture, yet, the same characteristics are present in its life. Here is a fully formed adult of middle-age still living at home with Dad.
What scares me more, is that this particular man-child is providing a very bad example to 14 year old nephew who is super intelligent. The older niece is going to Yale. The nephew is receiving all the wrong clues.
But, I have seen the man-child in action even where I work. Some, have jobs, but barely perform them, and have no long term goals. What are they interested in? Video games, social networking sites, and drinking booze. They are always come to work “dragging”, (not quite drunk, but not quite there either) every morning.
Yes, overall motivation is lacking in the US today, because you never know when you will be laid-off, BUT, slipping into man-child living is not the right path.
MPardonee,
Thank you for your comment. Your brother fits the model entirely. Feel free to quote me at your liberty. I appreciate it.
Your comments on the general apathy and depression that understandably circulates America capture my feelings on it regarding the man-child. There is still personal responsibility and choice, especially among the men-children who have access to great opportunities. This is why I make the comparison to the inner-city. Those in the inner-city live with hopelessness, economic depression, and communal breakdown. Their succumbing to pernicious influences is tragically predictable and understandable. The man-child does not live under these conditions, and even if their prospects have worsened in recent years with an unemployment epidemic and high cost of college tuition, the man-child does not even attempt to improve his life.
In response to another comment. See in context »David,
Thank you. My brother follows my reader feed (where your posts have been highlighted for all my followers), as well as my blog posts, and I was planning to “call him out” with my thoughts. It is just that your thoughts, and your background make your wording much more precise and evocative.
I suspect, he won’t like what you have to say. It might be too late for him, but I don’t want to lose my nephew.
As for those others around me…Seriously, getting the highest score on Video Game XYZ is your biggest goal in life?
In response to another comment. See in context »Are there Women-Children? I would be curious to learn their habits.
I have a disconnect with most of my friends and that disconnect begins with conversations about video games. I don’t get it, Why are we as well round and educated adults talking about Video games? Your article articulates exactly what I have felt and could not put into words. I and all my siblings were raised in public housing in New York, we now all live in various places around the country with our Parents relocated and living in Memphis in their own home. My Nephews and Nieces have none of the drive that we were instilled with and we wonder why? They have never known Public Housing or the want of anything. I think we simply see their lack of drive and comfort with their lives as ‘progress’. Your article clearly shows that it is not. This is one time where it not a good thing to move into the middle class. Just a side note, I have a few Women-Children in the family as well. I intend to pass this article on and hope that these young ones will see themselves and get motivated.
So what would your advice be to cure someone of their man-childness?