American Idol: the jig is up

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First off, a confession, I’m a long time viewer of “American Idol,” that silly show that has manufactured pop talent in an amusing, assembly-line format for the past eight years. And while critics from the very start of the show’s reign as television’s favorite guilty pleasure have routinely proclaimed that Idol’s brand of rock and roll lacks the necessary vital signs to declare it anything but dead, most concede that the “stars” Idol has graduated have gone on to sell a few records here and there.

If you look at the progression of those album sales over time, however, you see that while public demand is hot immediately after a winner emerges from the national television audience fire, their star power undergoes a massive cooling off on subsequent albums.

In fact, every single “artist” to have graduated from American Idol U. has seen record sales dip markedly in the releases following the first album out of the American idiot box. Of all the idols since 2002, only Kelly Clarkson has had a follow-up that has done better in terms of sales than one released before it.

Clay Aiken, Chris Daughtery, Rubben Studdard (whose last LP sold 1,000 copies!), Elliot Yamin, and, yes, even Carrie Underwood have all seen sales decline as they’ve left the safe pasture of the Idol stage.

That brings us to this year, which featured the most depressing and talentless of all the Idol casts before it. Never were more anti-climatic words spoken than when Ryan Seacrest touted, “Here there are, America, you’re top twelve” in 2010.

Now, we are being offered up a final battle between to fairly boring performers, who will, we are assured, have huge careers ahead of them. Don’t believe it. Yes, Crystal Bowersox is a natural musician who will always be able to fill a bar or medium size venue across the country. She’ll sell some records, and, with luck, write some songs of her own that don’t fall into the mind-numbing formula that her predecessors have embraced (a quick listen to David Cook’s new record should give you an idea of what I’m talking about). But, please, Lee DeWyze? What great things do we really expect from this middle-of-the-road, Simple Man paint salesman (once a paint salesman, always a paint salesmen).

Our own Matthew Greenberg says the fix is in, and that DeWyze is being positioned by the show’s producers as your next one-and-done sensation. Will he even manage a gold record on the first disc? Who knows? A much surer bet is that he’ll go on to thrill the nation exactly the way Blake Lewis, Taylor Hicks, Justin Guarini and Kris Allen have. Yes, awesomeness ahead!

Simon Cowell, the straight-talking judge that America hated to love, sat down with Oprah Winfrey last week and discussed why he was jumping ship from the program he helped forge into a franchise.

“After a while, you start to go on automatic pilot,” Cowell told the big O. “Too many times I was sitting there [at the judges table] bored. The audience deserves more than that … and I can’t hide when I’m bored.”

That pretty much sums up Idol for me this year. Too many times did I wander away from the TV to go trolling on YouTube to try and find the next big pop sensation. Maybe I should just watch Ellen instead.