And speaking of Tiger Woods’ penis…
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In the never-ending racial allegory known as the life and times of Tiger Woods, our latest tawdry bit of tabloid gossip is enough to make Richard Wright do a few turns in his grave. You see, one of Woods’ alleged mistresses is alleging that Woods’ wood is something to behold. That he’s packing a driver of exceptional size. A “Big Bertha” that is the envy of all the white guys on the course. Says new, alleged mistress, Woods is “very well endowed”, and “knows his way around the bedroom. On a scale of ten I would give him a 12.”
Wonderful. Not only does Woods destroy his competition on the golf course, he will now make his competitors feel insecure in the sack, to boot. How many more white women will now be flocking toward his gallery, to watch he who needs no Enzyte?
The downfall of Tiger Woods (however many more weeks it will last) is, for some of his rivals, the stuff of which schadenfreude is made. The comeuppance narrative has been an ever present part of his life since he started winning so much of the time, a subtext to his extraordinary talent. For the most part, that simply comes with the territory. Win enough, and people love you and love to hate you, too.
But Woods’ dominance of a game dominated for so long by white people has also always been a part of his story. And the fact that he had a tiger in his trousers is, likewise, linked to racial subtext. Witness the parade of white women to tell you what a cad he was. To shame him for a few bucks and the cover of a magazine. These upstanding young ladies who were defiled by the world’s number one, which is simultaneously their claim to fame and their shame. Or, was Woods, like Bigger Thomas before him, the one corrupted by his environment to commit these unspeakable acts? Yes? No? All of the above?
Yes, it is hard to feel too sorry for Woods and his crumpled Escalade, just as it is easy to think we know Woods’ wife, know her pain and the rest. The characters in this drama are both new to us and entirely cliche. Will Tiger’s lynching come from fed up sponsors? Will the gates to Augusta be blocked this Spring, with the likes of Fuzzy Zoeller ready to snatch back all those green jackets? And how many porn movies will take their cues from this drama?
Of course, there’s really no debate: Woods, our Native Son, is reaping what he has sown. But do we really need to know the particulars about the man’s sexual organs?
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by david knowles, EC. EC said: RT @trueslant And speaking of Tiger Woods’ penis… – David Knowles – Paradigms Lost – True/Slant http://bit.ly/4yWqNV [...]
Thanks David, that was a good read. Ain’t it awful, best golfer, highest earnings, and now the endowment-unveiling! The unspoken of real “penis envy”that sits at the seat of racism throughout history. It isn’t women who have penis envy, dear therapists, it’s white men.
IF only white men could figure out a way to grow a monster penis, we could finally stop wars, aggression and racism and get on with healing our planet.
We wouldn’t have to be USA USA Woof Woof!! killer tough, we could be all: “come here darlins, lets be friends…make love not war”.
White men could finally say : “come here, let me show you what I’ve got” and leave war mongering to die for good.
We’ve seen successful transplants in everything, hands, faces, skin – where are the penis transplants?
It’s the fault of the conservatives, they won’t fund the necessary SCIENCE to help themselves.
Hey fellas, over here….
You missed the obvious one:
“Is that a nine iron in your pocket or you just happy to see me”
the only thing is tha he got money and thats all this chicks are out for is that and to say tiger can lay it down in the bed is becaus he olny miss with white ladys thats why it like that now a black lady my just think differnt
it’s generally a good idea to put off the first drag on the crack pipe until after lunch.
In response to another comment. See in context »Obviously you’ve never smoked crack, take a hit before lunch and lunch will never happen!
In response to another comment. See in context »speaking of Tiger Wood’s penis:
Tiger Woods NAKED PHOTOS? Playgirl Mulls Nude Picture Purchase
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/12/07/tiger-woods-naked-photos_n_383159.html
[...] And speaking of Tiger Woods’ penis…DAVID KNOWLES [...]
David,
I think the timings right for a slew of new endorsements and sales pitches. How about combining a NIKE ad with a spot for Viagra and have something like “JUST DO IT, & DO IT, & DO IT” or maybe tweaking the NIKE swoosh to resemble a penis even more than it does! Titleist could add a comical twist to their marketing with something about “Don’t pull a Tiger – Keep your balls on the fairway”.
And think of all the possible Tiger phone apps – that erase your call log automatically every few hours, or misidentify callers with phony entries in your address book. Or “Fores & Whores” – a new wii game that includes golfing and lovemaking techniques!
And there are entirely new angles to selling Tiger brand clothing like golf shorts that accentuate your package, or slip on & off easily…
All in all, I’m sorry for the trouble that he’s brought on himself, but he’s famous and rich because he’s a good golfer, nothing else.
Thanks,
JP,
I tend to agree with you.