The terror that won’t go away
I probably shouldn’t have gotten mixed up in the “bra color” thing in the first place. Breast cancer is kind of like abortion: women should be the only ones debating it, since they’re the ones who actually experience it. It just pissed me off that it was being dumbed down to a frickin Facebook meme.
But when I got a response from my beloved high school classmate Debbie Jaquays, I was glad I had weighed in. Deb was one of my favorite people at Fairview High, always a little crazy, very funny and smart as all get-out. I was an alienated outcast and lost touch with her, along with everyone else from my class, once I escaped high school. But a class reunion reacquainted me with Deb, and when I read her post, I realized how much I’d missed over the years by not staying in touch with her.
Some background: I read Wasabi Mama’s post on the meme on Jan. 8. Her anger triggered mine, and I commented on her post that I agreed with her and further thought much of the breast cancer awareness stuff out there was demeaning and perverse. I got a bunch of feedback from my Facebook friends about both my remark and Wasabi Mama’s post. But when Deb Jaquays’ comment hit my account, I knew I had to share it with a wider audience. Here’s what she had to say:
“D.D.: You make a valid point. I confess, that I participated. I can only speak for myself, but for me personally it was a matter blowing off steam, or perhaps whistling in the dark. I had my first breast biopsy at 32. The next was at 38. Two more since then– or was it three? The results have been benign. The lumps were removed. And my mastectomies, so far, have been piecemeal. I get stereotactic biopsies these days. Less invasive. Less tissue lost.
But every year before my mammo I have to take a deep, deep breath and try to find my happy place–because I know how very serious this is– and I am terrified.
I, too, have lost a friend to breast cancer. I’ve lost count of the number of people that I’ve known that have struggled with it, fought the good fight, and still survive. God bless them!
There must be more legitimate ways of fighting breast cancer than posting one’s bra color on Facebook.
And yet, look at this. These silly color status updates have created a buzz. And from that buzz, there is now discussion and debate. And maybe, just maybe there will be renewed breast cancer awareness.
I’m an old dame, as you know. Most of my bras are dirty gray from too many wearings and too many washings. Over the course of my life, my breast have gone from too small to register on a topographic map to Ma Kettle in all her glory.
Their proudest accomplishment was to nourish my two children into their toddler years.
I resolve to get my yearly mammos– because I want to, as a grandmother, nourish my grandchildren and, God willing, my great-grandchildren with my affection, love, and (laugh if you will) wisdom. I want to live and enjoy my family as long as I can– with or without my breasts.
So I’ll get those yearly mammos. And blow off steam. And whistle in the dark. I’m not laughing at the reality of breast cancer. I hate it. And I will STARE THAT MOTHERFUCKER DOWN and thumb my nose at it, and curse it until I draw my last breath.
What color is it today? (Hmmm. . .) Black again. Black hides the battle scars better.
Deb”
OK, now I am done with the issue. Deb said it all.
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Where does Debbie explain that there is a lack of awareness of breast cancer which needs to be addressed?
LISA TAKEUCHI CULLEN (BLOGGER) WASABI MAMA,
DD COOK … but you did get involved. Maybe you have changed. If not then my note to LISA is to you also. (below)
You really missed the mammogram boat with this load of crap. A SIMPLE COLOR RAISED THIS KIND OF ANGER? Breast Cancer, Testicular Cancer, Lung Cancer, Colon Cancer, Leukemia Cancer, Lymphoma Cancer and all the rest NEED AWARENESS as many coming for diagnosis are in stage 2, 3, and sadly 4 cancer. Your readers who said we don’t NEED EDUCATION sounds like toothless, 4th grade dropouts. FOR SURE CANCER KILLS. ANY WAY people can raise awareness about CANCER, TESTS, TREATMENT, and CARE should be LAUDED. I guess you and your readers campaigning against the COLORS FaceBook campaign have never experienced any Cancer scare? Wake up and take your conservatism back to the 1950s when CANCER was a STIGMA and WOMEN like you hid your illness. LOTS OF WOMEN HAVE PROGRESSED. My color: WHITE (Men) post your jockstrap color for Testicular Cancer Awareness! Sign me 2 Time Survivor LIVESTRONG!
Well, we’ve got gender equality: there’s now a Facebook group encouraging you to post your penis size for Prostate Cancer:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=395494355243&ref=mf
I am a person who has been touched by cancer several times, both personally and those who are close to me. I thought the Bra thing on Facebook was FUNNY!! Are young people so serious about everything that they can’t enjoy something silly?
My friends and I don’t need a Facebook game to educate us about something so important as cancer. One of my friends who have lost breasts to the disease posted “Bandaid!”
Humor is VERY important to surviving this terrible disease. My mother had Stage 4 Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma at age 78..she went to her chemo sessions with various funny wigs and wild jewelry..the nurses loved her. With the grace of God, a terrific oncologist, and my mother’s sense of humor, she has been in remission for 5 years.
The world can be a gloomy place, my dears. We need to find a reason to smile at every opportunity.
Some commentators seem to misunderstand the nature of the objection to this meme. It has nothing to do with the appropriateness of underwear as a facebook status topic. It is not an objection to coping with adversity by “having some fun” or doing something positive. It has nothing to do with gender politics, or even breast cancer specifically. The meme could have been about anything–AIDS, the environment, global poverty, prostate cancer, etc. The objection would be the same in any case.
This latest facebook meme seems to have been a tipping point triggering a backlash against “slacktivism” in general. That’s really what grates; the growing prevalence of slacktivism in our culture. Snopes.com has a good entry on the so I’ll quote it briefly since they put it better than I can:
“A sense of powerlessness and lack of control . . . becomes replaced by the certainty that real change can be brought about at the cost of no more effort than it takes to type a few characters on a keyboard . . .”
I don’t dispute that slacktivism engenders warm feelings of bonding among the people who participate in it. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But that is all it does. Anyone who thinks otherwise is delusional.
Slactivist fads are becoming more prevalent in our society every day, and they are not making the world a better place. They are making it a sillier place. That is the basis of the complaint.
And as a cancer survivor, I ask what do you have to say about the exclusion of cancer surviving women who don’t wear bras, because they don’t have breasts anymore?
It’s belittling. And god help me, but I am NOT looking forward to the “awareness” campaign for rectal cancer.
Your friend, Deb, put it beautifully.
Something to think about – if you look at the many comments to Lisa’s posts you do see a pattern. People not touched by cancer are pretty critical of the FB event. Those who have been touched by cancer seem to ‘get it’.
Which side do you think everyone should be on?
I vote that we be on the side of having a sense of humor, which is vitally important in fighting the disease if you have it.
In response to another comment. See in context »I’ve had cancer twice and survived. On further reflection, I think people should be on the side their hearts tell them to be on. And maybe that changes from day to day, depending upon where your own condition takes you. Ultimately, I hope there are no sides, but that we are all on the same side on this one.
In response to another comment. See in context »