The Great American Hero-Off: Phillips vs. Sully
The bravery and accomplishments of Captain Richard Phillips of the Maersk Alabama and Captain C.B. Sully Sullenberger of the uh, US Airways Flight 1549 are awe-inspiring and humbling to mere mortals like us. Which is why one of them has to go. I mean, we can’t have two old guys running around making crash landings and facing down pirates while we’re sitting around all day playing Xbox waiting for the next New Yorker to come. OK, that’s just me, but you know what I mean – they’re making us look bad. Therefore, it leaves me no choice but Death Match, Old Dude style. Two Heroes Enter, One Hero Leaves. Let’s do this.
THEME SONG
Phillips: After escape, boarded USS Bainbridge to the sounds of “Sweet Home Alabama”.
Sully: At a California tribute, walked out to “Top Gun” theme song.
Even though I’m a Southerner with an unapologetic love for Lynyrd Skynyrd, Sully obviously wins the kick-ass factor (The article said “Top Gun” theme song, but I’m assuming they meant air-show staple “Highway to the Danger Zone” and not the Cinemax style 80’s guitar riffs of the official theme song).
SULLY + 1
ARCH ENEMY
Phillips: Murderous teenage pirates armed with AK47’s.
Sully: Birds.
Phillips, duh.
PHILLIPS + 1
NICKNAME
Phillips: Doesn’t have one that I know of, but since he’s a Richard, he could go by “Dick”.
Sully: Well, Sully, obviously.
Despite having a first name like Chesley, “Sully” is a lot cooler than “Dick”, or just not having a nickname at all.
SULLY + 1
INTERNET PRESENCE
Phillips: 2,919 members of Facebook group
Sully: 627,530 fans on Facebook
The numbers don’t lie – Sully kills this one. Phillips, you got some catching up to do.
SULLY + 1
PORNSTACHE
According to the ancient picture above, Phillips, easily.
PHILLIPS + 1
ACTUAL ACT OF HEROISM
Phillips: After ship was boarded by pirates, instructed crew to hide and offered himself as hostage. Attempted escape attempt, shot at in water by pirate with AK47, drug back on boat by another pirate.
Sully: Successfully executed incredibly challenging maneuver of landing a jetliner on water without fatalities, the first time in 50 years of commercial flights that has been done.
While Phillips had some help from Navy snipers, and Sully pulled his hero act off completely solo, you can’t really beat facing down pirates. I mean, PIRATES! C’mon.
PHILLIPS + 1
FINAL SCORES
CAPTAIN PHILLIPS: 3
CAPTAIN SULLY: 3
A tie???? That’s the worst outcome of all. Like Homer says, that’s like having two losers. Actually, normal, non-hero Americans are the real losers here. The bar has been unfairly and unrealistically raised. If we are to be remembered for posterity, it appears we’ll have to do more than appear on a trashy reality TV show or have eight babies at the same time while unemployed. Fine, then. Just let me finish this Halo game…
We can’t end this on a tie. What do you think?
[poll id="3"]
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A tie!?! Ties only happen in hockey, and that’s the reason I don’t watch the NHL! I demand a recount in which Sully wins, as — let’s be honest — Phillips didn’t really do anything besides sit still while Navy SEAL snipers shot the dudes next to him. Sully landed a damn plane in the Hudson. Easy call.
First of all, it wasn’t supposed to be a tie. I had this thing totally rigged for Phillips to win, and then must have dropped or added a category somewhere and screwed it all up. So, I’m just as shocked and upset as you, believe me. I HATE ties.
Second, as I said, Phillips should’ve been the clear winner here, dude. No contest. HE FACED DOWN PIRATES WITH MACHINE GUNS, for Christ’s sake. He let PIRATES take him hostage for the good of the ship. PIRATES, I tells ya!
Sully, the poet warrior, cannot be defeated (or tied).
Tie?
The real winner is British-American pundit Andrew “Sully” Sullivan. Only he can shape our feelings and put these events in perspective.
Sully, easy. Phillips doesn’t have a sweet folk song like this one proclaiming his heroism within days of the events in question.
Sully held the lives of 155 men, women, and wee children in his aviator hands, while Phillips walked the plank for the sake of 20 strapping sailors. +1 for Sully.
Tough call… I tend to give the nod to Phillips, because (your excellent criteria set to the side for a minute) Sully was at least entering into a situation for which he’d trained and was somewhat prepared, while Phillips was literally sailing into the unknown with a gun at his neck. Parenthetically: I do enjoy seeing the “hero” label, which has been tossed around a little indiscriminately the last few years, applied to two guys who actually deserve it.
Phew, Bill – I thought I was going to be the lone Phillips vote. Not to undercut my only supporter or anything, but I did hear something on NPR about anti-pirate training at the academies. Kinda sad it’s so common we need a class for it.
And yes – glad to see hero applied to people who are doing more than just surviving a horrific event. “You’re such a hero the way you…lived through that one thing”.
Dudes. Giving yourself up to pirates is way more heroic than trying to save your own ass by landing a plane skillfully in the Hudson. Phillips had love for his brothers, which Sully did too, of course, but he was willing to go hang out with 15 year old pirates with big ass guns. In short though, I agree with Bill.