Click through our gallery to follow along.

Come on, Star. You’re better than that. If you’re just going to make things up about Tigergate, at least step up your game to UsWeekly levels by hiring so-called experts to explain, scientifically, how everything Tiger Woods has ever done proves he’s a total scumbag.

Who do you think will win the race to the bottom?

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By Colin Goldman

She’s a sweet lady, but haven’t you kind of had enough of Susan Boyle? The Scottish chanteuse came to prominence through her dazzling performance on the amateur talent program, Britain’s Got Talent, in August of last year, with a recording of the performance quickly going uber-viral on YouTube to viewers around the globe.

Just a year later, the crooning highlander’s first album has dropped and is dominating the billboard charts in the U.S. and around the world. But how will this overnight success story ultimately play out? Through a process we here at Celebuzz call, “uninformed wild-guessing”, we have surmised four possible outcomes to the Susan Boyle story:

1.  The Fairytale Ending

A lonesome spinster her forty-eight years to date, Susan’s 2010 world tour in support of her album leads her into the company of a certain world-class golfer recently divorced from his wife following an extra-marital sex scandal of epic proportion.  As Susan hails from the land where golf was invented, the two hit it off immediately and make plans for a future wedding, with vows optional.

2.  The Winehouse

Newfound fame on the music circuit leads Susan into the seedy underbelly of the industry, including groupies, dirty needles, and sleazy drug-users and dealers just looking to corrupt the naive Ms. Boyle. Eyes barely open following a night of crack-binging, Susan finds a very unclothed Pete Doherty next to her in bed. Simon Cowell sponsors her rehab.

3.  The Long, Slow, Decline

Susan entirely overplays her fifteen minutes of fame into two years of shame spiral, leading her to be labeled “The Next James Blunt”, and a never-ending string of weaker and weaker bookings and performances until she finds herself with a talk show on the Oxygen Channel.  Yep, it gets that bad.

4.  The Reverse Joaquin Phoenix

Having achieved such superstardom so easily in the world of music, Susan declares that she is no longer going to record music and is instead going to concentrate on her acting, which will ultimately lead her to being cast as Scotch Bonnet, a full-sized sedan with an impenetrable bumper in the Summer 2015 blockbuster, Transformers 5: Still Transforming.

Image by AFP/Getty Images via Daylife

As Barbara Walters prepares once again to celebrate those she has decided are the year’s Most Fascinating People (let the back-massaging begin on Wednesday, December 12 on ABC at 10 pm), Celebuzz began to wonder: What about the Least Fascinating People of the year? Those who, by sheer force of their aggressive mediocrity, have somehow managed to keep themselves in the public consciousness despite all reason and logic?

Is that not a skill, too? Should they not be recognized for their lack of meaningful talent or relevance?

Click through our photo gallery for a countdown of which famous people utterly underwhelmed us in the past 12 months, and our own suggestions for what they can do to stop boring us.

And you know what that means: Hollywood’s most fashion-forward celebs are already getting into the “end of civilization” spirit by sporting some hot new styles that look like they were plucked directly out of a post-apocalyptic scorched-earth wasteland where the planet’s last remaining survivors must battle mutant space-bikers in order to stay alive.

From Rihanna to Adam Lambert to Lauren effing Conrad (who will probably also be at least partially responsible for bringing about the whole apocalypse in the first place), it’s all about spikes, sparkles, and bullet-proofed everything.

Check out Celebuzz’s photo gallery to see the full-on “Apocalypticouture” trend for yourselves!

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The Snuggie phenomenon hit our culture hard (or shall we say, quite comfortably).

First it was just an infomercial, mercilessly mocked on the Internet for physically embodying the wanton laziness of couch-dwelling Americans. But then people slowly began to realize that there was something more to this idea of blankets with sleeves and a headhole. One by one, we submitted to the Snuggie. However, one day we realized that – even though we had basically given up on life by enwombing ourselves in the warmth of these blanket-shaped clothes to waste away in front of our TVs for hours on end – we still wanted to look good whilst doing so.

Which brings us to the latest stages of this strange product’s evolution: Snuggie fashion. With cheetah prints and runway models and even Native American hipster Snuggies, America has finally figured out a way to make laziness trendy.

Click through the gallery to see all the crazy ways in which the Snuggie has evolved.

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox could have written an entire book called “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Promoting Your Poorly Scripted Robot Movie For Dummies” with all their absurd quotes, appearances and antics during Summer ‘09.

From Shia LaBeouf’s absurdly sexual comment about the woman who gave birth to him, to Megan Fox’s cries of “Me?? Hot?? No Way… I’m like totally Tranny,” these two just couldn’t keep their filthy mouths shut during the days leading up to the June release of Transformers 2.

So check out our ten favorite Megs & Shia word nuggets of ‘09, to be filed in the “WTF” category forever and ever and ever.

Image by AFP/Getty Images via Daylife

Here at Celebuzz, we don’t pay for stories. We don’t bribe police officers or buy expensive dinners for attorneys to garner our exclusive celebrity content. No, we just make things up.

Below you will find EXCLUSIVE! excerpts from what we imagine the much-publicized new revised prenuptual agreement between Tiger Woods and his wife, Elin Nordegren, might actually look like.

* * * * * * *

First, there’s probably and obvious revision of basic financial terms:

(rev.) paragraph 1.4.5(a).  In the event of legal separation and divorce, within thirty (30) business days of event, Mr. Woods shall pay to Ms. Nordegren an amount equal to twenty million dollars ($ 20,000,000) one-hundred million dollars ($100,000,000)

No real surprise here.  We all know that Tiger’s affairs were going to cost him a big bump in any divorce settlement.

Then we’re guessing things will start to get a big more… specific:

(insert) paragraph 3.6.2.   Mr. Woods shall provide Ms. Nordegren with no less than three (3) titanium-manufactured golf clubs.  In the event that Mr. Woods is certified to have had inappropriate relations with any woman other than Ms. Nordegren, Ms. Nordegren shall be allowed to employ these clubs to strike Mr. Woods across either the head, the neck, the scapula, or the patella (“pre-approved striking zones”).

(insert) paragraph 3.6.2(a).  In the event “other woman” has appeared on, or ever appears on a reality television program, or, “other woman” has ever been a VIP club hostess or any other form of legal or illegal prostitution, pre-approved striking zones shall also contain the area of the body commonly referred to as the “goatsack”, “family jewels”, or “ball shed”.

Ouch.  A four-iron to the dangleberries for a dalliance with the very type of woman that Tiger seems to favor?  Hard to believe his imaginary attorneys would allow this provision into the new pre-nup.

Finally, we felt like the document would really end with a bang, as Elin would take this document as an opportunity to go for the jugular be getting super specific and personal on poor Tiger:

(insert) paragraph 12.4.  Wardrobe.   For the duration of the marriage, Mr. Woods shall not be allowed to wear sweater vests in the home, at any public events not taking place in the immediate area of a golf-course, or in any family photos or personal functions.  Similarly, Mr. Woods will repeat, in at least three instances before press and media, that “sweater vests look stupid on men, are incredibly 80’s, and make me look like my mommy’s dressing me for kindergarten.”

One thing that’s actually true: Hell hath no fury like a woman humiliated by her husband in front of the whole world.