Pad Your Ass! Buy These Panties And It’s Booty-Time

Nice booty! Image by vmiramontes via Flickr

In case your butt isn’t sufficiently curvaceous.

From The Wall Street Journal:

When Tara Rachel Benson went out on a recent night to an album release party in Los Angeles, she put on her makeup, a tight-fitting Herve Leger dress, stiletto heels—and a pair of padded panties.

“It’s part of the whole outfit,” says Ms. Benson, a 25-year-old assistant to a music manager. Wearing the Booty Pop brand of underwear, which contain egg-shaped foam pads to plump up the posterior, “I look better, I feel better, and as a result, I act better,” she says.

Upstart company Booty Pop thinks it has the answer for women who want curves like Beyonce and JLo: padded underwear.

For centuries, women have wriggled into girdles and other slimmers to minimize their rear ends. Now, a fascination with the hind-quarters of celebrities like Beyoncé and Kim Kardashian is fueling a booming market for undergarments that amplify the derrière..

Booty Pop projects it will sell close to 1 million pairs of padded underwear this year.

Make this go away.

Here’s my thoughtful, serious analytical take on the matter. Transplants!

Why mess around with a fake ass that, should you actually undress in front of someone you hope to seduce, will suddenly be…not there? Just buy yourself a permanent butt. Take all that nasty fat from somewhere else on your body, or maybe someone else’s. No biggie.

I’ve considered donating my ass, on occasion, but the sweetie has forbidden it, bless him.

It would only be for scientific purposes, research, the advancement of knowledge. All that.

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